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02/27/23 - Happy Heavenly birthday, Stage! You would have been 18 today. These last 1.5 years have been so hard for me but I know you are up there with your Poopie Puppy, looking down on me. I love you and miss you so much! You're beautiful!!! 02/02/23 - I miss DaBoyz so much! 01/17/23 - 1 yr, 4 mos 12/17/22 - 2 yrs, 4 mos 10/17/22 - Missing DaBoyz so much! 09/16/22 - Well, it seems like I can't put it off any longer. My stomach is tied in knots and I've been crying all day. You left me a year ago today... Prior to bringing you home, I had always been a cat person. The abusive husband that I was living with at the time decided to let my declawed cats outside while I was at work one day. They were never to be seen again. There was a guy at work that had a Blue Heeler named Turbo. I admired that dog for years. After my cats "left" the house, I asked said abusive husband if I could get a Blue Heeler. As it turns out, a friend of our daughter's had a b**** that had just weaned a litter. I went over to see them and I instantly fell in love with you. I brought you home that very day - you were 7 weeks old. You followed me everywhere. And when I was sitting down to relax at the end of a hard day of work, cooking, cleaning and taking care of a household of seven, you would lay on the pillow I had across my lap, even when you really were too big. I was so thankful that said abusive husband didn't give me a problem with that. Probably because my chair was right next to his recliner and he knew that I would be sitting there because I didn't want to disturb you while you were sleeping. We lived on 7.5 acres in the middle of nowhere. When you weren't trying to chase the neighbor's cows out of our yard, you were exploring the woods. You used to run off and be gone for a couple hours. But one day, you scared me so bad. You ran off into the woods and you were gone for two days. I kept checking the animal control website. I kept calling all of the shelters but nobody had seen you. I feared the worst. And then you just showed up on the doorstep full of fleas and ticks, dirty, smelly. But all I can do was hold you and cry and tell you how much I loved you and I was glad that you were home. That was the last time you did that to me! Fast forward a few months and that's when we brought Poopie Puppy home. You loved to play tug of war because Poopie was smaller than you and you could sling him around the room. When he hit the 2 year mark and you could no longer fling him around the room because he was bigger than you, tug of war stopped and the fighting started. After, that's when your true docile nature shone through. You were always my beautiful submissive boy. Even though I know you were tired and you didn't feel well, you stayed by my side when Poopie Puppy went to Rainbow Bridge. You hung on for 13 months. We knew your time was getting close and I was going to call the vet, but God had other plans. The day started like any other with hugs and kisses. I moved you into the living room while I fixed everybody's breakfast. That day, you actually ate your breakfast, which should have been my first clue. Clue number 2 was when you stood in the hallway making that awful clicking noise that I didn't know what it was. My 3rd clue was when I carried you outside and your body went stiff. I thought you were fighting me. I scolded you for fighting me and then I realized what was going on. I brought you inside, you pottied on the carpet and all over me and then you were gone. I screamed and just sat there and rocked you and cried for about a half an hour. I moved you to the bed that used to sleep on under my desk at work. I stayed there and rocked you for another 2.5 hours, hoping and praying that you would wake up, until they came to get you. I picked up your ashes the very next day and my life has never been the same since. You and Poopie were my life. To this day, I still struggle on how to go on without you. So much happened in your 16.5 years. So many adventures, so much love... 09/08/22 - 51 wks - 143+++ 08/04/22 - 46 wks, my cuddle bug. 07/28/22 - 45 wks - 143+++ 07/21/22 - 44 weeks ago, you left us. Our lives are forever changed. Missing you so much! Love you! 07/14/22 - 43 wks - 143+++ 06/16/05 - It's been 39 wks (9 mos today) since you left us! Sometimes I still think it's not real. And then there are days like yesterday. Animal control had sent me a postcard letting me know that it was time to renew your rabies tag. I had to call them back and tell them that you left us last year. I was crying when talking to her. She said she was sorry. When I could talk and since I still had her on the phone, I asked them about your brother that left the year before you because I didn't want to get another postcard in the mail. She said that she noted in our records that you were both no longer with us... When is this pain ever going to end?!!! 06/09/22 - 38 wks - 143+++ 05/12/22 - 34 weeks, precious boy. Love you, miss you. EVERY day... 05/05/22 - 33 weeks, baby dog! It's heartbreaking to me knowing that we are going to go see your human brother but that you will not actually be with us. I cleaned the rest of yours and Poopie Puppy's fur out of the truck today...I love you and miss you so much! 04/28/22 - 32 wks - 143+ 04/07/22 - 29 weeks, beautiful angel. I love you now and furever 03/31/22 - 28 wks, Baby Dog. 03/24/22 - 27 wks!!! 143+ 3/16/22 - 26 weeks! 03/10/22 - 25 weeks... 03/03/22 - 24 weeks, baby dog... 02/27/22 - 02/24/22 - 23 wks!!! 143+ 02/17/22 - 22 weeks, sweet Stage... I miss you so much! I love you, Baby Dog! 02/10/22 - 21 weeks! How do I live without you? The answer is, I don't. I just exist. These last two years losing both of you has been devastating. My only comfort is knowing that neither of you are suffering anymore. I love you so much Stage! My beautiful baby dog. It gets harder and harder to write to you every week because I know people are tired of hearing it. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you 500 times. I kiss your cuddle clone that sits right next to Poopie's. I carry you both from room to room. I can hardly wait for the day that we are reunited at Rainbow Bridge. Until then, just play with Poopie Puppy. Take care of each other. Love each other. I love and miss you both so much!!! 2/03/22 - 20 wks!!! 143+ 01/27/22 - 19 weeks, Baby Dog! 1/20/22 - You went to Rainbow Bridge 18 weeks ago. My heart and our home will never be the same. I keep replaying the last few weeks that you were here in my head. All of the carrying you from room to room and the constant cleanup of your mess. The endless hours I spent trying to get you to eat so you could gain weight. Mommy lost her temper more than she likes to admit. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could take those harsh words out of my mouth and out of your ears. It's not an excuse, but I was just so exhausted, after just having to go through this with Poopie Puppy who left us 13 months before you did. I need you to know that there wasn't a minute of any day of your 16 and 1/2 years that I didn't love you. I would give anything to hold you and kiss your beautiful face again, to tell you I'm sorry that I raised my voice. I feel so awful! You deserved so much better. I'm still shocked at the way that you left me! I had no warning, no time to prepare. Nothing was amiss. You actually ate your breakfast and you didn't argue with me putting the mobility harness on so I could take you outside. I need the movie to stop!!! My beautiful baby dog, my Stage. I miss you so much. My soul is crushed... 01/13/22 - You left me 17 weeks ago! I love you so much, Baby Dog! I miss you more every day that you are not here with us... 01/06/22 - 16 weeks, Baby Dog!!! I really hope that you don't mind me writing to you every week? I sometimes feel that if I quit writing to you you will think I forgot about you? Just know, sweet Stage, that I will NEVER forget you. I love and miss you so much! I hope you're enjoying being young & healthy again and that you and Poopie Puppy are playing! Bing Bing, Dobby and even little Murphy said to tell you hello... 12/30/31 - 15 weeks, Baby Tagers.
12/16/21 - 13 weeks, Baby Dog... 12/09/21 - My beautiful, baby dog. You left me 12 weeks ago. 12/02/21 - 11 weeks, Baby Dog... 11/25/21 - week 10 Baby Dog.... 11/18/21 - 9 weeks, Baby Dog! 11/11/21 - 8 weeks, Baby Dog! 11/04/21 - 7 weeks, Stage! 10/28/21 - 6 weeks... 10/21/21 - It's almost 4:00 in morning and I can't sleep. I reached down and you weren't there. I walked from room to room, looking for you. I didn't see you. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. After all, it's been 5 weeks. I miss you so much Baby Dog!!! Did I do enough? Say enough? There are so many things I still wanted to say, still wanted to do. Did you know you ARE loved? Do you still hate me? You haven't sent me any signs... 10/14/21 - 4 wks ago, you left my side. I miss you more today than yesterday. You were my rock! I pray you and Poop are up there playing like you used to. I love you baby dog!!! 10/07/21 - 3 weeks, Baby Dog! How is this possible? Sometimes it seems like 3 years. My heart is so wrecked. Just when I think I can't cry anymore, the river just flows and flows. I'm at the point now where I'm asking myself what else could I have done? When I brought you home 16 and 1/2 years ago, I never even gave "that" day a second thought. I just knew that you were going to live forever. I miss everything about you. You are my baby, you used to lay on my lap. I could go on and on and on. The good memories are here I just can't focus on them yet. Thank you so much for being my baby for so long, always being loyal, always just being there for me. I will never be able to repay you. Love you, miss you, my little Stagey Pagey! 09/30/21 - 2 weeks, Baby Dog!!! 09/23/21 - It's only been 1 week today since you left my side, sweet baby dog. It seems like an eternity! I still can't believe you're gone! I love you and miss you more than words can say. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that you're no longer suffering. God made the decision that I could not. I will never get over you - 16 and 1/2 years of pure love was not enough!!! Rest easy my beautiful Stage... 09/16/21 - We knew this day was coming, you and I. I just wasn't expecting it to be all so sudden and so final so quickly. I just need you to know, baby dog, that I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. From 7 weeks to 16 years 7 months, you were my boy. You never really got over the death of your buddy, Poopie Puppy. Your health declined rapidly over the last few months. I hope you and Poopie Puppy are up in Heaven, with restored health and vitality, going for those walks that you both so deeply loved. I will once pick up dog beds and dog bowls and wash fold and put away the pads that you will no longer be using. It will be excruciating but I all I can think of is, that you are finally out of pain and no longer in the hell that you were living in. I know that you were holding on just for me because we were both still grieving. You did it as long as you could, baby dog. I thank you for that. I called the vet on Monday to make your arrangements but your body had other plans. Although I'm not happy with the way things went down, at least you were in my arms when you went to Heaven. I held you, rocked you and stroked your beautiful fur for 3 hours before they came to get you. Although you were not the talker like Poopie was, your presence is still going to leave a void in my life. Always my submissive, tolerant boy. Until we meet again, sweet boy, I love you and I miss you more than you will ever know... Please also visit Poopie Puppy (aka Blade). |
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