A few months passed, I fed you and made a cozy bed in the carport for you. One day you vanished. That's what happens to feral cats I told myself; they leave and you never know what happened to them. About a month later, I saw you limping across my back yard. Skin and bones, covered with blotches of what looked like oil or grease, and long bloody strings of saliva hanging from your mouth. What happened to you I sobbed? I raged at God for allowing this to happen to one of his creatures. Even injured and hurt, you found your way back to my yard. You went to the soft bed I had kept for you in the carport where you slept for two days straight. You slowly began to eat again, and your wounds healed. I never knew what had caused those injuries, but in a few months you were a sleek, cranky old man. I named you "Old Man", but laughingly referred to you as "The Mean Old S.O.B." And that you were! Still not allowing me to touch you, yet you never left the yard again

Time flew, and I told you every day, "It's OK, I don't have to touch you to love you". It took 2 years, but one day in 2017 you rubbed your head against me while I filled your food dish; I reached out and touched your big golden head and I knew we were friends

I contacted a local neuter/release organization for feral cats; they came out, captured you, neutered, vaccinated and returned you to me. No longer a yowling, spraying tomcat, you mellowed out into a big lusty boy, and I loved you so. I never knew exactly how old you were, the neuter/release organization said you were about 10 years old

What a good 5 years you had with me from 2015 to 2020! Still not a cuddly lap cat, I knew better than try and pick you up, having tried once and you rewarded me with a mighty swing and a loud hiss. So I contented myself with a pat on your head, and told you "Yes, you are the meanest and the oldest S.O.B. who has ever lived!" You followed me while I worked in the yard, laying in the warm sun. We had long conversations, you and I. But I seemed to do all the talking, while you patiently listened and gave me a slow blink and soft purr

Several weeks ago you stopped eating. I coaxed you with bits of boiled chicken & broth which you refused. You went downhill rapidly; your breathing was labored and you could barely walk. Cancer? Kidney failure? I called several vets, but none of them would treat a feral cat. I tried force-feeding you but the food stayed on your face and your eyes begged me to stop. So I called the feral cat organization who neutered you and asked them for help. They came out and we decided the kindest thing I could give you was peace. You were euthanized and returned to me. You were wrapped in a soft towel; I thought you looked like a sleeping angel. For the first time I was able to hold you in my arms. I must have cried for an hour, heartbroken and empty as I drove you to the pet memorial park for cremation. I scattered some of your ashes near the flowers where you loved to stretch out. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. And sometimes when evening falls and the shadows are long, I can still see you... a big gold & white fellow with beautiful sea-green eyes

My heart is broken. I miss you. Forgive me for not being able to save you. You graced my life for 5 years and I bless the day I met you. Rest gently, you Mean Old S.O.B. You are now well and whole again. And I know we will one day meet again. Goodnight my angel

5/13/2020 Please come back. My heart is breaking; I'm trying but right now find no comfort in anything. I love you so, I miss you so, I need you so. My beautiful boy, my angel

7/03/2020 My sleeping angel, you would love today here! The bluest sky, warm sun, and soft grass. Rest gently, my sweet old soul; I miss you more than any words could ever say

12/25/2020 Missing you this lovely Christmas Day. I know you are now well and whole and young again... but I still grieve for your presence. You are ever and always loved; beyond time and eternity.

4/21/2021 And now, a year after you left this earth, I still think of you every day. When you were here, I thought our time together was endless; that my old friend would always be by my side. Yet somehow you still are! When I plant a flower or tend the yard, I swear I can feel your grizzled old head rub my arm. We will meet again, you know. So, wait for me and we will talk then. Rest gently, my beloved

4/20/2022 And so it has been 2 years now. You are ever and always, one of the most precious souls I have ever known. It's Spring, and I know you would love to sit nearby while I planted flowers. You were a blessing in my life, and when we meet again we will talk and rest in the warm sunshine. Rest well, my beloved old soul

12/23/2022 Rest gently, my forever friend. You and I will talk soon; wait for me to hold you in my arms forever

2/01/2023 My beautiful friend, I guess you know I am very sick and nearing coming to see you. I am not afraid, I have so many of you waiting for me. We will talk and rest and be together for all time. Until I hold your beautiful soul in my arms again, I love you and can't wait to see you.