If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. |
Gator you were the greatest gift Santa ever brought. I'll miss you. Your love for snacks. The happiness on your face when you see the first snow. Watching you chase ants or flies or moths. Your eagerness to say hello. Chasing the sprinkler. Being there when nobody else is. Your soft fir. Your huge kisses. The times you felt good enough to chase the ball. And most of all your unconditional love.
You were always there. So happy to lick the tears and provide comfort. Now I cry and there's no one here to stop it. Without you I'm empty, alone, dying inside.
I just wanted to fix you. I'd sell my soul to fix you. To bring you back. Just one more time. One more day. One more minute.
Run free my friend now that you are pain free. Enjoy your new and old friends. And just know I would have done everything I could to change this outcome.
I love you Gator Boy!!
7/13/17 - We've spent a week without you Gator. How is that possible? Sometimes I question if I can breath. It hurts so badly. To think a week ago I was holding you for our last night together. I never wanted it to end. You were suppose to be my forever. Until you were old and gray. Instead I brought your ashes home. Charger misses you so much too. It's so sad to watch. He wants you as badly as I do. It's simply not fair. Even now all I can think about is if I could have just fixed you. Sigh. I hope you love your new friends. And I really hope you got to play with Doc Aby. I'm sure he was thrilled to see you. He took such great care of you all the way until his final days. Xoxoxo
07/22/17 - It's been over two weeks since I last got to look into your eyes. It still hurts Gator. Badly. There isn't a moment that goes by that we don't miss you. But I'm happy your whole again and out of pain. I cleaned out your cupboard and realized you were always so sick. It wasn't fair to you. Maybe you did better the last few months so you could make some great memories before it was your time to go? I really thought we finally had it all figured out without knowing the end was so very close. You looked so tired in our final pictures. It was your time. It just wasn't my hearts time yet. I wasn't ready, but it was selfish to do it any other way. If I could change ONE thing I'd go back 6 years and put you on different food. I've learned valuable lessons thanks to you. I'm just really sad these lessons cost you your life. You were my SoulDog Gator and I will ALWAYS miss you. Run free. Play with your friends. I love you.
09/07/2017 - Two months Gator. Two full months without you kisses, your constant following, your wet nose, your crazy hair EVERYWHERE. Two months feels like a lifetime. Gosh. I miss you. I know you're with me though. Today I heard your snoring as I woke up just like normal. Clear as day. I had to remind myself that wasn't you and you aren't here anymore. And then I realized today marks two months. I think it is you and I do think you're here. Your spirit is here. Just your body is gone. But can I tell you how much I miss that huge body? You were so perfect and I am so glad you were in my life. I wish my heart didn't hurt like it does, but I wouldn't trade the pain for the world if it meant trading you in. I'm so thankful for every second I got with you, I just wish I could have had more. But even more wouldn't have been enough. Life is just so quiet without you. Though I still do vacuum up crazy hair from you. It makes me smile. I don't ever want the traces of you to disappear. In exactly a month we bring home our new puppy. He'd be your nephew. He'll never replace you, but I pray he looks like you. I had to have him and only him as it's like a piece of you. I hope your running free and having the time of your life. You deserve every ounce of happiness in the world! Visit me again soon. XOXOXO
10/27/17 - My Gator Boy. I just had to stop and tell you it's Fall. Though I'm sure you can already see that. Your favorite weather is coming. You loved the fall and winter. It's going to be so hard without you. So many firsts. I'm dreading Christmas. Dreading your stocking coming out of that box. I miss you. I really, really, really do. You taught me so much about life. I dreamt of puppies last night. Thanks for sending them. I wish the pain would stop but that would mean I'm moving on and I still don't want to live without you. Your my first thought when I wake up and my last thought when I go to bed. Enjoy the rainbow bridge. Maybe you could venture into heaven for a few and tell Jamie hi? I really miss him too. He'd love you though. I'm sure of it. Xoxoxo
12/08/2017 - Oh sweet Gator, how much I miss you. I tell you every day but can't say it enough, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. It's impossible to believe we're now at 5 months without you. That's an eternity. I wish you could meet Franklin. You would have LOVED him. So much. Well, he'd actually have driven you insane, but you'd of enjoyed it. He's so much like you. He looks just like you, he acts like you, it's crazy. Somedays I'm positive reincarnation is real and I have you back. Just in a healthy body. Everyone else thinks I'm insane, but gosh, he could be your carbon copy. Seriously. He definitely keeps me going through the days when I'm missing you too much to breath. He's so happy with the world, just as I'd imagine you would be if you had been healthier. Christmas is soon. I unpacked your stocking and hung it on the tree. But I wish you were here too. Thanks for being amazing Gator and the best dog anyone could ever ask for.
10/05/2018 - It's your birthday Gator! You should be turning 8. Enjoying the first snowfall, eating a steak, celebrating like the incredible soul you were! I'm sure they'll have an incredible birthday party for you at the Rainbow Bridge. Maybe you created these freezing & snowy temps that you loved so much? You have been gone over a year and I still miss you so much. It's unbelievable. I've realized something. I'll never find another dog like you. What we had was special. Once in a lifetime. My souldog! It's been rough. It's still rough. I still wish you could have met Crazy Frank. My gosh. He needs you to teach him a thing or two. He's your polar opposite. I once read "you won't get the dog you want, you'll get the dog you need". Maybe I needed someone with boundless energy to force me to live life. If he had your personality we'd just watch movies & lay around 24/7. Not Frank. Frank is CRAZY. You'd of loved him. You could have taught him to chill. He could have forced you to play! Tomorrow is Franklin's Gotchya Day. So, I'm getting him a gift & a gift to celebrate your birthday.... A black lab puppy. You'd love him too. I'm sure of it. Just a few more hours & Hamilton will be coming home. I secretly hope he's a little more like you. But you taught me something... Well a few things... A deep love for labradors & to never wait for the right time. You'd of loved your own lab earlier. So, I won't make that mistake again. I'll just keep bringing them home! I miss you Gator Boy! Have a great birthday buddy.