A Farewell Letter To My Best Friend

It has been five weeks now since I said goodbye to you one last time at the vet's office. Even though you looked finally at peace on that cold steel table, I still had a terrible time leaving you there. I just wanted to hold on to you and never let you go in the hope that by some miracle you would wake up and be alright once again, as if it was all some horrible dream. But although it has been five weeks, my sadness and grief have not diminished in the least. It's as if time is standing still and I can't get out of this pit of despair I am in because I have lost my best friend in the world.
I dread coming home after work because I know you won't be there to greet me the way you used to do. Jumping up and down so glad to see me. That always filled my heart with such joy and happiness. You loved me unconditionally and I loved you the same way. I am far from a perfect human, but that didn't matter to you. You loved me no matter what because you were so pure of heart.
I miss so many things about you. I miss the nights when it was thundering outside and you would want to get in bed with me because you were frightened. There wasn't much sleep happening during those nights because of your panting and anxious pacing back and forth on the bed. But that was okay. I was glad to do it because I know it comforted you and calmed your nerves. And that made me feel good that I could give you that peace of mind that you needed.
I miss the way you would somehow know when it was 7:00 P.M. and you were allowed your one teaspoon of vanilla ice cream that the vet said you could have at night. It made you so excited. I swear I was beginning to think you could actually tell time by the uncanny way that you knew when the moment had arrived.
I miss the way you would walk around outside totally ignoring the yapping pair of pugs next door and go about your business as if they weren't even there. I think they were jealous because they were fenced up and I let you walk around free without a leash and collar. I never liked putting those on you even when we had to go to the vet. I always wanted you to feel free.
I miss our once a week trip to Wendy's when you would get your chicken nuggets treat that you so loved. You would jump up and down with excitement and run out to the car like a flash. You would bark almost the whole way there until the attendant at the window finally gave us our food. You were so cute and adorable then.
And finally I miss you lying on the floor next to me at night while I watched TV, patiently waiting until it was time to go to bed. That was because you were so loyal and giving in your love and attention. You were always at my side.
Sammy, you were my main companion for the last year and a half. We were like two old bachelors living together day to day and enjoying each others company. You were truly the inspiration for the saying "Who rescued who". Even though we got you from a local Yorkie Rescue Society, you really rescued me from a life of mediocrity and loneliness. You taught me how to live and love again and care about something other than the mundane trivial problems of daily life.
I loved you more than just about anything else in my life. I miss you terribly. Your absence has left such a void in my life. Our house is so empty now. The memories of you are everywhere. From the spot in the backyard where you used to love to sniff and mark, to all the areas in the house you use to inhabit. You used to love to sleep on a towel on the floor in my bedroom closet. I still can't bring myself to remove that towel in case your spirit wants to rest there at night when I sleep.
I knew your time was drawing near the last few weeks of your life when I had to start carrying you in and out of the house so you could go potty. You were having such a hard time moving and I didn't want you to feel burdened in any way. I didn't mind doing it and I would have continued that exercise forever if I could have kept you around a little longer.
But it wasn't meant to be. You had a stroke on Saturday morning, September 21st. I had such a sad sense of foreboding when I took you to the Emergency Veterinarian that morning. Your advanced age of 15-1/2 years and all the previous medical problems you had had recently were working against you. The vet said there wasn't anything he could do. So I made the incredibly difficult decision to let you go in peace. Even though I know it was the right thing to do, it still broke my heart like nothing else previous has in my life. I feel empty and hopeless most of the time and going to work and getting through daily life is such a struggle. But I know you would not want me to be sad forever. You loved me and cared for me too much for that. But I still grieve and I think a part of me always will.
People on the Pet Loss Support sites talk about the Rainbow Bridge. I never used to give much credence to it, but now I hope with all my heart that it does exist and is a real place. Because I can't imagine never being able to see and hold you once again.
So rest well now my best friend and know that you were and still are loved so much. I will keep your memory alive every day for the rest of my life. Until we meet again. Daddy misses you terribly. Goodbye my sweet boy.

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Merry Christmas Sammy. This is me and Mommy's first Christmas without you in a long while. It definitely doesn't seem the same. Even Brady seems to sense your absence. We miss the way you used to walk under the Christmas tree and scratch your back on the low hanging branches, occasionally knocking off a few ornaments. You were so cute. And the curious way you used to watch us unwrap presents, wondering what was going on. I received some nice gifts from Mommy this year, but I would gladly trade them all in just to hold you in my arms one more time. I know Mommy feels the same way. I hope you are having a nice time at the Rainbow Bridge my friend. Know that you are loved and missed so much. So long for now buddy. Love, Daddy.

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Hello Sammy my old friend. How has your time been at the Rainbow Bridge? Have you made any new friends? It's hard to believe it's been a whole year since that terribly sad day when I had to make the difficult decision to let you go. You were in a lot of pain and I knew you weren't happy, but it still broke my heart to say goodbye. I haven't completely gotten over it yet and I don't think I ever will.

I still look for you sometimes when I come home from work. Your smiling face and wagging tail so glad to see me. Those are priceless memories. The way you looked forward to your one teaspoon of vanilla ice cream at night. You loved that treat so much. And our occasional trip to Wendy's to get your chicken nuggets with you barking in anticipation all the way. I don't think I've been back there but a few times since last year. The thoughts of you are still too painful.

You were a good dog and a great friend. You make some of the lonely and difficult times I had a lot more bearable just because of your company. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad forever and I am doing my best to try and get over the pain, but it still lingers, especially when I am by myself. I'm sure in time the feeling of loss will subside. But the memory of you and the love you gave me never will.

So rest well my friend. And know that me and mommy miss you and love you so much.

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Merry Christmas Sammy. Another holiday has come without you here. It still doesn't seem the same, even after all this time. Probably never will. I miss your cute curious expressions when we open presents in the morning. You wondering what is going on and what all the fuss is about. But the best part was watching you prance around the kitchen when all the cooking was happening because you knew something good was coming. Me and Mommy and Brady miss you so much buddy. Don't forget about us. We will be together again one day. I love you Sammy. Rest well my friend. Bye for now.

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Hello Sammy. I know it's been a while since I have visited you here. Life gets busy sometimes. But I don't want you to think that I have forgotten you. There isn't a day goes by that I don't feel a bit of sadness because you are gone. I pray every night that we will meet again one day. I still miss you terribly and will love you forever. Me and Mommy talk about you all the time. You enriched our lives so much. I know that even Brady misses you as well. I will say goodbye for now old friend. I hope you are at peace where you are. Until next time, remember Daddy loves you