4/13/2019 - You've been gone 5 days and my life has been shattered. I keep wanting to do the special things I made for you to keep you alive. I find myself standing trying to think what to do and then it dons on me that you are not here with me. We will receive your ashes soon and I have ordered 8 x 10 pics to put on table with Pepper's ashes and pictures. A lovely lady on FB painted a gorgeous pic of you and we are getting it framed and will somehow hang from the ceiling above the large stand where you and Pepper will be looking back at us and reminding us how much we loved you. You had such a big heart and loved all of us right back. I am lost without you and I don't mind being this way as I know it will get easier for me. You fought the good fight to stay with us as long as you could. For a Springer, 14 1/2 years is good. Play, play, play with the other beloved pets that surround the RB, then rest and take care of yourself. You are so loved. I saved this much of

04/19/2019 - Bretta, Bretta, Bretta. I miss you so. It is almost Easter and I can't imagine a holiday without you. You were so beautiful and perceptive. You knew when I was down and would come put your chin on my leg. When I let you outdoors, your head would go up to catch the wind. You had probably been someone's hunting dog when they found you in Utah and you were so aware of your surroundings. I miss those almond shaped eyes looking back at me. There was a bond between us that I will never find again in my lifetime. You loved me so unconditionally as I loved you. I am lost without you. You were my Angel here on earth and I know you are an Angel now but there is such a distance between us. I have your wonderful pictures to remind me or your love and beauty but it's just not the same as having you here. Run across the meadows with your sister Pepper and enjoy your freedom. I love and miss you.

04/22/2019 - Dearest Bretta. Our first Easter holiday without you. I miss you so so much. I want to see that beautiful face and eyes again. You were the wind beneath my sails. You made every day a good day even if I wasn't feeling well. All I had to do was look into your eyes and see the love we shared. I don't know what to do without you. You were so special. You were Mom's dog and followed me everywhere. I can't even think of camping or boating without you. I am so lost. I try to give the love I had for you to the other furballs here but I just can't get there yet. I know you are getting the long rest you needed after your long journey here. You were so brave with the benign cancer growing on your spleen. Now, I wonder if we and the vets made the right decision to not put you through such an operation at your age. I've never known such a terrible loss as you leaving us. I hope some day I can accept that loss. Right now, I just want to hold you again. I know you knew something was up those last few weeks and you became even more dependent upon me and came to me to get even more loving than before. I hope you are meeting new friends at RB and are playing as you did when you were young. Mom misses you so much and each day is a struggle but I know there are many other moms and dads missing their beloved furballs.

04/27/2019 - My dear Bretta. Mom will never get over you. You were the perfect dog. You pranced around the yard like a queen, your nose in the air and you were beautiful. I don't know if that was because you were a field springer or not but it was an endearing quality that you had. I love your sisters that you left behind but they do not have the endearing qualities that you had. They each have their own personalities but they do not have that light in their eyes that you had when I talked to you or looked at you across the room. You can never be replaced because you were special. I have your ashes back and have set up your memorial with Pepper's memorial. You are both together in a special wooden box and with big pictures of you both. The painting that Linda made of you is hanging above the memorial. Others were captured by your beauty and painted portraits of you. That's how special you were. I had to work on taxes during your last week with us. I wish I would have said to heck with the taxes and held you that last week. You came to me in the computer area that last day when you could no longer hang on. I am so sorry I left you to lie in your bed alone in another room. You were still drinking and eating hard treats so I didn't realize the end would come so soon. You mom will never be the same without you. I want to see that beautiful face and glistening eyes again. I have had a back procedure so have been sitting a lot and I can't get you off of my mind. The story of you coming to us was so special. So many people wanted you to get to us. I will always be grateful for the work the ESRA did to get my sweet Bretta. Maybe, they thought with your benign tumors that you would not live to be ten but you made it to 14 1/2. We had some tumors removed that were on the outside. I hope that didn't make them start growing inside which finally took you from us. Mom will never forget your beauty and companionship. I do hope you are making friends around the RB and prancing around like you did here on earth. You were a sight to behold. Such beauty. I love and miss you so much.

05/11/19 - My sweet Bretta. It has been over a month since you've been gone and I am miserable. I have no will to keep living without you. I'm a lost soul looking for a way to stop living and join you. I don't enjoy life without you. Each day is a long string of going through the motions but not enjoying anything. I've asked not to have a Mother's Day celebration. I have nothing to celebrate with you gone. You were my life and there is nothing left. I have been so hurt by the people you left behind. You were the only one that gave me unconditional love. Tammy tries to take your place but her personality is not like yours. Flye tries also but they are cold where you were warm and your eyes were always glistening, looking me straight in the eyes which made you almost more than animal. You had a spirit that no one could hide. I want to be with you. Life has no meaning anymore. Your mom misses you more than you will ever know. I can barely look at your pictures because it brings back what I had and no longer have. Life was glorious with you. Now, it is only sadness. I don't know how to find you. I'm hoping the Lord will bring me to you somehow. I don't want to go on without you.

06/09/19 - Oh my beautiful girl, it has been almost a month since I stopped in to see you. I still can't get over you. I will never get over you. You were my child when my only child was lost to us. He's back in our lives now but he will never take the place in my heart that you have. I wonder often if I want to live without you and have been reading and finding that animals do have souls. Think of Jesus' birth. He was surrounded by animals so you can get to heaven. Maybe the Rainbow Bridge is close by or part of heaven where we can pick you and Pepper up and be a family again. I may have tried to hold on to you too long. I know the last several weeks were rough on you. I'm so sorry if you were in pain and I didn't see it. I want to see you again. I love the other girls but we do not share the bond you and I shared. You were the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. You had the long flowing tail that many Springers do not have. You were the love I had strived for all my life but could not find. U gave that love right back to me. I miss those almost shaped eyes looking back at me. I will love you forever. I am so sad and lonely without you. Miserable, really. You were a Princess. I won't be away so long from now on. (((()))) Hugs for you. Mom

07/30/19 - I'm sorry I haven't been here lately, dear Bretta. I have been down myself with exhaustion. It is so hard to keep up the house and take care of your three sisters. I wouldn't give your sisters up for anything as you dogs have been my life. I miss you terribly. That long flowing tail that none of your sisters have. There is such a difference in a field and bench spaniel. I love your sisters in a different way than you. You were so wise and conscious of human feelings. I know I kept you a week too long and may have made you suffer in the end. I couldn't imagine that you were so close to leaving us. I have your pics all over the house and I look at them and can't believe you are still here. There is nothing in this world better than the love of a dog who understands humans the way you did. i get so down and I know I have to come visit you, let the tears roll and then I can take on the world again. I will always come back to you. You were my baby and I was so lucky to have spent five years with you. I don't know how I got so lucky with you to get you from Colorado. I had so much praise for the ESRA. They have too many restrictions for we elderly anymore and the senior dogs have been 12-13 years old and I can't take a dog that age and lose them so quickly as Springers life span is 12-14 years. I have seen some of your field sisters and brothers on ESRA again and I wish we were able to get one but three is all we can handle now. Derek is back in our lives and getting the house remodeled to take him in has been so time consuming plus it is summer and grass and the yard takes up time we need for remodeling. The misery of losing you will never leave me. I should say almond shaped eyes looking back at me. Got it wrong the last time. Your mom misses you so very much. I still want to be with you but know you will be there to greet me when I pass. You are the wind beneath my wings. I love you so very much. Mom

08/29/19 - Dearest Bretta, it has been nearly a month since I last visited you. I can't stay away any longer. It has been a wild and fast summer. We had no spring so we went right into having all the summer chores. Taking care of your three sisters and cleaning the much too big house is all I can get done. I think of you often and checkout your pics in every room. You were my earth, moon and stars. I know by my mood when I visit as I get so depressed without you. You are probably the only field spaniel we will ever have. They aren't as easy to adopt and with our age, the ESRA doesn't want us to adopt as much any more. I worry about this thread being kept up when I'm gone but, hey, we'll be together by then. Won't that be grand. You are the smartest Springer we've ever had, especially to me. You knew each day how I was feeling with my chronic fatigue and eye problems. You stayed as close to me as you could get. I sometimes think I see a glimpse of you going around a corner. I know you are still with me and I wish I was more clairevoyant to see you when I wanted to. To have you by my chair at night. I so miss those eyes looking back at me with such love and knowledge. We're still remodeling the basement and I remember the times you were determined to be with me and came downstairs but couldn't get back up. I'd get you back up two feet at a time. You were never going to quit following me. We haven't been camping this year. It wouldn't be the same without you. You were the only one who would climb the steps for us or climb down skipping the bottom step when it was time to go out. We could leave you off the leash and you would stay right with us. Not so with the other girls. We would have to watch them closely and keep on a leash. Sitting on the back of the boat was your favorite place. What a brave and calm soul you had. Nothing bothered you. I love you and miss you as much as the first day you left us. Mom sends loads of hugs and kisses.

10/01/19 - My dear Bretta. I'm so overwhelmed by life right now and that is why I haven't been back to visit you. I look at your pictures because they are in every room. I will never get over the pain of losing you. You were my best friend. Always at my heals following me everywhere. You loved to go riding in the car or truck. Your last trip was to Iowa to pick up your sister, Wanda. She is wonderful but will never replicate or replace you. You were a field spaniel and your sisters are bench spaniels. What a difference in personalities. You were bright and ready to go and they are so laid back with different personalities. Do you remember when Pepper was with us and I would get you two running in the yard and playing??? All I had to say was "let's play" and around the yard you would go. I so miss those happy times. I miss your long tail flying in the wind. Your sisters have bobbed tails and it is so much different. I want to see you again running in the yard or burying yourself in the snow. You loved snow and made us laugh so hard just watching you. We haven't camped this year because the river and lakes have flooded from so much rain north of us. I remember our walks on the campground. You were always so astute and aware of your surroundings and you jumped up the steps to the camper so easily. It's not going to be easy with your sisters. We can barely get them in the car, let alone going up the camper steps. I love and miss you so much. My life has not been the same since you left me. I feel like a stranger just going through the routine of house life. Due to my health, you know I don't get out much. It's finally cool enough to start walking. I will miss you so much on my walks. We had such a good time walking around the blocks. I would have to hang on tight because if you saw a squirrel, you would lurch to the end of the strap and I would have to coax you back and try to keep walking. You were a delight and I'll never have another dog like you. You were a one-of-a-kind that came into my life and I was so lucky to get you. You are my hero. Hugs and kisses from Mom.

11/11/2019 - Oh, my sweet baby, I missed your birthday. Dad and I have both been ill but are now starting to feel better. So much harder as we age. Today, it is snowing and I remember how you loved the snow. You would dive in head first and just roll and play in the snow. You ate the snow like you had been deprived of water but you just loved it so much. I look to your spot where you always headed when it was snowing and I miss you so much. Your bench sisters do not care for the snow. They go out and want right back in. You were the bravest, most beautiful creature I have known. Nothing bothered, even the cancer that was growing inside you. You fought it as if you were going to beat it but, as the vet had told us, there was no way you could beat it. I fed you three times a day, anything that would keep you going. I searched the internet and found ideas that other parents had gone through with their dogs. You would not touch dog food. It had to be human food that kept you going those last eight months. I long to see you and will see you again someday in the heavens far above me. What a joyous reunion that will be with you and my other loved ones. I hope you have found my daughter Stacie to play with. She will take care and watch over you until I get there. We didn't make it to the lake this year as the lake was too high so I didn't realize how much I missed you in the camper and boat but it has been tough here at home. I just expect to see you, call Flye by your name and when I see your pictures all over the house, I long to hold you again. It is going into winter and I'm sure we'll have more snows. I haven't cleaned your hair out of one brush nor cleaned your coat. The other girls don't stay out long enough to warrant using your coat. I'll add your snow picture. I thought I had it here but I will add it as you would be so happy here in the snow. Hugs from your mom.

12/19/2019 - There are times I don't think I will ever get over you. We had such a unique love for each other. I stopped at the table today where I am putting a book about you together and when I saw your picture, I just wanted to hug you one last time. I'll never forget leaving you with the vet and knowing I would not see or hold you again was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. You were my buddy, my sidekick, always there with me with your beautiful eyes so bright. As I saw your eyes dimming, I was heartbroken and when I couldn't get you to eat, I didn't realize you would go down so fast. I fed you special food I made three times a day for eight months. It was our special time together. There were days you didn't want to eat but I wouldn't leave the bathroom until you ate part of the food. I knew your love for me because your gums were sore and broken but you would eat for me giving more time with you. We've had three snow storms already and I look to the spot where you always dived in head first in the snow. You pranced around in the yard like you were in seventh heaven. It's almost Christmas, our first without you. You would walk around the room on the paper from packages or sit in your bed and watch what must have been craziness to you. I miss you so much and I knew your love only five short years. I wish we would have found you sooner but you were almost 10 when we found you. I didn't realize the difference a field spaniel made when we adopted the other spaniels. Fields have a special place in my heart because of you. I miss you, dear girl, so much and wish we had more time together. My life is so much different without you. I know God has to allow dogs in heaven. There were animals when Jesus was born so heaven has to have dogs, too. I hope the Rainbow Bridge is close so we can get together again. Your existence keeps me going and when I get really down, I'm drawn to RB and you. Bless you, sweet girl. Merry Christmas and I'll leave another snack for you. I'll be back more after the New Year as I'll have more time. My love will never end for you.

3/16/2020 - My dearest Bretta, I have been ill through Jan-March. I am now back to feeling better and ready for spring. You know I hardly ever make it through the cold without catching pneumonia and acute bronchitis. You were always there to cheer me up. Sitting in your bed next to me or on the couch while I slept. I so wish I could see you again. I miss your sleek body and your long tail. I'm glad your one picture shows you from behind. You were so lovely and loving. If I thought I could have kept you another day without you being in pain, I would have. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through to leave you with the vet knowing I would never see you again. There will never be another dog that will capture all of my love like you did. The other girls are fun and have taken your place at my ankles where I go but it's not the same. Your face was so beautiful and your eye talked to me. I can see you in my mind now. After, I first lost you, I went through a stressful stage and I could not get your vision in my mind but it has come to me. I hope you are happy there at RB with other puppies to play with and enjoy. Someday, we will be together. I am lost without you. Be happy, dear girl. Love, Mom

05/03/2020 - Oh Bretta, I was here in April and wrote to you. It was the anniversary of your leaving us so quickly but just as the vet said. I must not have saved it. I know I had written it because I had missed your passing by a few days. I was so upset but human virus that has hit the U.S. and rest of world was so in my mind. I am still so terribly worried about my family, friends and others who catch this virus and die. It has set the news median and politicians on fire and that is all we here. Your sisters, Flye, Tammy and Wanda all say "hi". They all have their summer haircuts to stay cool. You, being a field spaniel didn't have the heavy hair that the bench spaniels have. And, you had that beautiful tail. I miss you and your beautiful markings so much. I have your photos to keep me happy knowing you had such a wonderful life after we rescued you. Haven't a clue what happened your first ten years but we know we did our best to make your last five years your best. I miss our walks when you would lurch for squirrels in the trees or yards. It was all I could do to hold on to you but you were so inquisitive and those memories will stay with me all through my life. You cannot be replaced. I hope I can find another field spaniel someday as you were totally different from the other velcro girls we have now. I see dogs that look so much like you on the Spaniel calendar but, like you, not very many have tails. I miss you so much baby. I'm so sorry I lost last months letter to you and your memory. Someday, we will all be together again. I have to see you again. God's love can't end here, it has to go on forever. You are at a higher level now and I will see you when I get there. Mom loves you.

11.19.2020. Bretta, my dear, I had a long paragraph added to bring you up to speed on happenings here on earth and I didn't get them saved. Because of health, I don't have time to rewrite. Will try to get back soon. Love and kisses. Mom

03.15.2020. Oh, Bretta, I think of you so much still. Have your pictures everywhere. You were the light of my life and my health has been much worse since you left us. I yearn to see your face, touch your soft forehead and see those almond shaped eyes. When you went down, it was so fast and I did not have time to think of what we were facing until the day after you left us. I have never been the same. I have many memories of loved ones but none have shaken me as much as losing my daughter years ago and you. I guess I thought you would live forever but being ten when we got you, I should have known you did not have many years left to stay here but we had five good years. Your foster mom let go of you at 9.5 years and you lived to 14.5 years. Had you not gotten cancer u would have been here longer. I am so glad we got those years together although the years went to fast. We knew when we took you to S. Dakota to pick up Tammy that it would be last trip. We wanted to get you to the lake one last time but it wasn't to be. I can't go outside if the wind is blowing or the temps are lower than 50 or higher than 75 due to my lungs so my days at the lake are probably numbered. The gals that we have now are not used to the boat yet. You were ready from the first time we went. You loved riding in the back of the pontoon. Some of the best memories of you. I just saved this much as the last time I lost a huge paragraph and didn't have oxygen to rewrite it. I am on oxygen off and on now and all night as I did when u were here. Well, my dear, I must get on with life's actions but I will try to be here in April for the day we lost you. I hope you are enjoying RB and have found playmates to make your days full. I pray for your soul or being to be the same as it was here on earth. Love from Mom Dee.

04/09/2021. Well, dear girl, it has been two long years since you left us. You were our go to girl. Loved to ride and travel. The younger girls have not become as easy lead, jump in the truck, etc. as you were. Hopefully, we can get them on the lake this summer. With my health, covid and green algae on the lake, we have not gone the last several years. I may be looking at back surgery but hope to go before or after to the lake. I have yet to see another springer quite like you. Some come close but do not have that long beautiful tail. The bench girls grow so much more hair than you did. I love them but will never have the love I had for you. You were special. You did not give up until a few days before you left. You did not want to eat for weeks but you ate because I wanted you to. You would shy away from the food but when I spoon fed you, you lasted more months than the family or vets thought you would. I remember it like it was yesterday and I miss you so much. Your temperament and almond eyes looking into mine. There was a connection that made you seem human. I could talk to you or tell you to do something and off you would go. Your favorite place on couch was taken away from you because you could not get your back legs to jump. I would help you get up there unless you didn't want the help and would go lie in your dog bed. Now, the three girls circulate on your couch space. It's really funny to watch them jockeying for that spot. Flye is 12 and not getting up as much as she used to but it is her favorite place. She has a lot of rheumatoid in her front legs. That was something you never had to put up with. You were pretty healthy until the cancer set in. Love you, dear girl. My heart is still with you. Love from, Mom Dee.

8-01-2021 Hi my darling Bretta. The spring and summer has flown by so fast. Your three sisters are sitting on floor waiting for me to go in another room. Where I go, they go. Remember how you used to follow me around everywhere we could go?? That last week, you just couldn't do it so I tried to stay in family room as much as I could. I had come back to computer room the last day you were on this good earth. You walked into the room and we knew it was time to say our good-byes. I still miss you and cry everytime I think of you or come into Rainbow Bridge. I don't/won't forget the memories we had together. I still hope to have another Springer with a long tail some day. Your sisters have docked tails and I miss the swinging of your tail because you were always happy and that tail was always going from side to side. We sold the camper we used to take trips in. I'm on oxygen and until I get used to it, I'm not going far from home. I have the memories of our trips together with the two small dogs. I think we took one trip with your three sisters but it wasn't as pleasant. Tammy has way to much energy and doesn't like the steps. I've got to cleaning house which is a chore with the oxygen. I'll get it straightened out how to live with the air. The alternative isn't appealing right now. Love you girl. I hope your enjoying your stay at Rainbow Bridge. It appears to be a happy place for animals. Bless you, dear Bretta.

4/09/2022 - Beloved Bretta, it has been three years to the day since we lost you, and it seems like only a day ago you came to me to let me know you couldn't stay with us on earth. You knew your time was right as you would not eat or drink for me. I love you so much and miss you. You were so smart and knew human's had health problems and you were so good to stay with me wherever I was. Tammie is still with us. It was on your last ride that we went to south dakota to pick her up. I have such fond memories of that trip. You loved to go for car rides. Love you dear girl.