6/24/21: My first day without you my sweet boy. I keep expecting to see you everywhere I go. I know that you are here because I feel you with me in every room I go, but I miss your physical presence. I miss your cuddles, giving you kisses and hugs and scratches that you loved so much. Maisie misses you and doesn't understand where her buddy is. I have to keep reminding myself that you are no longer in pain, and you are now able to run and play without pain. You will forever be my sweet baby, my muffin man, and I will love and miss you every second of every day. ~Mommy

6/30/21: It has been a week without you my sweet boy. I miss you so much. My only comfort is knowing that you are no longer in pain. The emptiness without you is unbearable. I miss everything about you. Maisie misses you and doesn't understand where you are. She is lost and sad like we all are. Please come and see me so I know that you are okay. I love and miss you always my sweet boy. ~Mommy

7/23/21: It has been one month today since I had to make the hardest decision of my life and let you go, so you would not be in any more pain. The emptiness left by your absence is unbearable. I miss you and long to be with you. I want you to know that there is something that you never realized. You came into my life at a time when I needed you the most, a time when I was broken and mourning the loss of Abby. I had given up on life and had no desire or will to go on. I always told you that you saved my life, but never explained how. You see you taught me how to love, laugh, and live life again. You brought nothing but joy to my life, but unfortunately, you never taught me how to live without you. I miss everything about you, I miss the way that you could turn my gloomy mood into the happiest just by me seeing your smile and your wagging tail when I came home. You could always cheer me up when I was down and wanted nothing more than to just be near me. You brought nothing but joy and happiness to me. You loved me unconditionally and made every single day so much better. I was your everything and you will always be mine. I will love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Loving you always ~ Mommy

8/19/21: Hi my sweetheart. I just wanted you to know how much I love and miss you. I sure wish you were here with me. I am struggling my sweet boy. I am lost, alone, and empty without you. You were and always will be my everything. I wait for you every day to give me a sign that lets me know that you are here, but I have still yet to see it. Maybe I am looking too hard, or maybe you are just not here. I wasn't ready to let you go. I know that there would never be enough days to have you here, because I would always want more. I try to remind myself that you are not in pain anymore, that the cancer can no longer hurt you, but I still miss everything about you. I hope that you are okay and that you are with Abby. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love always ~Mommy

8/23/21: It is hard to believe that it has been two months since I had to let you go. There is not a day that goes by that you are not in my every thought. It is hard to put into words how much I miss you. How do you sum it up in just a few words, the joy that you brought to my life? You were and always will be my everything. I struggle every day just to survive. Looking beyond today is difficult. The sadness, loneliness, and emptiness consume me, and I struggle to get through most days. You brought so much joy, love, and laughter to my life. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I feel like everything happened so quickly and before I knew it you were gone. I am so tired of people telling me that you had a good long life. I know that you did there is nothing that I wouldn't do for you, but forever still wouldn't have been enough time with you. I hope you know how much I love you, forever and always. I will continue to wait for a sign that lets me know that you are here and that you are okay. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love always ~ Mommy

9/23/21: Hi my sweet boy. It has been three long months without you here with me. I miss you, but that is nothing new because I miss you every second of every day. I try to find comfort in knowing that you are well and have no more pain, that is the only comfort that I have because I miss everything about you. I miss your presence, love, and smile. I miss my best friend and soulmate. I struggle most days and can only focus on one day at a time, beyond that is impossible to imagine. I hide my tears, loneliness, and pain because I am tired of others making me feel like I should be okay by now. I will never be okay; I will miss you for the rest of my life. The depression consumes me and often I think about how easy it would be to just let it. The emptiness and pain that I feel from your absence is like a punch in the gut every day. A reminder that I will never walk in a room again and see you there, a reminder that you will never be here to cheer me up when I come home from a shitty day. A reminder that I will never be able to take you for walk, kiss you, or give you endless treats again. I feel empty, that is the only way to explain it, physically I feel empty. I feel this empty space where my heart should be. It is weird, but it is my constant reminder of my loss. It is a reminder how much you filled my heart and life with nothing but unconditional love. My heart and soul are gone, and I can physically feel it. Your birthday is just around the corner and the thought of this being your first one not here is unbearable. I loved celebrating your birthday. I loved how excited you would get for your cake, treats, toys and us singing to you. You filled my life with so much happiness and I will be forever grateful for that. I talk to you all the time. I never want you to forget how much I love and miss you. I am still waiting for my sign that you are here, waiting for you to come and visit me. You are and will forever be my baby. I love and miss you every second of every day. I love you always my sweet and perfect boy. Love ~Mommy

10/3/21: Happy heavenly birthday my sweet boy. I never would have imaged a few months ago that you wouldn't be here with me today. I loved celebrating your birthday, I loved how excited you would get for us to sing to you. How you loved getting your cake, new toys, and lots of treats. I knew that I wouldn't have you forever, but I wasn't ready to lose you, to have to let you go and say goodbye. I hoped more than anything that I would be spending another birthday with you. I want you to always know how much I love you. I will forever be grateful for your unconditional love, endless ways that you could make me laugh, and your absolute gentleness. You completed my life, loved me, and wanted nothing more than to be near me. I didn't lose my dog as some people seem to think. I lost my best friend, my love, my soulmate, and my heart. The emptiness that your absence has left is unbearable. What I wouldn't give to spend your special day with you and every day for that matter. I hope that you will be spoiled up there and always feel my love. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Happy Birthday again sweetheart. Love you always ~ Mommy

10/21/21: Hi my sweet boy. I just wanted to thank you for giving me my sign this morning that I have so desperately been waiting for. I now know that you are okay and that you are safe. I needed this so much, but you already knew that. Thank you for always being my savior even in your physical absence. I love and miss you every second of every day. Please continue to give signs that you are here. Love you always my sweet perfect boy. ~Mommy

10/23/21: How is it possible that you have been gone four months today? Oh, how I miss you. Life is not the same without you. Actually, it's been pretty unbearable. I struggle so much without you here. I miss my sweet boy, my baby, my everything. Thank you for giving me another sign today. I hope you know how much this means to me. Please continue to give me signs. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always my sweet perfect boy. ~ Mommy

10/31/21: Happy Halloween my sweet boy. I know how much you loved celebrating this day. Getting dressed up in your costume (you loved your fisherman) and being excited to see all of the kids. I miss you so much. It is hard being here and getting through each day without you. It is especially hard going through all of the first days without you. Your first birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The emptiness never goes away. It is a constant reminder of the void that you have left in my life. I hope you are having a good day and that you are with Abby. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. Loving and missing you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. ~ Mommy

11/25/21: Happy Thanksgiving my sweet boy. Oh, how I miss you. Life just isn't the same without you here. I am forever grateful for being allowed to be your mommy. I will forever cherish every moment that I was blessed to have you here with me. As I spend another day without you and especially today where you would always be by my side waiting for the turkey to finish, I am reminded that nothing will ever be the same again. I will forever have this hole in my heart and a void in my life from your absence. I never want you to forget how much I love you. You completed my life and brought nothing but joy and happiness to me. I hope that you are being spoiled up there. Thank you for the dragonflies, please continue to give me signs. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet perfect boy. ~ Mommy

12/2/21: Hi my sweet boy. I miss you so much. Today like every day before it has been difficult. What I wouldn't give to see you, hold you, and tell you how much I love you. Thank you for my dragonfly today. It gives me such great comfort to know that you are here with me. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy ~ Mommy

12/23/21: Hi my sweet boy. It is hard to imagine that you have been gone for 6 months today. It feels like it was yesterday that I had to make the most difficult decision of my life and set you free. The days since have been difficult and often unbearable. The emptiness that I have felt since you left is my constant reminder that I will never walk into a room again and see your smile, the wag of your tail, or feel the joy you brought to me each and every day. I am lost without you, my sweet boy. I am unable to think past today, beyond this moment. The sadness consumes me, and the emptiness is crippling. I am empty, sad, and have no fight left. I will never understand why God couldn't make you better, despite my begging, pleading, and bargaining with him. This is something that I struggle with every day. I feel cheated because God already took Abby so many years before. I never imagined life without you. I never allowed myself to think about it. I feel that there were many more years that I should have had you here with me. You were and always will be my everything. My sweet perfect boy, best friend, and soulmate. Christmas is in a couple of days, and I wish I could just skip past it all. It will be another first without you and I am tired of all of these first and being without you. I love and miss you every second of every day for ever and always, my sweet perfect boy ~ Mommy

12/25/21: Merry Christmas my sweet boy! This is my first Christmas without you in 11 years. I absolutely dreaded this day. The thought of waking up without you again, especially on a day that you loved so much is too much to bear. I just want to lay in bed and be alone. I miss you beyond words and the tears just want to flow. I am empty and alone and want nothing more than to hold you. I am forever grateful my sweet boy for all of your love. I hope that you are being spoiled up there and that you are with Abby. Your stocking is hung, and you have been in all our thoughts today, like every day. I waited for my dragonfly today, but I understand if you are busy. Never forget my sweet boy how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day. ~ love Mommy

1/2/22: A new year has begun, but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that you are still not here, that I am still empty and lost without you. The only thing that is different is the date on the calendar, nothing else. It is Maisie's birthday today and the first that she has not had her best friend here with her. I bought you both a muffin and had your name written on it to celebrate with her. She misses you as we all do. She still sits by the front door waiting for you. I wish I could help ease her pain; I know how much she misses her best friend. Please give her a little bit of comfort if you are able to. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love always ~ Mommy

1/29/22: Hi my sweet boy. I miss you so much, but I am sure you already know that. I don't know what to do without you. The emptiness and loneliness are too much. I try to act as if I am fine around everyone until I am able to have the moments to myself to fall apart. The reality is I will never be fine. The pain and ache from your absence is debilitating and I struggle every day. I relive the last moments that I had with you, the smile on your face because you were so happy to see us. You had no idea that you would never be coming home with us. I wish I could have made you better, I am so sorry the treatments stopped working and cancer took you anyway despite all our efforts. I am so tired of hearing that you had a great life, I know that you did because I made sure that every day was great for you. Just like you ensured every day was great for me. I am tired of hearing how Maise is just like you. She is not and never will be. I love her, but you were and always will be my soulmate. You completed my life and loved me unconditionally every second of it. I am tired of hearing how we had you to enjoy for almost 12 years, I feel cheated, I never imagined life without you. I am lost, sad, and lonely. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love always ~ Mommy

2/23/22: Hi my sweet boy. It is hard to imagine that you have been gone eight months today, it doesn't seem possible. The emptiness, the pain, and the loneliness are just as much now as it was the day, I had to say goodbye. I suffer daily from not having you here with me. I cherish the signs that you send me and still wait for you to come and see me in my dreams. I long to be with you, to be at peace, and be whole again. I miss you every second of every day. I didn't just lose my baby; I lost my everything. Please continue to give me signs. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

3/23/22: Hi sweet boy. It is 9 months today since I set you free. Nine months of being without you, longing for you, and feeling completely empty and lost. Every day is a struggle. To wake up knowing I have to face another day without you here. I miss you every second of every day. I cherish the memories, that is the only thing that gives me joy. I question myself if I should have waited longer before letting you go if I should have taken you home that day. It was crippling to see you deteriorate and no longer able to do the things that you so loved to do. I replay the last moments with you in my mind quite often, I think that I will forever question my decision. The pain will always be my constant reminder that I will never be whole again. Life will never be the same, and I will long for you forever. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. ~ Mommy

4/9/22: Hi my sweetest boy. I miss you so much! The days never seem to get easier. The pain and emptiness never subside. The day I set you free, I died with you. I merely exist now, struggling to get through each and every day. I am just a shell of a body as I am completely empty on the inside. I put this mask on every day to hide my pain and loneliness from everyone around me. I smile and pretend to be fine, when in actuality I am completely shattered. I cry when no one is around, when I have a moment to myself, as this seems to be the only way that I can cope at the moment. This is the battle that I fight every day, one that no one knows anything about. I did not just lose my dog, as you were much more than that to me. I lost my everything. I lost my heart and soul, my best friend, my soulmate, and my baby. I long to see and hold you again. I long for this pain to go away and to be at peace, to spend the rest of eternity with you. I will love and miss every second of every day until that day comes my sweet perfect boy. ~Love always Mommy

4/23/22: Hi my sweet boy. Today marks 10 long months without you here with me. I have replayed that moment that I set you free in my mind dozens of times since. The ache, the emptiness, and the loneliness never subside. I struggle every day, I am lost and often barely holding on. I feel angry, cheated, and betrayed by God that he couldn't make you better, despite my begging, pleading, and bartering with him. I haven't prayed since I lost you, maybe that is why my life continues to fall apart. I long to see you in my dreams, I wait for you every night, but you never come. I miss everything about you, especially your love. I wasn't prepared to say goodbye, I never imagined life without you, I guess I was naive to think that you would live forever. I don't know how to move on without you, I don't know how to stop this pain. I miss you plain and simple. I miss your cuddles, your sweetness, your love, and the way you completed my life. I could get through anything with you by my side and I don't know what to do without you. I long to be with you, to spend eternity with you. Please come and see me. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. ~Love always mommy

5/5/22: Hi sweetheart, today like every day before it has been long and painful. I miss you, but that is nothing new. I realized today that in another month you will have been gone a year already. I don't know how that can be. It feels like it was yesterday that I said goodbye. I am still struggling to cope with your absence, still trying to get through each and every day without you. I thank you for my dragonfly the other day, which appeared after me asking you to let me know that you were okay. I am still waiting for you to come visit me in my dreams. Please never forget how much I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet perfect boy. ~Love always mommy

6/23/22: A year ago today my life suddenly stopped, and my world was forever changed. I lost my heart and soul, my love, and my life. There are not enough words to express how much I miss you. I feel empty, lost, and incomplete. The loneliness is often unbearable, it is something that many do not understand. I never imagined life without you, and I certainly was not prepared to let you go. I have relived that moment dozens of times, wondering what I should have done differently. I continue to pretend that I am okay around everyone because it is easier than explaining how I truly feel, that I will never be okay. I will mourn you for the rest of my life. You will always be my everything and I hope you will never leave me. I cherish the memories that I have, the way you could make me laugh, smile, and feel whole. I don't know what to do without you, I am simply lost. Never stop giving me signs and please come and visit me in my dreams. I love and miss you every second of every single day my sweet perfect boy. Love always~ Mommy

7/2/22: Hi my sweet boy. I just wanted to tell you that I love and miss you. Life just isn't the same and never will be. I miss everything about you, you made life so much better. You brought nothing but joy and happiness to my life. I feel sometimes that you have moved on, I wait for signs that used to come easily and often find none. I am struggling with this, the thought of not having you with me, seeing frequent signs of you sending me dragonflies breaks me even more. I beg for signs, wait for you every night, which a visit has still yet to come. I did see a dragonfly yesterday, so I will take comfort in that. Please don't leave me, sweetheart, I am barely holding on as it is. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always and forever my sweet perfect boy. ~ Mommy

7/21/22: Hi my sweet boy. I love and miss you, sweetheart. I know that this is nothing new. I keep asking you for signs to let me know that you are still here, but nothing seems to come. I cannot begin to fathom the thought that you have moved on and that you are no longer here with me in spirit. I struggle to get through each and every day as it is and having that be a reality is too much. So please Dukey give me something to indicate that you haven't left me. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love always ~ Mommy

7/23/22: It is one year and one month today that I set you free. There has not been a day since that I don't think about you, miss you, and long to be with you again. Life will never be the same again in so many ways. I struggle to survive most days and miss you every second of every day. The ache and loneliness never go away. You will forever be my everything, my love, and my life. Thank you for so many memories and for your unconditional love. I will continue to wait for signs that you send and hopefully a visit in my dreams. I love and miss you every second of every day forever and always my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

8/23/22: It has been 14 months today since I set you free. This will always be the hardest decision that I have ever had to make. I miss you every second of every day. I long for you, struggle without you, and will forever be incomplete. I still wait for you every night to come and visit me and celebrate on the days that you send me a dragonfly. I will forever be grateful for your love and for so many memories. Please come and see me. I love and miss you every second of every day forever and always. Love always ~ Mommy

9/23/22: It is hard to believe that it has been 15 months since I had to say goodbye. There is not a second of the day that I don't miss you. I will forever feel incomplete, lost, and broken. I miss you, my baby. I will continue to wait for you each night to visit and embrace the signs that you send to me. Thank you for loving me. I am forever grateful to be your mommy. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

10/3/22: Happy Birthday my sweet boy. This is your 2nd heavenly birthday. I hope that you had a good day and that you were spoiled. I miss you, but that is nothing new. I told myself that I was going to celebrate your wonderful life today and rejoice in the many memories that I have of you, but I am sad. Sad that you are not here with me on your special day and every day for that matter. Sad that I didn't get more time with you. I will forever be incomplete without you. Lost, empty, and alone. Never to feel your unconditional love again, at least not in this lifetime. For now, I will cherish every second that I was blessed to have you here with me, cherish all the wonderful memories and the love that you gave so freely. I was hoping for a dragonfly today, but I can understand that you were busy. Please come and visit and continue to give me signs that you are here. I love and miss you every second of every day. Happy Birthday again my sweet perfect boy. Love always ~ Mommy

10/23/22: It's 16 months today since I lost my everything. I wish I could say that the struggle gets easier, but I feel just as empty now as I did the day I lost you. I miss you, sweetheart. I miss everything about you. You made every day so much better. Your absence has left me lost, lonely, and forever incomplete. I still struggle to get through most days. I long for you and will continue to mourn you for the rest of my life. Thank you for the dragonfly today, I couldn't have asked for anything better, especially today. I will continue to merely exist, hide my pain, and pretend that I'm fine, only you and God know otherwise. Please come and see me, I could really use a visit. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~Mommy

10/31/22: Happy Halloween my sweet boy. I miss you so very much. I miss dressing you up, seeing how happy you were with the kids and your constant smile. Life is not the same without you, I know it never will be. I hope you had a good day my sweet boy. Halloween is just the start of all of the holidays that I just as well forget and bypass. I'm not ready for more holidays without you, I can barely make it through a normal day. Please give me a sign that you're here. Please come and visit me in my dreams. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~Mommy

11/20/22: Hi my sweet boy. I miss you Bubba. I miss everything about you. The emptiness never goes away, it is a feeling that is difficult to explain other than to say that I never feel whole. I walk around just existing and being completely empty. Another month of you being gone will approach in another couple of days. Another holiday that I am left celebrating without you will be here later in the week. I am so tired of struggling and being in pain, tired of hurting. You were the only one in my whole life that loved me so unconditionally. The one that never would hurt me for anything. I can't wait for the day to see you again, to spend eternity with you. I am forever grateful for you my sweet perfect boy. Please come and visit me. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

11/23/22: Hi sweet boy. It is hard to believe that 17 months today I had to make the heartbreaking decision to set you free. Life as it once was will never be the same. I will never be the same. I lost my heart and soul that day. My love, my life, my best friend, and my everything. I have relived that moment what feels like a million times. I wish that I had taken you home, spent the day with you, spoiled you, and allowed Maisie to say goodbye. I carry that regret with me each and every day. I would give anything to have you here with me, to have life back as it once was. I miss you and will mourn you for the rest of my life. I wait for you every night sweet boy. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

11/24/22: Happy Thanksgiving my sweet perfect boy. Oh, how I dread these holidays. Every day is a struggle to get through, but the holidays make it even worse. It is a reminder of the times that will never be again. The joy that is lost, the laughter that is no longer there. Having you by my side while I cooked, sneaking you licks of whip cream and pieces of turkey. You made life so much better just by being here. I hope that you had a great day and that you were with Abby. I hope that you were both spoiled with lots of food and treats. I will forever be grateful for having you in my life, for being your mommy, and for having the absolute best baby. Thank you, my sweet boy, for the love, laughter, and memories. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

12/23/22: A year and a half has passed since I said goodbye not forever, but for now. The day that I stopped living, the day that I died with you. There has not been a second of a day that I have not missed you. I long for you, I wait for any signs that indicate that you are still here with me. The days never get better and time does not ease the pain. I merely exist waiting for the day to spend eternity with you. Christmas will be here in another couple of days, I wish that I could just skip over it as it's another reminder of what will never be. I hung your stocking and so wish you were here to pack it full of treats. Please come and see me, I wait for you every night my sweet boy. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

12/25/22: Merry Christmas my sweet boy. I miss you so much! I hope you had a good day with Abby and that you both got spoiled. I wish I could have bypassed the whole day, as holidays are especially difficult without you here. Please come and see me. I wait for you every night my sweet boy. I miss you beyond words. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

1/23/23: 19 months today my world was completely destroyed. I miss you, I miss everything about you. I wait for you every night to come and visit me, to fill a void if only for a short time. I wake every morning to the same emptiness of another day that I have to face alone. To live in constant loneliness and to face a world that I am too tired to be a part of. To put on a face every day and hide how I truly feel. I am incomplete, tired, broken, and have no will left. You were my savior, my bright spot in this world. The one who loved me no matter what, the one that wouldn't hurt me for the world. I miss you, sweet boy. I will continue to just exist until the time I am blessed to spend eternity with you. I will continue to enjoy the small signs that you give me that let me know you are still here. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love always ~ Mommy

2/12/23: Hi Sweetheart. I just wanted to tell you how much I love and miss you. I am forever grateful for you, for being your mommy and having you to love on for so many years. I will always wish that I had more time with you. My world will be forever incomplete and empty without you. You will forever be my life, my everything, and I will forever love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

2/23/23: Hi my sweet perfect boy. It is unimaginable that it is 20 months today since I held you, saw that sweet smile for the last time, and felt complete. The days since never get better, the emptiness never goes away, and time has healed nothing. I long for you, wait for you every night in my dreams so that the ache will go away even if just for a moment. I miss you just as much now as the day I set you free. You will forever be my everything and I am forever grateful to be your mommy. Please continue to send me signs that you are here. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

3/23/23: It is hard to imagine that in just a few short months you will have been gone two years. Twenty-one months today I lost my heart and soul. Your absence has left me empty and shattered. I miss you just as much today as the day I had to set you free. Time heals nothing, it doesn't ease or lessen the pain, it doesn't alleviate the emptiness or ease the void that I am left with without you. I am forever grateful for being your mommy, and for having you to love and be loved by you. You will forever be my everything, my sweet perfect boy. I continue to wait each night for your visit. I miss you. There are not enough words to express how much I miss you and how lost and lonely I am without you. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

4/23/23: Hi my sweet boy. I sure do miss you, although that is nothing new. Today marks 22 months since I set you free. 22 months of being incomplete, lost, and broken. Every day is the same as the day before it. The emptiness is crippling. Being here without you is a struggle every day. It is a fight that no one can ever completely understand. I know that I am not the only one that lost you, but I feel that we had the closest bond. Time has made nothing better, I struggle just as much now as I did the first day without you. I continue to wait every night for you to come and visit. I continue to wait for any sign that you give that lets me know that you are still here. I love and miss you every second of every day and I will mourn you forever. You will forever and always be my everything. Love you always and forever. ~ Mommy

5/23/23: Hi sweetheart. It's been 23 months today since my life was forever changed. How is it possible that a month from now you will have been gone 2 years? It feels like yesterday that life stopped. Every single day is a struggle. Life is unbearable without you here. I struggle every day to go on, to pretend that I'm okay, to pretend that everything is fine when I know that nothing will ever be fine. I wait every night for you, to feel whole again if only just for a moment. No one understands the agony that I live with every single day, because I have to pretend that I'm fine. I miss you every second of every day. You will always and forever be my everything. Thank you for loving me, and for being the absolute best boy ever. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day.~ Love Mommy

6/23/23: Two years ago today, I lost my everything. I died with you that day and every day since is a struggle. I feel as if I just exist. My heart and soul went with you the day I set you free. My whole world fell apart that day and continued thereafter. I do believe that the emptiness far outweighs the physical pain that I endured when Abby passed away. As bad as that pain was, it gradually subsided. This emptiness is gut-wrenching, it is a torture all its own. I am incomplete and feel the void every single day. This feeling never subsides, it is my constant reminder that I will never be whole again, it is also my reminder of the bond that we shared and will forever. I am so grateful for you, and would not change a single day that I was blessed to have you here with me. I have never minimized anyone else's feelings from losing you, but no one will ever remotely understand how losing you has affected me. You were always my constant, my protector, and my everything. You exemplified what unconditional love is, and I miss that. I know that I will never feel that kind of love ever again. To have someone protect me, cherish and love me the way you always did. I miss you! I wait for you every night and constantly look for signs that you send. Please never forget how much you are forever loved and missed. Thank you for loving me always. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet perfect boy. ~ Love Mommy

7/23/23: It has been two years and one month since I saw your sweet face and felt whole. What I wouldn't give to see your sweet face again. I look forward to the day that I can spend eternity with you. I miss you. There has not been a day since I set you free that I don't hurt, that I haven't felt lost and alone. You will forever be my everything. Life has not nor ever will be the same again. I am forced to find what little strength or will I have left to wake up every day and go on. No one will ever know the pain I carry every day. The emptiness that I feel. I miss you beyond words, never ever forget that. Please continue to give me signs that you are here and please come and visit me. I love and miss you every second of every day. I love you always ~ Mommy

8/19/23: Hi my sweet boy. I miss you from the moment I wake up to the moment I close my eyes and go to sleep. I miss your sweet face, your love, and your presence. I am empty and incomplete. It is a feeling that no one could ever understand. There are so many days that I just want to give up, so many days when the pain and emptiness are just too much, but I don't want to mess up anything that would prevent me from getting to spend eternity with you. Thank you for all of the dragonflies that you have been sending. I hope you know how much that brightens my day. It is hard to believe that you have been gone from this physical world for over two years. I was unable to comprehend at the moment that I set you free, that it would be the last time that I would hold you, see your sweet face, and feel whole again. I never imagined life without you. I am so sorry that I couldn't make you better. Life is so unfair sometimes and I will never understand why. Please never forget how much I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

8/23/23: Hi my sweet boy. It is hard to imagine that you have been gone for 26 months today, over two years since I held my sweet boy. There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought of you. I miss you every second of every day. You will forever and always be my everything. Never forget how much you are loved and missed. Please continue to give me signs that you are still with me. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet Dukey. Love you always ~ Mommy

9/23/23: Hi my sweet perfect boy. It is hard to believe that you have been gone from this world for 27 months today. In just a couple of weeks, it will be your 14th birthday. What I wouldn't give to have you here with me each and every day. You made life so much better and I miss everything about you. I am forever grateful for you and so blessed to be your mommy. I know that life will never be the same. I wake up each day and try to navigate this life without you, and it is difficult. There is not a day that goes by that I don't long to be with you. Please continue to send me signs that you are here and dragonflies. I love and miss you every second of every day my sweet boy. I love you always ~Mommy

10/3/23: Happy 3rd Heavenly Birthday my sweet boy. What I wouldn't give to spend your special day with you. I loved celebrating your birthday day and seeing your sweet face light up when we sang to you. I never dreamed that our time was limited, never imagined a day without you in it. I miss you! Life just isn't the same anymore without you here. I will make sure to still celebrate you on this day. I will make sure that there are still cupcakes, to honor you. I hope that you are being spoiled at the bridge and getting all of your favorite treats. I love and miss you every second of every day. I love you always and forever my sweet perfect boy. ~love Mommy

10/23/23: Hi my sweet boy. It is amazing how time flies by. It is hard to imagine that 28 months ago today, I held you in my arms for the last time, kissed your sweet face, and felt your love. I will forever feel like I failed you. Always wish that I could have made you better. I wish so much that I had taken you home with me that day. The only comfort that I have is knowing that your body had, had enough and that you were tired. Watching you decline so rapidly was torture in itself. I would have taken all of your pain and fought that battle myself if I could have. I am so sorry my sweet boy. You are and always will be the bravest. I am forever grateful for you. I love and miss you every second of every day and always will. Love always ~Mommy

11/23/23: Hi my sweet boy. Happy Thanksgiving sweetheart. Days like these I would rather bypass, as it's another reminder that you're not here. There are no words to express how much I miss you. I used to love Thanksgiving, having you right by my side, sneaking you turkey any chance I could. Life will never be the same again; I know this because I live it every day. It's hard to believe that it's 29 months today since I had to set you free. It will forever be the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I struggle every day without you, but I try to focus on all the joy that you brought to my life instead of the pain of losing you. I will forever be grateful for you and forever be so honored to be your mommy. I hope you're being spoiled up there and have had a feast today. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet, perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy.

12/23/23: How is it possible that you have been gone from this physical world for two and a half years? It still feels like yesterday. The image of you being wheeled into that room with the biggest smile on your face, not realizing that you would never go home with us again. I live with that image every single day. I close my eyes at night, and it keeps me from falling asleep. I relive every moment of that day. I miss you and will for the rest of my life. Life sucks since you left; nothing will ever be the same again. Christmas is in a couple of days, and I couldn't care less. There is nothing that I could wish for that would ever change anything. Thank you for sending the dragonflies; you don't know how much that makes my day. Please keep sending me signs to let me know that you are here. I love and miss you every second of every day. I love you always, my sweet, perfect boy ~ love Mommy

12/25/23: Merry Christmas, my sweet boy. I hope you had a good day and were spoiled. I sure did miss you here. Daddy hung your stocking, but what I wouldn't give to have you here with me. Nothing is the same anymore; life is different. Sadness surrounds me, and I am lost. Time makes nothing better. The emptiness is still here, the sadness cripples me. I struggle nearly every day without you. I miss you beyond words. I love and miss you every second of every day. Never forget that. You will forever be my everything. Love you, my sweet boy ~Mommy

1/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy. I just wanted you to know how much I love and miss you. Not a day goes by that you are not in my every thought. What I wouldn't give to hold you, give you scratchies, and cuddle with you. Another month has passed since you went away. The memory of that day is forever embedded in my memory and soul. I close my eyes and always return to that last day with you. That memory haunts me. I am so sorry that I couldn't make you better. I hope that you will one day forgive me for having to make that decision. I was hoping for a dragonfly today, but I understand you couldn't send it. Please never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet, perfect boy. Love you always ~ Mommy.

2/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy. I just wanted you to know that I love and miss you! Another month has passed since I saw your sweet face, held you for the last time, and felt complete. It is hard to imagine that in a few short months, it will be three years that you will have been gone. I don't know how that is possible. It feels like yesterday. The only peace is that as fast as time has passed, it just gets closer to spending eternity with you. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I have missed you every second of every day since I had to set you free. Time has changed nothing. I am just as broken now as I was the day you took your last breath. Life will never be the same again. Thank you for my dragonflies this week. I hope you know how much it means to me. I miss you, my sweet muffin man. Please never forget how much you are loved and missed every second of every single day. Love you always ~ Mommy

3/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy; another month has passed with you gone. There is not a single day that I haven't mourned for you since you left this physical world. I wait for you every night; hang on to any sign you may give me that lets me know that you're here. Life will never be the same again. You made my life so much better and made every day a blessing. I am lost, sad, and empty without you here by my side. It is unfathomable that you have been gone for nearly 3 years. I don't know how that is possible; where has the time gone? Every day is a struggle; some days are worse than others. Those days I find unbearable; I just want to be with you more than anything. I miss you, my sweet boy. I hope that you're okay. Please never forget how much you're loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy

4/23/24: HI, my sweet boy. It is hard to believe you have been gone for 2 years and 10 months today. In a couple of short months, it will be 3 years. How is that possible? My life ended with you on 23 Jun 2021. Life has never been the same. I close my eyes and relive that last day on earth with you. The last time I saw your smile, your sweet face, and felt your love. I am so tired, and I miss you beyond words. There has not been a moment since I set you free that I have not thought about you. I often lay awake at night while everyone is asleep and cry because when I close my eyes, I relive that day all over again. I wish I had taken you home with me that day. I feel like I failed you, and I am so sorry, my sweet boy. You will forever be my everything. Thank you for loving me. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~Mommy

5/23/24: Hi my sweet boy. In just one short month it will have been 3 years without you. The emptiness never goes away. This feeling of being completely alone never ends. I miss you just as much now as I did then. I go to sleep hoping that I will see you in my dreams. I wake up still expecting to see you here. I died with you that day. My life changed forever. No one will ever understand how losing you has affected me. How your absence has crippled me. You were and will forever be my everything. Life feels like it's standing still while at the same passing by and moving on without me. The guilt that I feel from that day has destroyed me. I am so sorry my sweet boy that I couldn't make you better, that I didn't take you home. I love and miss you every second of every single day. ~ love always, mommy.

6/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy. How is it possible that today marks three years since I set you free to have no more pain? Three long years of being without you, not seeing your sweet face, feeling your love, and being complete. My whole world fell apart that day and continued afterward. Life has never nor will it ever be the same since you left. I have relived that moment a hundred times. I never imagined life without you. I have never been so unconditionally loved and never will be. I have heard that if you're lucky, there is such a thing as a soul dog who comes into your life and forms this amazing bond with you that is stronger than anything. You were and always will be my heart and soul, my soul dog. I am forever grateful for you, for your love, and for making every single day so much better. I am forever grateful for the 11 years and 8 months that I was blessed to have you with me physically. I will mourn you and honor you for the rest of my life. Thank you, my sweet boy, for loving me and making my life so much better. I love and miss you every second of every single day. I love you always and forever. ~Mommy

7/23/2024: Hi, my sweet boy. Today marks 37 long months without you. Oh, how I miss you. Life is not the same and never will be. I will never understand why. Why did you have to get cancer? Why did the treatments stop working? Why you? Why is it so unfair that we lose those who are loved beyond anything else? It is a true saying that if love alone could have kept you here, you would have lived forever. I died with you that day, and I struggle most days to survive and get through it. I hope that when it's my time, I will be rewarded for all the heartbreak I have endured and be blessed to spend eternity with you. Please never forget how much you are loved and missed. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet boy. Love you always ~ Mommy

8/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy. It is hard to imagine you have been gone for 38 months today. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that each day that passes is another day I am closer to being with you for eternity. I miss you, my sweet boy and life is not the same without you. I will never understand why it had to be you. Why couldn't the treatment have worked and allowed you many more years with me? I miss everything about you from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I close them; you are in my thoughts. I will miss and love you every second of every single day for the rest of my life. Never forget how much you're loved and missed, my sweet Dukey. Love you always ~Mommy

8/31/24: Hi, my sweet baby. I miss you so much! This has been one of those weeks that I wish, more than anything, that I had you here to comfort me and make everything better. Thank you for the dragonfly; I needed it so much that day. Thank you for loving me and making my life so much better! What I wouldn't give to have you here with me, to rewind time and never let you go. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always and forever ~ Mommy

9/23/24: Hi, my sweet boy. Thirty-nine months ago today, I held you for the last time, kissed you, and told you I love you. Life has never been the same since. I died with you that day, and the only difference is that I wasn't buried. I was left here to face this world without you in it. To endure the emptiness alone. I miss you beyond words. I close my eyes and relive that last day all over again. I put this face on to hide how I feel because everyone expects that after three years, I should be ok. I will never be ok. I lost my everything that day. I feel that I just exist, I have no place. I can't wait to see you again. I pray every night that God will one day allow me to live with you for eternity. Until then I stay here struggling through each day and hiding from everyone how much I am suffering. I love and miss you every second of every day, my sweet boy. Never forget how much you're loved and missed. ~love you always Mommy

10/3/24: Happy Birthday my sweet boy! This is your 4th heavenly birthday. What I would I give to spend your special day with you. Hailey made sure to get cupcakes in your honor to celebrate your day with Maisie and Ellie. I miss you beyond words. I struggle every day to do this life without you. I am forever grateful for you and so blessed to be your mommy. I never imagined for a moment life without you, never dreamed of a day that you wouldn't be here. My whole world fell apart when you left. I try to do good everyday so that hopefully one day I will be blessed to spend eternity with you. I hope that you got spoiled today. I love and miss you every second of every day, never forget how much you're loved and missed! Happy Birthday again my sweet baby! Love you always ~Mommy

10/23/24: Hi my baby! Forty months ago today I held you in my arms, looked into your trusting eyes, and told you I loved you one last time. I have relived that day in my mind a hundred time, spent many sleepless nights silently crying while everyone else was asleep. It has haunted me, broke me, and crippled me. Having to make that decision to let you go will always be the hardest thing I will ever do. Life stopped that day in so many ways. Most days I can barely function. No one knows this, it's a secret that I keep all to myself. I will never understand why you? Why did cancer have to take you too? Why couldn't you get better with the treatment? I wish so much I would've taken you home that day. Spent that time loving on you a little longer. Allow Maisie to be able to see you and say goodbye. I will never forgive myself for the choices that I made that day. I failed you and I'm so sorry. I knew you were in pain and it killed me to see you like that. I wish I could've made you better. I wish the love that we all have for you could've allowed you to be with us for much longer. There's not a single day that has passed that I don't think about you. I love and miss you every second of every day. Thank you for being my everything. Thank you for loving me. Love you always ~ Mommy

11/23/24: Hi, my sweet, perfect boy! Today marks forty-one months since that dreaded day that I set you free. There hasn't been a moment since that I have not longed for you. I miss you from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes, wishing every night that I will see you in my dreams. Time changes nothing; I feel just as empty and lost now as I did that last day, I held you in my arms and told you I would see you later. The holidays are approaching again, and I dread them so much. If I could skip over them, I would be perfectly fine with that. Each day is just another day that I have to pretend that I am all right. No one would ever know the battle that I fight every day and how heartbroken I truly am. Please send me a dragonfly, sweet boy. I love and miss you every second of every single day. Never forget how much you're loved and missed. Love you always ~ Mommy

11/28/24: Happy Thanksgiving my sweet boy. Boy I wish more than anything that you were here with me. I miss you beyond words. I know how much you loved hanging around the kitchen waiting for mommy to sneak you the turkey and the whipped cream. The last couple years we've gone out to eat on this day. I will still make the turkey, but just not on this day. When I do make it the memories come flooding back and I relive all the good times and the sad times of you not being here. I hope you were spoiled up there. I love and miss you every second of every day. Love you always ~ Mommy