August 10, 2006

Well my baby boy at this time last week I was sitting half on the floor and half in your cage holding you begging you to be strong. I just wanted to be able to bring you home, and we all thought I would of been but you took a step backwards overnight.
Seeing you there fighting so hard , I was so proud of you. I really do think that you waited for me to get to the hospital. When I took you out of your little bed and held you against my body , right over my heart - I will never forget the look in your eyes- it was relief. I promised you that I would always come back for you and no one would ever abandon you again, and in that moment I saw that realization in your beautiful eyes. It is amazing how that last hour you and I kept taking deep breaths together, at the same time, we just held each other and held on to our last earthly moments together- connected, as one.
I know that Aunt Sue and Heathcliff were there , I felt them over us. I saw them there watching us , in the corner of the exam room , waiting. I know you were not alone on your journey away from here. I promised you that you would never be abandoned or alone again - and Aunt Sue and Heathcliff helped Mama keep that promise. I also promised you that I would always come back for you- and I WILL. Just play with Heathcliff and all your new Rainbow Bridge pals and I will be there soon.
I miss you so much. Nothing works without you my darling little boy. Everyone is forcing me to resume daily activities but it does not mean I don't miss you. I miss you terribly. I love you so much.
It's odd, the stray outside that looks so much like you , the one that never let me close to him - he lets me hold him now. That was your doing was'nt it? Thank you. No one will ever replace you EVER- but I think he is your way of looking over me.
One last thing baby boy-
I want you to know that WHEN I DANCE I DANCE FOR YOU.
I love you so much , not one single second goes by that I don't miss you. My little Eli Eli Eli- O.
September 3, 2006
It has been a month, a long painful month without you. I think about you everyday , but you know that already. Sometimes I swear I see you laying in your little bed. I miss you so much.
Isaiah (the kitty that looks like you) he has FeLv, thats why you sent him to me, because you knew I would take care of him. Well I am, of course, he isn't sick at all he is very strong and healthy - I will not give up on him. I never gave up on you, we don't give up in this family.
I miss you so much baby boy. I hope you are happy and free from pain. I can't wait to hold you again, but until then- keep playing with Heathcliff and continue to be the little gentlemen that I know you are to all your rainbow bridge pals. I love you so much and we all miss you more than we can explain. I love you so much.
September 25, 2006
I miss you so much. I just can't believe how messed up life has gotten since you left me. I don't think you understand how badly I need you to sleep beside me, snuggled under the covers. Everything is just a huge disaster. I miss you so much- I will never be the same baby boy. NEVER. I love you so much...

November 23, 2006
It is Thanksgiving , it would of been our 2nd one together, I miss you so much. You have 2 new little brothers, Solomon and Noah, Mastiff puppies. I have told them all about you. Isaiah is in the house now, risky I know, but I know you sent him to me for me to love him and that is exactly what I am doing. He looks so much like you, at first I think Jordan was really confused- I think she thought you were back home. I miss you so much baby boy. My life is nothing near what it was before you left. Sometimes I wonder if you would even recognize me. I have not handled you dieing very well at all. I wish I could bring you back . Jordan has been sleeping with me , under the covers like you used to, I have a feeling you are behind that too. Thank you. I love you so much and I miss you so much. Not one single second passes that I don't miss you . Stay close to Heathcliff , love each other and know how much I love you.
I will save you some turkey. I love you so much.
December 30, 2006
Hello my littleman. I miss you so much. You now have Mica Ruga and Titan with you, please help them settle in at the bridge. Christmas was sad without you and I am dreading New Years Eve. Remember last NYE? You snuggled with me on the couch all night, you were the only one that wasn't afraid of the fireworks. Isaiah went to get a check up and it is amazing- all his blood work is within limits of a healthy kitty. I know you have something to do with that. I love him very much but he NO REPLACEMENT FOR YOU. I love him in his own way just like I love you in your own way. But thank you for sending him to me and thank you for keeping him healthy. No one can tell me that it's not your doing. I miss you so much. I took food to FVS on christmas I told them it was from you.Paula and I have become friends I know she misses you too. We all do my angel baby. Not one single moment goes by that I don't miss you. I love you so much. It will never be okay without you.

March 7,2007
Your birthday was Monday, you would of been 2 years old. I miss you so much. Mama got your name tattooed on my left ankle, you are always with me but somehow I feel like you are with me more now that your name is forever on me. I just miss you so much. There is so much going on and yet I feel so alone. Not one single day goes by that I don't think about you. I love you so much baby boy. I love you so much.

June 25,2007
It's been a bad day my little man. Isaiah had to go see Dr. Johnson today he isn't feeling good. His blood work came back very good and unchanged but there might be something wrong with his lymph nodes. We have to go to FVS tomorrow morning for an ultrasound. I really don't want to go back there again with a baby in my arms. I walked in with you and was never able to bring you home again. Please don't let that happen with Isaiah Riley. I know you sent him to me please don't take him away. I can't do this again, it's just the same time you got sick last year . Please send all your strength , Heathcliff's too, down here to Isaiah , please. My heart still cries for you everyday please don't let anything happen to Isaiah Riley. Please my little man, be with us and send us strength. I love you so much . I love him so much . He will never replace you, nothing ever will. Having him here has been like watching you grow through him as well as seeing how wonderful and loving he is himself. Please don't take that away from mama. Please Elijah Owen I need Isaiah Riley here with me . Please send him strength, please make him okay. I love you so much and I miss you so much . That will never change. Please be with Isaiah and mama as we fight this - help us fight my little man. Please. I love you so much.

August 3, 2007
A year has gone by and I miss you so much. Isaiah Riley is fighting so hard, and I am too. Sometimes I wonder if I have any fight left in me thenhe looks at me just like you did and I know I have to find it somewhere to fight. Eli none of this makes sense to me, I want you back I want Isaiah healthy. I just want it all to be okay. Please give me strength for you and Isaiah Riley. I love you so much- you are always my littleman. Eli Eli Eli O your mama loves you so. I still feel you in my arms baby boy. I wish you could meet Nadia and Matt, I know they would both hold you and kiss you . They already love you. I'm falling apart my littleman-be happy and know not one second goes by that I don't think about you. I love you so much. So much.
August 25, 2007
We had quite a scare with Isaiah Riley this week, I almost lost him. He is a fighter like you and he is doing better and home now. I got to carry him out of FVS and bring him home like I had so hoped I could with you I am just so thankful that you and God were not ready for him. He is such a wonderful baby boy - I know you sent him to me . Thank you so much . Funny how Paula just happened to be in the states and at FVS when Isaiah was at his worst, she loved on him and gave him strength. That was you too, I know it. Thank you for watching over Isaiah and me- I love you so much littleman. I miss you more than I can explain. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here. But I know you watch over us and I'm more convinced of that than ever now that Isaiah is home. Thank you baby- I love you so much.
October 12,2007
I know you have offically met Isaiah now and isn't he wonderful!!! I'm falling apart inside because can't hold hm and kiss him anymore. But if you needed him baby than I understand. I miss you so much and I miss him so much already. Eli take care of Isaiah please and be nice to each other. I will be there soon . . . SOON!! I love you so much my little man.
December 27,2007
Hello my little man. I love you and miss you so much. I'm sorry I didn't write on Christmas day I was just so sad. My second Christmas without you is painful in itself, but it was also my first Christmas without Isaiah- I'm broken.
I arranged for food to go to FVS again Christmas Eve, I just could'nt walk in there so Wayne took it to them. I made little signs so they knew it was from you and Isaiah.
I'm sure you know that there are new additions to the family. Malachi Kane- who is a perfect combination of you and Isaiah,it's scary- then there is Riley Judson and Owen Chapin, they are named after you and Isaiah. Owen is such a mama's boy, just like you. Then Seth Emmanuel, bottle fed and growing up so fast- he's a little spitfire. I love them and I am so glad they found me- or should I say that you and Isaiah sent them to me. But you will NEVER BE REPLACED my baby !! I love you so much! Please stay with Isaiah and both you keep it gangsta. I miss you so much and not a single day goes by that I don't think of you. Dream a little dream my little man- and I will be there soon.

Please also visit Dakota Sioux and Isaiah Riley.