I came in to feed everyone tonight and found you on the floor; you were gone. I stood there paralyzed until your brother Skylar tapped on my leg. He seemed so confused--I had to sit down with him and hold him while petting you at the same time. He is blind, as you know, so I am not sure how he was handling this, or if he had watched you pass. I had to hold back from breaking down, as I did not want to upset him further; it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am barely able to type this through the tears, as the pain is all being released now.

I can only hope you went quickly and without pain or fear, but will never know. I can only guess it was your heart, as there was fluid from your mouth. The only blessing is that I have always asked God that when it is time for any of you to go, that he takes you in your sleep so you don't have to suffer from the stress of strangers, hospitals, and treatments. So I guess the way he took you today was the next best thing. Since it is the night before Thanksgiving, for that I must be grateful.

Since you were such a big boy, and Skylar is in that suite, I did not attempt to move you alone; I just didn't think I could bear it. Dr. Jarvis is on her way to help me get you ready to go to the crematory, and your remains will be put next to your mom, Ellie, at home.

I can't type much more now, as I just can't continue through the tears, but will be back later to write your story. I love you baby and I'm so sorry you had to go, but hope you are playing with your mom now. Love and light baby boy. XOX

11/27/13: My sweet baby boy, Slater. You left today for Rainbows Bridge. Unexpected and without warning. Over the past few hours, I struggled with the 'why' of it, and finally realized we were both very fortunate-you for not having to go through any stress, treatments, or hospitals, and me for not having to watch you go through a slow or painful passing, or having the decision be mine to have to euthanize you, as that is something that has always troubled me.

As I said earlier, I've always asked God to take you guys peacefully in your sleep when it was your time, so I have to believe this was a very close answer to my prayers. Although I'll never know if you suffered or struggled at all, and that is killing me, I have to remember that your passing could have been preceded by a long, drawn-out illness, and I am grateful it was not.

Just like many of your buddies, you started your life at the farm--you were the first litter of kittens that Ellie had. As I look back and remember that you had some health issues even as a young boy, I realize I was blessed to have you for 13 years. You were funny, tough, sweet, and cunning, all at the same time, with the biggest, brightest eyes ever--they were almost human. You then came to my new home almost 8 years ago, and I'm hoping you had a good life here, with your run-out pens, kitty poles and beds, and even your own radio and television. My goal was to always make all of you feel safe, secure, and loved, and I hope you always did.

You were one of the many of our crew who were too feral and fearful of people to have anyone come near you except for me. Over the past year, you needed some penicillin for your tooth and did so good when our vet came to help you. Of course, the first time you were not happy, but you really did well considering your past and I was so proud of you and hope you know that.

It was so tough tonight when I went to get the dishes ready for dinner, as of course, I set yours out on the counter next to Skylar's. I stopped, put it away, and started to cry. It seems like just yesterday that your mom left also and I felt so empty. But I saw the other dishes sitting there and realized the others still need me, so I had to keep going. Skylar didn't want to eat at first---it broke my heart. I've been checking him every hour and he is certainly feeling your loss. Please be there with him in spirit to help him get through this. Even though you would kick him out of your favorite bed, he really loved you a lot, and it's already so obvious he's depressed. Please be with him baby.

We had so many memories from the farm and here, and I will never forget you. Please take care of your mom as I've asked her to do with you as well. May you be healthy and youthful again. I love and miss you. Love and light to you baby boy. XOX

Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven.
Would it be the same, if I saw you in Heaven.
I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven.

Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in Heaven.
I'll find my way, through night and day, 'cause I know I just can't stay here in Heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,,,begging please

Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in Heaven

Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
Would it be the same, if I saw you in Heaven
I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven

'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,

12/11/13: Hi baby boy,,,two weeks since you went to the bridge. I miss seeing your big, expressive eyes every morning, but I know you had to go; you were on loan from God and he wanted you back. Skylar is so lost without you. I let him walk around the next pen as usual, and he gets kisses from Jettie while in there, so I thought maybe letting Jettie come into his pen would make him feel less lonely. Not so much--even though he's blind, he bit out at Jettie and hissed at him, something I've never heard him do. Apparently, his pen is off-limits to anyone but you. Maybe it is just too soon, or maybe he will never be comfortable with any other cat in your guys' pen, but he cries and seems so lonely, I was just hoping it would help him. So please comfort him and somehow let him know he's okay and that you are still with him; he really needs you. I lie with him in the pen often, but it doesn't seem to take the place of you.

I hope you are with your mom, and that maybe you've even seen your human grandpa from the farm. I love and miss you so much, and hope you are at peace and pain free. Love and light baby boy. XOX

12/25/13: Merry Christmas baby boy,,,I hope you are with your mom Ellie and that you also have been visiting Skylar to comfort him. If so, I hope you saw that there was a Christmas stocking hung for you, but it is a different type with a decoration on it, and Ellie has the same kind. It was very sad not having you both there in the group for Christmas, but I know in my heart you must have been suffering and that's why God took you back. I only want the best for all you guys, even if that means I have to feel sadness and grief over your passing, to know you are once again free from pain or illness.
I love you so much and always will, and I cherish the years we had together. Love and light baby boy. XOX

2/13/14: Hi baby boy. I wanted you to know that one of your barn mates, Comet, went to the bridge on 2/11/14. I hope you and your mom Ellie were able to meet him there. He will be lonely, as he was very close with his sister Lucky, just like you were with Skylar, so please comfort him if you can. I just was starting to cope with your passing, and then Comet had to go as well. But I realize I had you both for almost 14 years, and that is a lot of love and laughs to share. Miss and love you very much. Love and light baby. XOX

11/26/14: Hi baby boy,,,technically tomorrow will be one year you have been gone, but you passed the day before Thanksgiving, so for me, today is one year. As I'm sure you know, there have been a lot of challenges going on here, and I could not bear the pain of visiting you, Ellie, and Comet's pages as often as I wanted. But as you know, I spoke to you guys almost every day. As you also must know, your brother Skylar still to this day cries out for you, and I know you have been here many times to comfort him. Please come to him tonight if you can---his blindness makes him even more lonely I think. I can only have faith God will get us through all this and keep us all together. As I tell all the group---"you are my heart"---know that you will always be a part of that as well, regardless of whether I can see you or not. I love and miss you buddy,,,,Love and Light baby boy XOX

11/26/15: Hi my sweet boy,,,,as above, you passed away the day before Thanksgiving, and today is that day,,,two years since you've been gone. It amazes me that at times, time can go so slow, yet at other times, like now, it seems to have flown by and it feels like just yesterday I was able to look into your big, beautiful, expressive eyes,,,,oh, how I miss that. And of course, Skylar misses you too,,,,,I'm sure you know that he still to this day cries out, and I know it's for you. He has health issues too besides his blindness, but for the most part he is doing okay, but I can tell he misses you terribly. Please visit him as often as you can. I want so badly to hug you and give you kisses on your head, and hope you feel them coming from my heart. I hope you're happy, healthy, and at peace where you are. I love and miss you baby boy,,,,,love and light XOX.

1/3/16: Hi baby boy,,,,Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I was unable to sign on at Christmastime---as I'm sure you know, there were a lot of bad things happening and it was not a good time. But as you know, your stocking was up and I was thinking about you and your mom and Comet at the Bridge.
As you may know, your half brother Jettie went to the bridge very early on new year's day. If you were busy playing, please find him, give him kitty kisses, and take care of him. I asked your mom Ellie to do the same. I love and miss all of you so much, and feel you every day. Thank you for watching over me. Love and light baby boy,,,,XOX

11/27/16: Hi baby boy. Today it has been 3 years since you went to the bridge,,,,my God it still feels like yesterday. As you know, Skylar has never fully recovered from losing you---he still to this day howls for you. I hope at those times when you are not busy playing in the field, that you come and purr near him to comfort him. I try to do that by his ear in hopes it soothes him, which most of the time it seems to help him, but nothing can replace him feeling you are there. He so loves you and misses you.
I put up a Christmas stocking for you on your page (I never knew they had one here until now, and had to remove your angel statue to do it, but was able to add another angel on the right side), and of course will put up your stocking in your room. As you know, I am struggling to keep us all together, and it does not look hopeful, but I keep praying every day. Please send whatever kitty angel blessings you are able to, as you know how much you all mean to me and my life would mean nothing without all of you.

I am not sure if you have seen him yet, but your cousin Onyx also went to the bridge recently. He had become diabetic and the vet also felt he had CHF. I found him on the floor at dinnertime,,,it was horrible. Please go to him and guide him to your group,,,he is a very timid boy and could certainly use your comfort and guidance. You were always a leader and I know you would be good at that :)

I am not sure how grieving works, but it's been three years since I lost you and even right now I still feel your loss so strongly. Please know I love you with all my heart and am so grateful for the time you shared with me. Love and light baby boy,,,,XOX

11/23/17: Hi my baby boy,,,,sorry I haven't been out here lately. As you know, so many more of you guys passed away and I just couldn't bare coming to each page and reliving the grief. But during that time, I also realized the odd human nature of remembering the end and the bad things more than the many years of life and happy times. Not sure why humans do this, but I'm doing my best not to let it continue to happen. Well, since it's Thanksgiving day today, of course my heart went to you first, as the year you passed it was the day before Thanksgiving. I cannot believe it's been four years since you left---time is a very strange thing---it can feel like an eternity or a minute. I miss you so much, and of course you know your brother Skylar misses you terribly--still to this day he cries out for you, several times a day,,,it breaks my heart. But he is a trooper just like you were, even with all the issues he deals with every day. I hope you come visit him and comfort him when you can. Although Thanksgiving has not been happy for me for years, I am always thankful for all the love and laughs you and the others have given me all the years of your lives. I miss you baby boy and will love you always,,,Love and Light,,XOX

12/25/17: Merry Christmas baby boy,,,I just wanted you to know that a candle has been lit for all of you in your resting place to honor your lives and that your spirit lives on. I love and miss you every day,,,,Love and Light my baby boy,,,,XOX

1/1/18: Hi Slater,,,my sweet boy,,,today is New Year's Day and I came on to write on Jettie's page, as today is the day he passed two years ago. But I wanted to visit you and let you know how much I miss you every day, and that no matter how it happens, or how long goes by, the pain of your loss is still there with a hole in my heart that will never mend. But I am learning more and more to focus on all the love and happiness you gave me for so many years, instead of remembering the sad day of loss, as it is your life that deserves the attention and honor, not your passing. I hope you can feel the big hug and kiss I'm sending you,,,I'll love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light sweet baby boy,,,XOX

5/27/18: Hi my big baby boy,,,,today is one year since Precious left and I came on to write for her anniversary and wanted to say hello to you and everyone. Oh how I miss your human eyes my big bear! You were such a toughie but had such a sweet heart underneath all that. As you know, your brother Skylar has been fighting a lot of health issues, so please come to him and comfort him, as he still walks around crying out for you even after all this time. Boy how he misses you! I hope you are happy and well, and please know you will always be in my heart. Love and Light baby boy,,,,XOX

9/29/18: Hi guys,,,,I came out just to say hello to all of you, as I feel you so much in the sunroom lately, and Precious--I feel you in Thomas' eyes every time he looks at me. I miss you all SO much,,,,every one of you had something so unique,,, and I remember everything we shared together and how you made me feel so lucky to be able to care for you. Please be with me now, as I'm sure you know I am fighting for the rest of us here and our home, and I need all the love and strength you can send. Always know how much you all mean to me, and how much I love and miss you every single day. Tears flow, but through them I try to smile by remembering all the good years of love and laughs and fun. All of you will forever be in my heart. Love and Light babies,,,,XOX

11/27/18: Hi my big, beautiful boy. Today is 5 years since you left, and I still cannot believe it. As I'm sure you know, I just lost Thomas last month and it's so unreal how five years have gone by, yet I still see you in your pen with Skylar just as clearly as I see Thomas everywhere. Oh how I miss your SO big, beautiful eyes and your perfectly round face :) I truly hope you know how much you were loved, and that someday we may all see each other again. I hope you are with your brother Skylar and have helped him transition, as he just went to the bridge a few months ago. And I hope you're happy with him like you were when you guys were here together. And always make sure to let your mom Ellie know how much you love her. It is soooo hard losing each and every one of you, because all of you had special qualities that just took my heart,,,,you, my baby, with your beautiful eyes and tough little attitude,,,,I miss you so much Slater. Hugs, kisses, Love and Light baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOX

12/25/18: Hi baby,,,,it's Christmas and I'm missing you and all the others who have passed. As you know, except for my brief visit with my sister every Christmas, since my mother passed all I've had are you guys to cheer me up and get me through. I hope you know I still love you so much and always, always will. Merry Christmas Slater,,,,Kisses, hugs,,,,Love and Light,,,XOXOXOX

1/26/19: Hi baby boy,,,,I'm sorry I didn't come out on New Years,,,I was so depressed and sad I just couldn't bear visiting everyone. I hope you heard me tell you Happy New Year and how much I love and miss you. Love and Light sweetie,,,,XOXOX

11/27/19: Hi my sweet boy,,,,today is the anniversary of when you left,,six years ago,,it doesn't seem real that all that time has passed, as I still feel such a loss every time I look and you're not there.
I so miss your big, beautiful, expressive eyes and your gorgeous gray fur. I hope you are healthy and running and playing with your brother Skylar and your half brother Jettie and your mom Ellie. I miss you all so much,,,,

I also want to say I'm sorry for not visiting your page for a while,,,I've been so sad and depressed from losing so many of you, and with my own personal struggles with the house and my health. But please never, ever doubt how much I love and miss you, and please know you will always, always be in my heart. Love and Light my baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXXXX

1/1/2020: Hi baby boy, and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I couldn't come out here for Christmas---I've been very, very sick the past 3 weeks---but as you know, you all had your stockings up and your Christmas lights hung. I can't tell you in words how much I miss you,,,,but my heart bleeds. I love you so much my sweet baby boy,,,,,Love and Light,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

11/27/20: Oh my big baby boy,,,today it has been 7 years since you left--I had to check the year as I couldn't believe it's been so long, because I still see you so clearly, and sometimes get visions of you when I'm feeding the others. I miss you so much and only hope you are whole and well again, and with your brother Skylar, your half brother Jettie, and your mom Ellie. And I'm sorry I haven't been out here much this year,,,,it's been a very bad year with a pandemic and a lot of stress and health issues for me. Please forgive me.
Just as I was coming out to visit your page, memories of us at the farm came to me--one specific one where a few of the guys were running across the grass to the barn, and you tried to also, but in about 20 feet you stopped and lied down, and I ran over to you and you were panting. After getting you checked, the vet we had at that time said you had a heart murmur and possibly underlying heart issues, and that you would probably only live a few years. Well, thankfully he was wrong and you were with me for 13 years! At the time I felt that wasn't long enough, but I guess that's why this memory came to me, to remind me that it could've been much shorter. I am thankful for all the years you gave to me, and all the love, laughter, and smiles. I so miss your huge, expressive eyes, and yes, your big, fat belly :) I wish I could hug you right now and look into those eyes, and tell you how lucky I was to have you and how much I love you. I hope you feel you had a good life with me, and that you felt loved and safe.
Please know I will never forget you and will never, ever stop loving you. I miss you so much my big boy,,,,,,hugs, kisses, Love and Light,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

11/27/21: Hi my big baby boy,,,,as I wrote to the other guys, I'm sorry I haven't been out here, because of all the challenges with the pandemic and my being sick. But please know you were always in my thoughts. Today it has been 8 years since you left--I truly can't believe it's been that long, as they say time heals all wounds, but I disagree. As I told the others, I am no longer going to write any deep feelings on these pages,,so I hope you hear me when I talk to you. I so miss your big, beautiful eyes and your funny ways, and I hope you always feel how much I love and miss you. I was blessed to have you in my life, and am thankful for all the laughs and love you gave me. I miss you my big baby boy, and I will always love you,,,paw prints on my heart. Love and Light my sweetie,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

12/25/21: Merry Christmas baby,,,love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light my sweet boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

6/29/22: Hi my baby,,,,today your half sister Squiggy left for the bridge. I hope you and Skylar met her there, along with your mom and half brother Jettie. I love and miss you my baby, and always will,,,Love and Light sweetie,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

11/27/22: Hi my big boy,,,,today it has been 9 years since you left, and I can't believe it's been that long---I can still see your big, beautiful eyes staring into mine. I hope you still hear me when I walk by the memorials every day and talk to you and the others. I still miss you so much,,,,Love never dies, and you will always be in my heart and soul. Love and Light my big baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

1/1/23: Happy New Year my sweetie,,,,I'm so sorry I couldn't visit your page for Christmas,,,,it was just so painful, as all of you are gone now and it was my first Christmas alone without any of you, and I just couldn't handle it. I did put up lights and your stockings in the sunroom and house, and hope you visited and saw them. I miss you so, so much, and always will. In my heart, forever,,,,,Love and Light my boy,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

11/27/23: My big, beautiful boy,,,oh how I still miss you. It has been 10 years since you left, yet all the memories are still there, good and bad, flooding back. I hope you heard me talking to you this morning, and hope you hear me when I talk to all of you at the memorial. I so miss your beautiful, big expressive eyes. You were my big grey bear. I hope you like the tree I put in the sunroom for you guys, and the Memorial Tree in the house. You and all the others will always be in my heart--your paw prints are etched there. I love and miss you every day Slater and wish I could hold and kiss you again,,,,maybe someday. Love and Light my sweet baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

12/25/23: Merry Christmas my baby boy,,,Love and miss you,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

11/27/24: My beautiful bear,,,I cannot believe it has been 11 years since you left,,,,I was out back yesterday and standing in the pen area, and visualized you guys hanging out and oh, how I miss seeing you,,,my big bear with the most expressive eyes ever. I hope you heard me talking to you today and felt the kisses on your head. I miss you Slater,,,
I hope you can still feel and hear me, and still feel all the love I have for you. You will always and forever be in my heart, imprinted on my soul. Love and Light my big baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX

Please also visit Asia, Brinnie, China, Comet, Ellie, Gremlin, Jasper, Jettie, Linky, Lucky, Onyx, Polo, Precious, Rambo, Sasha, Skylar, Squiggy, Tasha and Thomas.