Today, Sami Cloves KitKat, was the most dreaded day ever. I knew I couldn't keep you forever, but since I was so lucky to have you 19 years 3 months and 3 days......I began to think I could have you more months....you would enjoy Halloween, have turkey at Thanksgiving, lay under the Christmas Tree and gently tread toward your 20th birthday. Everything changed this morning.....you couldn't sit up to eat your breakfast, your bed was soiled, your paw was edematous ...........you cried when I picked you up out of your bed to clean you.... the first time this ever happened. This week when you were slower to go to your litter box and get a drink, I thought the weather changes were aggravating your arthritis and you'd feel better in a few days. This morning I knew it was more than arthritis. I called the emergency clinic and held your paw as I drove to the hospital. Dr. Streeter said you had fluid retention, felt you were uncomfortable, and it was the right decision to let you go. I spent some time with you. I gave you lots of kisses...kissed your head, paws and nose, and held you. You purred as I stroked your fur and kissed your head. Dr. Stretter helped your life transitioned to death. I was with you when you were born, I cut your cord when KoKo was too tired to take care of you. Today I removed the IV from your arm after you died.

As your body laid in your carrier, I held your paw on the way home again. I gave you a bath and groomed you. Zen got in the bathtub with you as I bathed you. Zen groomed your head/ears as I dried your fur. Hyperactive Zen calming by you, "Uncle Sami." You were Zen's best friend.

Your sweet, soft silent body lies so regal beside me. Tomorrow is your cremation.....I'll have to give you up another time.........I don't know how I will do it, it'll be so very hard. For so long I anticipated your death, worried with anticipatory grief. Somehow in the last few weeks I got comfortable with your breathing difficulties and stopped expecting you to die.

Zen, Nova and Mystic have all visited you. I took you downstairs and held your body for a long time. Zen laid beside you several times. Sometimes, I think he understands you have died, other times I'm not so sure he does. He's going to miss you "Uncle Sami." He's so attached to you. You have been his buddy since we got the kittens, he loved you and he'll miss you.
Sami you were a kitty with such a big heart. You were the support kitty for each of your littermates and mamma kat, KoKo, as their health failed and they died. I'll never forget you nearby presence for Shadow and Blue Angel as they were sick and died. You were so very sad when both died. You felt the grief I now feel for you.

I was so scared when we needed to move in July. I was afraid the move would stress you and cause a flare in your pancreatitis or some other stress related health issue. You were very impatient at your bathroom confinement when the movers carried our belongings to the truck. You wanted to check out what was happening. I put the gate up so you could watch. You still wanted out to be a part of the action. You sat up in your carrier seemly stress free as we travel the entire 1/2 mile to our new house. You were the first out of a carrier, went over to Mystic and Zen's carrier as to say "Come out" "We have exploring to do." You happily explored each upstairs room. I put a baby gate up so you couldn't go downstairs protecting you from falling. Two weeks after moving in, I went by the downstairs litter box to find you left a deposit......I had no idea when you traveled down and upstairs as the gate was up. The next weekend I was downstairs unpacking, looked up and watched you come down the stairs. I watched as you took the last step, walked around the room, looked into boxes, with confidence went back up the stairs....all 15 steps without resting at the landing. You made two more trips downstairs that I was aware of. You were more active after our move than you had been in a long time, you played in the packing paper, hung out by the tree and even played with the dabird again... As I stained the deck, I watched through the door as you cruised though the living room, into the kitchen and dining room with confront, exploration and a renewal of youth.....then suddenly you began to slow this week.

I have many wonderful memories, 19 years 3 months and 3 days of memories. I'm so glad all the memories are wonderful. They will stay in my heart and mind forever. Nothing can remove them.
One of my favorite is your earning closet time this year. My closet was the only place in the house off limits to kats. I dressed quickly and rush out the door to avoid fur on my workclothes. In June just before your 19th birthday, you made a mad dash across the bed at senior speed as I opened the closet. You nearly walked off the bed. I caught you quick enough to break your fall but not to keep you out of the closet. You were so very happy. You had accomplished the mission.......gaining entry to the closet. I didn't have the heart to take you out. So we made you a bed in the closet. What a happy boy you were. I missed you sleeping with me, but enjoyed the pride you seem to have with being in the closet. When we moved, you were given you very own closet. This week as you had difficulty walking, I placed a bed in the bathroom for you, you walked right by the bed to return to your closet. Your dream house!!!!

You loved catnip, a bag or suitcase, da'bird, a sock filled with catnip, your extra large tennis ball, the kittens toy carrot...which you stole from them any chance you got...even after I got you your very own carrot, you took the kittens. When we lived in Indiana, the kitchen cabinets were very tall. You would jump up on the stove, jump straight up, hook you paws on the top of the cabinets and pull yourself up....I couldn't believe how easily your pulled yourself up by your front paws...and when you were ready to get down...way above my head, you jumped straight down to the small ledge the stove offerred. When you were just a tiny little boy, you enjoyed Halloween decorations and attempts to frighten the visiting children begging for candy.......you sat at the window as the scary porch/yard invited kids with courage to come for their candy. Last year, I thought the doorbell might stress you. You sat at the end of the stairs and watched the kids. I had some to step in for their candy so they could see you knowing you were enjoying them. You had a cool birthday celebration on your 18th birthday. We gave your vet's office a party...a 3D cat cake decorated in your colors, a litterbox cake with speciems and lots of gifts of cat things...your birthday was well celebrated. I was sure it would be your last. We got to celebrate your 19th birthday with a bouquet of cat cookies.

When you were diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis May 2010. I thought you received an immediate death sentence. I had just lost Blue Angela and couldn't imagine I was losing you and would not have any cats after your passing. Convinced you would die, I reserved 2 Himalayan Kittens (Nova and Mystic). As time approached to bring the kittens home, your health issues were stable. You slept most of the time after Blue Angel died. I was worried how you would cope with the kittens. Nova and Mystic had a tiny baby brother who came home with us to. I confined the kittens, you didn't appreciate that. You knocked down the barricade several times and got in with your kittens..at least for a minute until I retrieved you. After their week of confinement, the baby brother waltz down the hall as you sat in the bathroom doorway, introduced himself to you with a mutual nose-to-nose greeting......little brother earned his name Zen the peaceful one, and you found a best friend and Zen found a wonderful "Uncle Sami." How special you welcomed your three kittens. How happy you were with them. I got my last picture of the 4 of you together as you hung out in the bathroom Sunday evening.

You've been a trooper managing chronic pancreatitis, laryngeal paralysis, arthritis and asthma. At 18.5 you even conquered pneumonia. You rallied so many times in the past year. You were certainly impressive. You took your medicine and let me give you fluids easily. Subq fluid time was a time to snuggle with you as the fluids dripped under your skin to help you stayed hydrated so you wouldn't drink so much water, vomit and risk aspiration with your laryngeal paralysis.

Sami, you are the last of my KoKo Kats to lose. It's hard to now believe this time has came. It seems only like yesterday I got KoKo then kept her 4 kittens. My heart breaks for losing you and for losing your kat family KoKo, Sunshine, Shadow and Blue Angel.

You are lying beside of me so peaceful. I can still give you a kiss, a pet or look over and think just maybe I see you take a breath. Tomorrow, you'll change forms and take your place along with your first feline family. Your crystal butterfly will take it's place upon your urn. My heart will have another level of sadness tomorrow. I hope Zen's heart will have the peace you and he created at first meeting.

I hold you in my heart and there will be many more memories to share here when my heart and mind can focus.

SAMI

I hold you in my heart
I hold you in my heart

I held you in my arms
stroked your long soft fur
placed final kisses upon your head
comforted by your purr
life transitioned to death
draped you body with my tears
I held you in my arms

I embrace your memory
so many memories
each memory etched deeply into my heart
pawprints of life

I miss your sweet gentle ways
Death removed you from my arms
took your place in my heart
I'll hold you in my heart

I love you my Sami Cloves KitKat, I'll hold you in my heart
Forever.

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September 24, 2011 Cremation

Sami your quiet soft little body spent the night on our bed. Zen, Mystic and Nova visited with you on and off. At times Zen was very interested in checking you out or lying up against you. Other times he played. This morning I wrapped you in the silk blankets to take you to the crematory. After I wrapped you, Zen tried to get underneath your wrapped blankets. He followed me downstairs and watched as I took you out to the car. I'm don't know what he understands, but he definitely knows something usual is happening with you. He stays as your buddy.

I took you to Compassionate Friends Crematory. A teary time. You were viewed on a table for a little while as I shared stories of you, your feline family and pictures. A clipping of your fur was taken...and I decided to keep a couple of whiskers too. Pawprints were made. I gave you more kisses and hugs and stroked your fur. Knowing our brief time would be final time to see you, touch you and kiss you. You were placed in a clean cremator, the door closed.......Just as I cut your cord at birth, removed your catheter at death, I pressed the button to begin your cremation. It took about an hour and half to cremate you. Once you were removed, I chose several tiny bones including toes and ribs to keep. I brought you back home and placed you urn on the mantel beside Blue Angel, Sunshine, Shadow and KoKo. A ruby red crystal butterfly was placed on top of your urn. Be Free.

I opened the box from Tracy Paine mailed November 10, 2010. When you had pnuemonia, I made paw impressions for broze pawprints. You were well on your way to recuperation when I recieved the package. I place it in the closet unopened. When I opened the box, I found 5 bronze pawprints, the impressions I made and the molds to make the bronze prints. Just as with Blue Angel, they were amazingly comforting and very hard to sit down. I loved your paws...to hold, kiss, play with, or clip claws, your paws were were precious. I'm so glad to have bronze paw prints of yours. Thanks to Tracy once again for pawprints of comfort and connection.

Sami, I feel empty today, my muscles can't see to relax, sleep evades me although I'm terribly exhausted. I find myself reminding myself you really are gone, trying to understand what so rapidly took place to take you away, feeling an extra sense of loss since you were the last of KoKo's feline family. I feel like I need to do something for you...feed you, give you your predisone so you can breath, warm your Subq Fluids....it's so strange not having you here, not taking care of you.

I miss you Sami. I hope I loved you enough!

Today I carried one of your bronze pawprints in my pocket. Everytime I felt sad, thought of you, felt a tear in my eye, I held your bronze pawprint. Tonight is the first day to come home from work without you being here.........feels so strange not to be taking care of you, lonely, big space left vacant in the house. Your vet's office sent a beautiful Azalea Plant. What a nice way to remember you. I hope I can keep it alive during the winter and will plant it next spring where your kitty memory stone will be. I have a picture of you when you were a younger man, you were asleep on the bed where you crawled under a blanket.........your head was sticking out of one end of the blanket and your back legs and tail the opposite, you were sound asleep. You looked so silly and funny..the things you did.

Tonight when I came home, the house seemed quietly empty....you weren't here. I hold your I'll hold you in my heart tonight.

*****************************Sami's Memory Card Poem****************************************

Born June 20, 1990 tiny white kitten to mamma KoKo
matured into a handsome sealpoint Himalyan
littermate to Shadow and Blue Angel
Life friend to Sunshine and Sugar
"Uncle Sami" to Nova, Mystic and Zen

Sweet, serene feline support to Mama KoKo and siblings
Watchful as each Himalyan Family Member life spent
Comforting nuzzles, grooming and watchful presence
Strong bereavement, broken heart feline

Welcomed three Himalayan kittens,
joyous excitement, happy anticipation
Parental guiding presence,special bond with Zen
Confident perched in life like tree, batting chirping bird
Nighttime search for kitten food, snuggling catnaps

Athletic at play, high jumps and summersauts
Favored Da'Bird, feline laser madness
Jumbo tennis ball, kitty golf putter
Catnip chosen antidote for pleasure
eating, romping, rolling, frolicking delight

Celebrator of Holidays
Halloween Kat in Window, Thanksgving Turkey delight
Fun Feline Birthdays, Katmas Claus
Many good memories, photos to share

Nineteen years, 3 months, 3 days of precious life
Chronic pancreatitis, largyneal paralysis, asthma, graceful aging
Extended paw greetings, comforting purrs
No longer held in my arms, Forever held in my heart.
Thank you Sami Clovis KitKat, Sweet Special Feline

Your memory card is finished, it's time to honor you and the special feline you are.

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I ordered your stamp, you made such a beutiful feline stamp.

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It's been a month........miss you so very much. As much as I love the kittens and they
bring much delight, there's such a feline emptiness now that you are gone, it's hard to
walk by the fireplace mantel and see you on the mantel along with Sunshine, Shadow, KoKo,
and Sunshine. You weren't suppose to be there just yet. I miss you so much..
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Sami today was Halloween. I created a haunted porch and yard....lots of children came
begging for candy. You would have enjoyed them so very much. I turned on the light and
looked at the top of the stairs...Nova, Mystic and Zen were quietly watching as the costumed creatures came to the door with hesitation and searching for candy. Last year the kittens were not interested in Halloween at all. You laid at the bottom of the stairs and watched as each child came trick or treating. I was worried the kids would stress you, almost didn't give out candy, then was so amazed at your enjoyment. Tonight there were so many kids, cute costumes. I wish you could have been on the stairs with Nova, Mystic and Zen. *Tears* I miss you!!!!

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June 20, 2012...........You almost made it to your 20th birthday....remembering and missing you so
very much today on your 20th.....Zen still visits your "closet" at times. Love you and miss you so very much.
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September 23, 2012..........It's been a year Sami since your death. I've often thought about you over the past year, recalling memories of you sleeping in the closet, your precious greeting of tiny Zen, your energetic exploration of a new home at 19 years of age....you were such a sweet and loving cat. I miss you so very much. This morning as Zen snuggled, I talked to him about "Uncle Sami" as Zen loved you so very much and was so very sad when you died....he snuggled his head under my neck and purred as I talked about Zen and Sami memories. I carry your pawprint in my pocket, I hold you in my heart. Love and Miss you Sami and "Uncle Sami." The crematory sent a remembrance card......how sweet! Katmom

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September 23, 2013.........Sami, it's was almost this time 2 years ago I let you go.....such a sad day, my heart still breaks. I miss you and your Himmie family so very much. When I talked to your best kitten friend Zen about you yesterday, he listened intently. You were the best Uncle Sami to Zen. You loved moving into our house.....so many times I feel sad you were not here longer to enjoy your home. I think about you often and still carry your pawprint in my pocket!!!! You would love Halloween this year. I'm building a crypt and have so many spooky decorations, you would be so excited to sit at the top of the stairs to watch the costume children come through spooky yard to get their candy and take a peek at you. I miss you so much, I held you in my arms for 19 years now I hug you in my heart while missing you in my soul. Love you Sam man!!!!! Love you forever.

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September 23, 2014.........Sami, it's been 3 years since you absence began.....Zen spent time sleeping in your closet today......he loved you so much. I told him Sami Memories......you favorite holiday Halloween will be soon, I'll miss you sitting by and watching the children come for candy...I plan to put a memorial to you in this year's decorations. I miss you so very much, wish I could hold you in my arms, forever in my heart.
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September 23, 2015............4 years ago today, how time is slipping by, miss you so very much, wish you could be here. Engraved your name on the Halloween Mausoleum for last Halloween in your memory and your enjoyment of children trick or treating. Wish you were still here, miss you much.
Love and holding you in my heart.
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Please also visit Blue Angel KitKat, Koko Macadamia KitKat, Shadow Baby KitKat, Sugar, Sunshine and Tiger.