Oh, precious pup, Mom and Dad did everything we could to keep you going, but so many things went completely wrong for you, so quickly and we just couldn't see you suffer anymore.

We know you were grieving, after your brother's death and it was so sad to see you searching the house for him or hopefully running to the door every time a car pulled up out front, thinking that they were bringing your brother back.We think the grieving triggered the vestibular attack. Mom and Dad cried their eyes out that night, too, as we left you at the puppy ER, with your eyes spinning and your head twisted back over your shoulder We really didn't think you were going to survive that night. But, you did. Unfortunately, it was the start of a decline that led slowly but surely, to your passing. We knew the diabetes was problematic, but when your sugars started going 'off the meter', we knew that you were in serious trouble. Then your eyesight completely failed, followed by your hearing and sense of smell and it was just so awful to see you crashing into everything and walking the hallway, with your face pressed to the wall, trying to find your water bowl. And that awful time when you managed to get behind the tv and got trapped amongst all the cables, you were just frozen with fear And, in the end, you couldn't even find your dinner bowl, right in front of you and Mom had to hand feed you. Your back legs had started to fail, too and you were having trouble standing and, on the tiled floors, your legs would suddenly give way and you'd be splayed out on the floor, struggling to get up. It was just so awful to see you like that.

Dr Susanne from ACVets had done a lot of the work on your insulin profiling, but for some reason, your sugars fluctuated wildly and, in the last few days, you had stopped eating and that made control seemingly impossible. It was then that Mom and Dad saw 'that look' on your sweet face, the look that said ' 'Help Me'.

Dr Susanne and Nurse Melissa came to put you to sleep. She was surprised to see how your condition had deteriorated in the last week and noted that your lymph glands were swollen, too. Then came that awful moment. Dad can still hardly bear to think about it, just typing this has me howling, in tears. Mom held your little head and Dad held your shoulders and Puppy, you just slipped across into the Rainbow Bridge, asleep in Jesus. Our baby boy was gone. Oh Puppy, Mom and Dad cried like babies, such was our loss. But Puppy, a huge part of our hearts went with you that day. Your suffering ended, but Mom and Dad's had just begun.

We thank Dr Susanne for her tender and compassionate dealings with our baby boy and our thanks also go to Dr Stephen and Dr Justin from Albany Creek Vet, along with all the reception and nursing staff who loved our Benji babe and cared for him.

The man from Pets in Peace came to take your body away. Mom had given you a white rose which she placed between your paws and she had tenderly covered you with the same rug that we had covered Mr Louie with, 10 months ago. Oh Puppy, how can a moment be sooo sad. That beautiful face, which moments ago was creased with pain was now angelic and peaceful. Oh puppy, you had been released from the hurt. We prayed that God would guide your spirit, clearing your blindness, so that you would be able to find your brother. We then went out front, to see you in the hearse and we waved a tearful goodbye as they drove you slowly away. The tears flowed like rain.

Babe, such a beautiful pup shouldn't have had to suffer as you did. You had such a zest for life and for most of your life, that tail hardly ever stopped wagging. Even now, on our walking track, everyone asks - 'where's Benji'?

But Puppy, we had some of the best ever years, with you and Mr Louie and we have so many happy memories and lots of photos. We recall the time when you suddenly decided that the beach was fun and the photos captured you, many times, romping in your element, the picture of absolute happiness.

And, then there was 'the food'. Dad knows that all cavaliers love their food, but you were a real 'gourmet'. Many a time Dad got 'that look' which says - Hey Dad, you've given me this 'stuff' and you're eating THAT' much nicer stuff. I KNOW you can do much, much better than that! And, every time we cooked a chicken, Dad would be taking it out of the cooker and he'd sneak a sample. Suddenly there would be Benji giving Dad that 'stare'. Dad you've violated cavalier ruler #172, which clearly states that for anything that you (Dad) put in your mouth, you must give an equal or greater amount to the cavalier sitting at your feet, staring at you! Oh, babe, you were just so cute! The freezer is still packed with your favourite chicken and all the other foods we got in, to try and get you to eat, in that last week. Dad is too afraid to touch them, just in case you somehow come back to us again and want them. If only that could happen.

Puppy Man, Mom and Dad will never forget you. Your leaving us has left an unfillable hole in our hearts and, a month later, it still hurts, real bad. The house is just so eerily empty and silent. We still listen for you, keep looking for you. But, you're gone. We have a lovely shrine, with sweet pictures of you and Mr Louie and we light candles for you both, every night, and we will, forever.

Mom now surrounds your shrine with beautiful flowers and she has some new plants around your favourite places in the garden. Your last days were so terrible, babe, that Mom wants only to remember the 'good times' and thankfully, there were many happy times. We feel confident that you found your way to your brother, Mr Louie and that once more, you are together again. Thank you Puppies, for the best years of our lives.

You are both within our hearts - forever, love you.

Mom and Dad.

A poem for Benji from Dad
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Pain
~~~~~~~

The memories of the pain run deep
when in my arms you were put to sleep.
I hold you close and start to pray
Oh surely Lord, there's some other way?

I want to run, the Doctor's here
Try not to let you sense my fear.

your sad dark eyes, that last goodbye
your mum and dad begin to cry
the needle plunging, slow, infernal
is etched upon my mind eternal.
your breathing slows, I hug you till
your life has gone, your body still.

on earth it was a moment fleeting
When I felt your little heart stop beating.

Oh Lord, my God, what have I done?
how can this beast that used to run
and play, and love, whom I called 'friend',
have run its course and simply, end?

tears sting my face, my brow is throbbing
I squeeze you tight, just sobbing, sobbing.

As I gaze upon your lifeless corpse
and see you on your favourite walk
the bobbing head, the wagging tail
I'm drowning in my guilt, betrayal.

'There is no choice', words like a dart
will tear forever, through my heart.

We brought you home, to weep and mourn
And in a quiet spot beside the lawn,
your face turned gently to the west,
we laid our precious pup to rest.

Your suffering's gone, but not our pain.
Can our lives, like phoenix, rise from the flame?
Death dealt a hand so cruel, it tore our lives apart
But Puppy Boy, you live forever, locked deep within our hearts.

God hold you close, sweet Benji.
I'm sure we'll meet again.
Don't know how.
Don't know when.

(c) Benji's Dad 2017

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