6/23/09 Its only been 3 days & my heart still breaks for you. We wish you didnt have to leave us behind, but we know it won't be long,& we'll be with you forever. My sweet Brown-Brown, I miss your sweet kisses & you hugging me. Becky won't remember you cause she's so small. But me & Daddy will tell her all about you baby. We know you loved her like she was your own daughter. I'll never forget when I was pregnant with Becky how you'd lay in my lap & put your head on my belly as you'd nap, & when she'd kick you, you'd jump up & look at my belly, tilting your head like what was that for? I miss you so much baby. My heart will never heal from losing you. Daddy is having a very hard time too. Oreo, Rascal, & Sweetums are doing alright. They do cry at times, but they are doing better than me & Daddy. Daddy can not handle doing any of the picking for your headstone, or a collar box either. He is trying to be strong for me & Becky, but he's tearing up inside. Thank you to you & God for bringing me to this site. I've met some wonderful people on this site. They have been so great, & have given such awesome advice. I wish that God would take this pain away from my heart. Brownie you were such a wonderful guard dog,& always helped me with my blood pressure being high. You were great at calming me down. Remember when I was learning self defense, & you heard me making noises, you about broke down the door to get to me. When you did get in, after I figured I'd better let you in or get a new door,& you & Rascal searched the whole house to be sure that no one was hurting me. Brownie, please come & see me, even if its in my dreams, I need to see you baby,I need to hear you bark,& need to hold you in my arms. You've been there for so much, when we lost the two babies in miscarriage, all the pregnancy problems & the delivery of Becky. When I was in the hospital during pregnancy with Becky, I was always thinking of you furbabies,& missing you terribly. I wish that I could have been home during that time to just be with you. Everytime I look out the kitchen window I still see you in my mind laying there in the grass like you were a couple weeks ago. You just layed there relaxing,& all the times you'd lay on your back on the deck. Just sleeping & getting sun. I'll never forget how you'd lay like a little human on your back when you'd sleep with us in bed, the covers would be up to your paws, only your front paws laid neatly on top of the blankets,& your sweet head, silky brown fur on my pillow. We'd always have our heads touching,& typically my arm wrapped around you. I LOVE YOU BABY! I'm sure you are meeting lots of friends,& family. Give my little babies in Heaven hugs & kisses for me & Daddy. We all send you giant hugs & kisses,& miss you so very much. See you in Heaven darling. Love you~~~~Mommy|
6/26/09: Hard to believe tomorrow will be one week since you passed away. Early this morning, I had several panic attacks, guess its the stress from losing you. I've been having all kinds of problems this week with my blood pressure,& the panic attacks. Brownie, why didn't you tell us sweetie that you were going to Heaven soon? I wish we knew, I could have been right there with you when you took your final breath. I guess it just wasnt meant to be for me to be at your side. The sad thing is I was only on the other side of the door, just 10 ft away at a max. & I didn't know that the death angel came for you. Daddy is doing alright, he has his moments too. All the other pups are doing okay. Next week we're going to Disney World. I was looking forward to going so much, I still am, but just am so sad. I try not to be sad or upset, but I can not help it. I guess you wanted to go to Disney with us so much, that here on earth you knew you wouldn't be able to. Yet from Heaven you can go whereever you want. You'll be in Disney with us, I know it. Daddy thinks part of the reason I'm having panic attacks is cause deep down I don't feel protected now. Since you were my protecter,I always knew I was safe with you here. In some ways, I think Daddy is right. I'd like to get a German Shepard in the future, but Daddy doesn't want 4 dogs again. I'm not ready right yet to get another dog, maybe in a few months or so. Just not sure what we will do. Please baby let me know you are around. I know you're having so much fun, but I need to see you, hear you, something~please. Love you baby~Mommy
10/3/09: Hey baby boy, sure do miss you sweetie. Your mommy, daddy, and Becky are so happy that you asked Jesus to send us a sweet baby pup, and he granted the request. Brutus is a good boy. Although he nor no one else could ever replace you & your love. In some ways it seems so much longer that just a bit over 3 months ago since you passed. Becky's 2nd birthday is coming up in 12 days. We are gonna have a big birthday party here at home for her with a lot of people planning to come. Sure hope you stop by & have some yummies. I'm planning on giving Sweetums, Oreo, Rascal, & Brutus a little bit of yum's. Maybe some meat & cheese, or something like that. Now that you are in Heaven you can stop by & have cake too if you want. I love you my sweet son! Giant hugs~Mommy
12/27/09: Merry Christmas Brownie! Things have been really busy around here & rough too. I may have to go through surgery soon for my back, a disc tore & herniated in my low back. Remember the area of my back that I've had problems with since I had Becky? Well its the same spot. I have pains going down my leg, & all kinds of other pains. At least you don't have to worry about pain ever again. We just had a big blizzard, so big that the other pups had a hard time going outside with the snow drifts being so big. I remember how much you loved snow,& would eat it too. LOL. Becky is getting so big,& talking more all the time. Brutus, Oreo, Rascal & Sweetums are doing really good, even though they miss you just as much as we do. With this back problem & big possiblilty of surgery please come & be with me sweetheart. I try not to worry about it,but it is hard,& when I go into surgery I'd love to have you right there with me. I'm sure you had an awesome party in Heaven with Jesus for Christmas! I'm sure you are always getting messages from Jesus from us, as well as hugs. Have fun my sweet baby boy. I love you so much. Giant hugs & kisses~Mommy
5/20/13: hey there my Brownie boy! Sorry I haven't been around here lately. Just been too painful. Like I told the others, the last year has been so rough. My health is horrible, lost my mom, and aunt, have had surgery, with more to come. Please come and see us, let us see you, and hear you. Miss our woof woof talks we would have. Those were always so much fun, and funny for daddy and Becky to watch. Wish that I could have a similar relationship with Brutus. If you and the others would please talk to him, help him be a really good boy. I don't want to get him a new home, but things have been so rough that we may have too get him a new home. I really don't want that though. If you kids can/would help us, please do so. Love you my sweet baby boy. Giant hugs and kisses! Love you so much Brownie!!!
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