Your passing came too sudden. I knew something wasn't right towards the end of August because you didn't want to eat as much food. I thought it was your IBD. I had brought you to Banfield at the end of August to get you scheduled for a dental cleaning but they said your heart murmur had gotten much louder. So I set up an appointment at Dogs and Cats for a vet visit to get your heart looked at on September 4th. They told me they no longer had a cardiologist there. I was thinking, ok well maybe they can still check your heart out. I should have taken you to another hospital with an actual cardiologist. I wonder if things would be better and if you would have still been here. I feel negligent. I hope you can forgive me. It breaks my heart because I should have known.

On Thursday morning when Gabe brought you to dogs and cats they said you weren't doing well. Your gums were pale and you were bleeding internally. They recommended a blood transfusion so I did. On Friday your red blood cells shown to have improved but you developed pancriatitis. I went to visit you after work with Gabe on Friday. You were walking around in the room nearly bumping into walls cuz you were blind. I held you and you slept in my lap. On Saturday you started to decline as your kidney values shot up. They said they were hesitant on pumping more IV fluids because of your heart. I decided to pick you up and take you to Chesapeake vet referral in Annapolis because they had a cardiologist there. The only sad thing was they weren't in until Tuesday because of the holiday. I was praying we could have kept you alive until then. Then yesterday morning I called the doctor. They said you appeared to have had a cardiac episode and or possibly a stroke because your head was tilted sideways. I knew it was time. I couldn't keep you suffering any longer. You put up a good fight. I called my boss to come relieve me as soon as I found out. Those 25 minutes until he got there felt like hours.

When the tech brought you out of the hospital you looked so weak. I held you on the car ride home telling you how much I love you and that you will be with your sister soon. We brought you home so you could say good bye to Starbucks. We laid you in bed and I continued to kiss you and read some devotions to you like I did Honey. I cried all night Saturday night because I knew that was the last night you would be here and I wanted to spend that last night with you but you were in the hospital. I was happy that I could have those 5 hours with you on Sunday. We cuddled. I had you drink some water around noon and thought there would be hope when you didn't throw it back up. Everyone came to say goodbye to you.

Looking back over the last year when We had to say good bye to Honey I could tell you missed her. You wanted to be with her. I will miss everything about you. I wont forget when before you became blind we use to play fetch with your tennis balls. Chasing after squirrels with you and your sister was fun while going on walks. We spent so much time together. You and your sister were my best friends. Even when you became blind we still went for walks. Last Tuesday we gave you a bath and when you were done you were rolling around on the floor. To see you decline so rapidly in 2 days made me so surprised. I will always miss you my Lilly girl. My baby beagle. I will miss not having to clean up poop or pee pads. I miss not hearing you snore. I hope you were able to find Honey and were able to give each other kisses. I am sure you both are sleeping next to each other right now since its 430am. I really hope you both can find your way back to me. I miss you both. I want us to be together forever. When it comes time for me to pass please come find me. I want to hold you both again and never let you go.

Please also visit Honey Kerschner.