Stymey was the light of my life. I had him since he was 8 weeks old and he lived to be 16 years and 6 months but it wasn't nearly long enough for me. The world is gloomy, cruel, sad and lonely without my precious little "monkey" dog. He was my soul connection. He was the sweetest, silliest, hungriest, most patient and tolerant and best dressed little baby. As long as he was with his family he was happy and content. He would follow me wherever he could even if it was a danger to himself. Our house feels so empty without him and I can't remember how my life was prior to having him. Nothing feels right and a part of me died with him. |
He loved looking at Christmas lights and every year we took him to see light displays. He went on vacations with us, got spoiled with treats, clothes, blankets, and fancy name tags and collars. He won costume contests, even a best name contest and was in a doggie clothing catalog. He did a lot of long hikes with us in the 5 mile range including up to 8 miles with us on one trek. He slowed down in the last 2 years but could keep up on a 3 mile hike. Over one year he completed all 40 miles of trails with us at a local forest. He was allowed to join us on a retired battleship (dressed as a pirate). He had so many adventures with us and was always a little trooper and happy to be with us.
Food, Stymey loved food and would gorge himself on it if we would allow him to. When he started to not eat anymore in what would be his last few days, we feared the worst but I still was not prepared and thought he would recover. His favorite foods were under cooked steak, hot dogs, Peruvian chicken, ice cream, cake, Party Time cat treats and cheese. Though he would eat almost anything, except carrots and lettuce. You had to watch him around your food because he was fast to steal food off of your plate.
He also loved a pile of hot clothes from the dryer to snuggle up in and basking in any sliver of sunlight coming in the windows. When I came across a heated pet bed, I had to get it for him. I wish he had more time to enjoy that bed.
Every year he had a birthday party and we took him for a photo with Santa. He was the most human like dog there are was. Everyone who met him seemed to be in awe of how cute and sweet he was.
He made friends and followers on Facebook. People who never met him in person enjoyed his hikes, adventures and seeing him gobble down ice cream.
I regret not realizing how bad off he had become because he always tried to keep up with us. He was so healthy for so long that I didn't realize how bad his heart failure was becoming. I wish the vets would have given me more options for treatment or recommended taking him to a cardiologist, not just putting him on medication and wait for medicines to stop being effective for him.
I wish I could rewind time so we could get to relive his last few weeks and indulge him with everything he could have possibly wanted. We didn't know how little time we had left and kept living our daily lives of going to work and doing errands. I hate that I lost those precious moments with him and that we will never have time with him again.
My husband and I love him so very much today and forever. There is a void left by Stymey that will never be filled. Everything we do we will always be missing him and wishing he was there with us. I'm sure when we're in our elderly years we'll still be talking about him and missing him as badly as we do today.
We love you little baby and I hope you know we never wanted to let you go. We really tried to not even think about it because even the thought of it would get us upset. I hope you can see us and aren't in the misery you used to be in when you used to howl when we would leave you for hours or a couple days. I always said that feeling was from your soul and that one day I would feel that same agony except that you wouldn't be coming back home to us. We've made memorials for you and all of your pictures are around our home where you will always be a part of. Your daddy sure wanted to spend the upcoming summer cooking for you on the grill and I would have been planning your 17th birthday party for you soon. We'll do something in your honor for your birthday every year while we cry that you're not here to eat your cake and ice cream and open presents.
2/1/21- It's been 12 sad and lonely days without you Stymey but I still talk to you and call for you. I hope you're not scared and lonely and that Spirit welcomed you so you can at least have your sister with you. I hope you found your grandmom and that she's with you too. I cant take the thought of you being all alone and scared. Mommy and daddy wish you were here with us. You gave us so much love, smiles, laughs and hugs. You sure were the best hugger in the world. Nothing will ever be as great as a Stymey hug. I sleep hugging your Minka now and wishing she was you. I'll take good care of her for you, she has one of your collars and charms on now so she has a piece of you attached to her. We will love you forever and I really want to see you again. Please come for me when it's my time to leave this earth and I will run to you with the speed you used to tear through the house. Lots of love and billions of kisses to you monkey bean.
2/10/21- 3 weeks ago we were spending your final hours with us. It feels like you've been gone for an eternity already. Everyday has felt so long without you being here. 16 years flew by with you and now everyday drags. I still hope to see or hear you around the house but I haven't so I don't know if we will ever be together in the afterlife. Misty has been laying in your crate and I wonder if she misses you too. You were so very special to everyone who met you. You will always be in my heart and I will miss you every moment of everyday. Sending so much love to wrap you up in, I hope you can feel it.
2/14/21- Happy Valentine's day Stymey! Sending extra love, kisses and snuggles to you. Wish you were here to open presents, treats, eat some cupcake and some of Daddy's half raw steak. Holidays will never be the same without spending them with you, you made every day and holidays more special.
2/19/21- day 30 without you Stymey. Mama will never forget you or not miss you. I hope you're ok and not scared and lonely. I hope you are hanging out at home with us and know we are right where we last were with you and love and miss you as much as the day we were forced to say goodbye to you.
2/22/21- Hi little baby, I was sitting in our favorite chair today and found 2 chewies you had saved in there. Made me smile to find them but then cry because you had so many chewies and treats left that you didn't get the time to enjoy. I had a dream of you this morning that you were sleeping next to me. I hope that you really were and that you were visiting me this morning. We love and miss you and hope you are hanging out at home with us.
3/3/21- Hi sweet Stymey, this time 6 weeks ago, I still didn't know we would only have you for a few more hours. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize how sick you had become. You always bounced back and that was what I hoped what happen again. I never would have been ready for you to leave even if you had made it to 25 years old. I wanted you with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget you and think I will cry for you everyday no matter how long I'm on this planet without you. You made me a better person and I hope I was good enough for you. We adopted a new pup,he can never replace you but he loves his mama like you did and keeps me from being so sad all the time. I hope if you see him that you're not jealous. You know I never would have brought home another pup if you were here. You were always more than enough to fill my heart with so much love. Mommy and daddy love and miss you and talk about and to you everyday. Tons & tons of kisses and hugs and all my love to you Stymey ❤️
3/17/21- Hi sweet baby, I tried writing to you last week but the submission didn't take. It's not that I forgot about you. I couldn't forget you if I tried. You were a part of me, the best part of me. I don't know if you connected with the pet communicator last weekend. She said she reached you and that you stay on my shoulder and that you are always with me and that you're at peace. I hope that was you and that we will see and be with each other one day. Zillions of kisses and hugs to you little baby.
3/24/21- Hi little bean, 9 weeks without you but also 9 weeks closer to hopefully reunite with you one day. I always knew I would never be ready to let you go. I know you stayed as long as you could and you fought everyday your last few weeks to act like you were ok. I wish I had been more observant to what was happening and that the vet had given us options. I hope you know we wanted to do all we could to give you more time with us and pamper you instead of making you keep to the routines. I am so very sorry for the ways I feel like I failed you. My love for you keeps growing and will never fade 💘
3/31/21- Hi Stymey angel. I cried so much last night while missing you. I had a dream overnight that I was standing in the dog aisle at Walmart and a baby in a cart said "I'm here". I wonder if that was you letting me know you are here with me or my brain trying to soothe myself. I hope it was you coming to me to let me know you're still with me after these 10 miserable weeks.I was sad to print pictures because there were no new pictures of you this time and there won't be ever again. I printed pictures of your memorials I had made just so I could add something of you to the photo album. I love you with all of my heart and hope you are here with me like I heard in my dream.
4/7/21- Stymey baby, another week without you. 11 weeks that feel more like 11 years. The years we were together flew by and I didn't grasp how age and your heart took a toll on you. I never allowed you to slow down and take it easy. I'm so sorry that I always kept you on the go. I hope you're getting all the rest you missed out on in life. I wish I could send you presents, foods, treats, and blankets and soft pillows. I wish I could still do nice things for you and spoil you as you always deserved. Sending you the only thing I can, all of my love and blowing zillions of kisses to you 😘💕🥩
4/13/21-My sweet Stymey Bean, tomorrow will be 12 weeks without you & my heart ripped to shreds. I worry about you & that we might never be together in an afterlife. I know you fought with all of your strength to stay with me. I wish I had fought more for you in the end. I was scared you would have died alone at the vet's or in the house while we were sleeping or working and that you would have been terrified and in extreme pain. I didn't want to lose you that way. I never wanted to lose you under any circumstances! I'd love to have another dream of you, I miss you so much. I wear your ashes in a heart locket everyday and kiss your urn and baggie of your fur before bed every night.But I hate that I cremated your beautiful tiny body. I wish I had planned better so I could have kept your little body in tact and be holding you in a solid form. Learning to survive without you and having so many regrets is the worse thing I've ever been through. I hate this world without you. I just want to be with you. All of my love forever, your mommy.
4/21/21- 13 wks since I last held and kissed you. The world is forever changed without you. I've been hoping for another dream of you every night. So many things remind me of you. I hope you can forgive me for the times I left you for days and went on vacation without you while you cried your little heart out missing me. I wish I could take all of those days back and spent them with you instead. I hope you enjoyed your life and had all you needed. I look at so many pictures of you smiling, you didn't ask for anything of me except wanting to be with me. I'll never forgive myself for times I yelled and not taking it easier on you. You were a little trooper til the very last day. I can't forgive myself and not feel like I failed you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I loved you and wanted to give you everything I could. I hope that was enough. You were an angel on earth. I love you so very much and always will 💕
4/28/21- Hi little baby, 14 weeks ago I still thought you would be ok. By 4 pm that day you were gone. I wish I could have done more for you and that you would have had more time at our new house. My life changed for the better the day I saw you in the pet store and changed for the worse 14 weeks ago. I believe you were an earth angel. You were with me through so much and you were the reason for me to keep going. I look for signs from you all the time and need to know you can see me and understand everything that happened during your life. But I don't know. Please know how loved and missed you are and give me signs if you can. Sending you
zillions of love and kisses ❤️😘
5/5/21- 15 wks have gone by and I don't know how I keep existing. You were supposed to still be alive for a few more years. I feel that you were cheated. You were so great and loving, the world needed you. Everyone people saw you they would saw "awww" and "look at that cute dog" and ask about you and want to touch you. You were always so nice about it and brought so many smiles to everyone. I just have your memories and pictures but not my sweet Stymey. I never stop thinking about you and hoping you're ok,understand everything and know how much you are still loved and adored and always will be. I really hope to be with you again one day, I hope our goodbye was not forever. Sending all my love to you at all times. I keep some of your ashes close to my heart with the thought that I'm keeping you attached to me and with me ❤️
5/12/21- 16 weeks that feel like an eternity. Last week I saw a red orb float up from the bed next to me and I think that might have been you visiting me while I was sleeping. If that was you, I hope your soul isn't restless and that you're at peace and you were laying with me for comfort and knowing you are always able to be at home with me. I can't believe I was lucky enough to have such a beautiful and sweet baby as you Stymey. I fell in love with you the instant I saw you and most of my heart died the moment you left my world. This week we're on our first RV trip without you but I brought your ashes and urn so you could still be here with us in some way. Nothing is the same without you.Love and miss you with all of my heart ❤️😘
5/19/21- Hi Stymey baby.17 weeks, 4 months and one week of living without you.I'm adapting but it still sucks and always will. Just nothing I can do to change it or have you back. Hope you forgive me for not treating you better at times. I hate life, never hated you. Because you were with me you got the brunt of my anger and misery which you never should have.I'll always love and miss you and hope we will be together again ❤️. All of mommy's love forever.
5/26/21- Hi little baby.18 wks. Where does the time go? Just like 16 and a half years went by in the blink of an eye. I wonder if you have energy and thoughts in another realm and if you are aware of what happened. I fear you're just dead and there is nothing left of you but my memories. If I could do anything to bring you back, I would and if the vet had given me any hope or chance that you would have survived a procedure, I would have done it to give you even a little more time with us. I feel like I gave up on you and I hate that. You deserved to have been fought for more. I just don't know if your weak, little body and enlarged heart would've survived any type of procedure because of all the things that were happening to you that I didn't understand at the time. Again, my fault and I'm so very sorry. I used to think I took great care of you but I blew it at the end. For what it's worth I always loved you from the moment I saw you and always will love you and hope we can be reunited one day sooner than later. I hold Minka every night as I go to sleep and she has one of your old colors and tag with your picture on it that I kiss every night. Sending you zillions of snuggles, kisses & all of my love 😘❤️
6/2/21- Hi sweetheart. 19 wks have passed and time is separating is more every day and I hate it. I try to look at it as time that is going to being me close to being with you someday but I don't know what happens after we die. I might not even be aware of you much less us be together again. We had so many years and memories but I think of all the times I neglected you and took you for granted. I remember how soft your fur was especially your cute little cheeks and how it felt to pat your little leg and how you would hug me. Always said your hugs were the best feeling in the world. Nothing else as amazing as a Stymey hug! I hope you know how much mommy loved your hugs and you. Sending all my love, hugs and kisses to you always & forever😘❤️
6/9/21- 20 weeks/ 5 months since you've been gone and it's not right that life goes on without you. I look at pictures of you everyday. Haven't had any dreams or any signs that could be from you lately and that makes me sadder and worry more about you. I don't like seeing your ashes because I shouldn't have had you cremated, you should have been preserved and intact even though your soul wouldn't be in your body. You still deserved to be seen & I could hold your body and that part of you would still be here with me. When I die, I want my ashes mixed with yours and have a tree planted with our ashes so at least our ashes will be together. That might be the only way for us to be connected again. I love you with all of my heart, soul and every fiber of my being. You were my soul connection and I'll always love and miss you ❤😭😘
6/16/21- 21 weeks. I miss you Stymey. Haven't had any dreams or signs from you lately. The last dream I had you were "screaming" in the darkness all alone.I was hoping to have a better dream or see another orb. I wish so much that I could see you, have a glimpse of you in the house. I hope you're not afraid to visit because of there's another dog in our house now, he won't hurt you but I know you feared all other dogs. In about 3 weeks you would have turned 17 years old. I wish we were planning your party for your 17th birthday. I truly expected you to live to be at least 18. I was so stupid to not know how bad your heart condition was. I wish a vet had recommended me to take you to a specialist and had warned me about how I was picking you up wrong the whole time after you were diagnosed! I didn't know until the day we had to let you go and I feel so bad for that. I hope I wasn't causing you pain or making your condition worse but I'm sure I was and I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you in any way. Sending all my love, kisses & snuggles to you, I hope you can feel them. Your love is always with me as I hope my love is always with you ❤
6/23/21- Hi baby bean. 22 lonely weeks without you. I saw a video of you from our trip to the ocean and you were going worminal. It was so cute and you looked happy. I hope you think that you had a good life with me. I did my best to keep you healthy and took you for the vet's whenever something seemed wrong. I thought I was already doing all I could to control your heart disease but I should have taken you to a specialist which I didn't even think of since the vet's said you were doing ok on your meds. I still worry about you and always will. You'll always be in my heart and never forgotten. All my love, kisses and hugs for you Stymey Doodle Noodle ❤️
6/30/21- 23 weeks without you Stymey. Almost a half a year without you. No dreams of you in over 3 months and your birthday is coming up. I miss getting you your own doggy cake and ice cream, having a party and getting presents for you. I hope you enjoyed those things as much as I loved doing them for you. You birthday will be a sad day for me this year and I'll be thinking of you so much. I wish you could make an appearance or give me a sign that you still exist. You had so much love, personality and brought so much joy to everyone who knew you and even strangers who saw you. Thank you for loving me so much even when I didn't deserve it & choosing me to be your mommy. You were my greatest gift and my biggest treasure. I'll always love you forever with all my heart 💝🎂❤
7/7/21- 24 weeks, 6 months gone and your birthday is 4 days away. Happy Heavenly Birthday! I love you and sending all my love to you today and everyday. I wish I could have given you at least one more birthday. I didn't expect you to be gone so soon. I remember how happy I was when I first saw you and we locked eyes and I had to take you home to be my baby. I had so much fun with you and I really hope you had fun too. I tried to make you happy, keep you warm & comfortable with all of your needs met and then some. Only thing I wasn't able to do was heal your heart and give you more years. I'm so sorry. I ordered a shirt with a Chihuahua in the sky and your name on it as a birthday present for us both. Another memorial for you so I can wear your name on me. The shirt says Best Friends Are Never Forgotten and I promise you never will be forgotten. So much of you is embedded in my heart and soul forever. I always said I wanted you to be the world's longest living Chihuahua and be at least 25 years old. Then I would have felt I did right by you and gave you my best & all I could. Sending early birthday kisses, snuggles and love to you 🎂❤️
7/11/21- Happy birthday Stymey! I'll be thinking of you all day long and wishing you were here having a party, eating chicken, cake and ice 🍨🎂. I hope you know how loved you were and are and I truly hope I never made you feel unwanted in my worst moments. I wish I could take back the times I took out my hatred of life and people on you and that I had understood when you didn't want to take the yucky tasting medicines. I forced them on you because I was trying to keep you alive.Mommy and Daddy love you so very much and would have done anything to have given you more years,months or weeks with us. But it never would have been long enough. Thank you for opening my heart, loving me much & giving me the bestest hugs in the world!!! ❤️🤗😘
7/14/21- 25 wks,half a year of you gone and it's crazy. We spent so many months, season changes and holidays together and it seemed limitless, now it's all final & I count time without you. So hard for me to grasp how your love, personality and soul are gone. I ask for you to visit me every night but for so many months I haven't had anything to give me a sign that you've been with me. If I knew that you're ok, not scared & lonely & that you understand and forgive me, I could try to find peace and anxiously wait to be reunited with you. I'm so scared that there's no afterlife and our time together is done forever. I'll always love you so very much and keep hoping for visits and signs from you. Please feel all of my love 💕😘
7/21/21- 26 weeks, time keeps going on. You didn't even have 3 weeks in 2021. Only 19 full days 😭. 2021 will always remind me of losing you right at the beginning of it. I base time and memories around you, when you were here and since you've been gone. I'd give anything to know you're ok and that I'll be with you again. Not knowing is the worst because I'm hoping we will be together again but I'm afraid that when we're dead we are just dead and then I won't even have memories of you just like you may not be in another realm and remember me. I love you so, so much and always will. Sending all my love, kisses & hugs to you baby boy ❤️😘.
7/28/21- Hi little bean. Daddy was looking at pictures of you from our visits to the Apple Harvest festival. It's going to be so sad going there without you. You always posed so cute for your pictures with the fall decorations and we always got selfies with you there. You would eat so much food- burger, hot dog, ice cream and funnel cake, and be crashed out on the ride home. You always seemed to have fun and loved going places with us. We miss having you with us, you made everything much more fun. We talk about you every day and will always remember all the places we took you and wish you were still going to then with us. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you ❤️😘🤗
7/28/21- Hi little pup. I see momma is still writing on here to you almost every day. That's good, we both miss you a lot. It's the end of July, so hot, but I know you'd be doing fine in the heat. Probably still walking miles without drinking anything, like you did. Feels like fall will be here tomorrow. Looking forward to Apple Harvest Festival and our other fun fall activities, of course it won't be the same without you. It's nice to see your pictures on here. They don't come up on my phone as often as they used to. Well, I see this thing says you are only allowed to have like 5,700 more words in here. Don't want to waste them. We miss you forever. - Daddy 😭❤️
8/4/21-28 weeks of missing you. Seems like an eternity but I remember you like it was yesterday.I'll spend the rest of my life loving and missing you. I hope death doesn't disappoint me as life has and that I'll get to be with you then. I miss those awesome Stymey hugs that told me how much you loved me. It was the best feeling in the world!!! Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you ❤️
8/11/21- 29 wks ago I had to say goodbye to you. A day I had been dreading for so many years. I guess I should feel good that I spent 16 years and 4 months with you but it was not nearly enough time. I live with a Stymey shaped hole in my heart and soul now. I wish I could have given you pieces of mt heart to heal your heart. I'm sorry I didn't realize that you were in pain. You were so strong and brave and kept trying to hold on for me. Everything about you was amazing and you made me a better person by showing such love. You are a legend Stymey and will live in my heart and memories as long as I breathe. All my love,kisses and hugs to you my baby 💞
8/18/21- 30 wks, too much time without you Stymey. There was a bad storm last night and I was thinking of how scared you used to be. Your storm jacket helped you so much. I hope wherever your soul is that you don't have fear since I can't be there to comfort you. I worry about you as much as ever. I wish I could've saved you.I always knew I'd have to be without you someday but never wanted that day to come. You were always so brave and happy that I expected to know when age took its toll on you. Love & miss you always my little baby 💞😘
8/25/21- 31 wks since you've been gone. I regret all the moments I didn't spend with you. Wasted time for crap that didn't matter that I should have spent with you. I'd give anything to have that time back and spend it with you. You missed me so much and would cry from the depths of your soul now I feel that pain daily as I knew I would. We did do alot of fun stuff together so I am grateful for every one of those days. Those were the very best moments of my life.Sending you all of my love,kisses & hugs, I hope they reach you sweet baby 💞😘
9/1/21- 32 weeks of missing you. This time last year we were in VA beach on vacation with you. I'm so glad we started taking you on vacations with us. Wish I had started that years sooner instead of leaving you home all the time. I know you used to get so upset but it didnt stop from going 😭. How I regret every vacation and nights out without you, I should have been home with you. I treasure the times I spent with you, I was your whole world but didn't realize it.You will always be my whole heart. All my love, kisses & hugs for you ❤
9/8/21- 33 weeks without you Stymey 😭. I'm adapting but I don't like it. Rambo occupies me and gives me love and distraction from always grieving over you. He needed me and I needed him. I lost you and he may have lost someone he loved. Life will never be the same. You were the perfect soul connection I needed and you saw me thought so many sad times but at least I had you. You helped me so much. I loved spoiling you,taking you places, buying you clothes, blankets, beds and treats. I'm sure you would have appreciated more junk food, sorry I didn't give you more of all the human junk foods you always loved to eat.I never felt alone when you were here and no matter where we went, if you were with me, I wasn't alone. I had THE BEST company that anyone could have dreamed of- you ♥️. Thank you for giving my so much happiness and teaching me to be a better person. Even though you're not here now, I'm still learning from your sweetness, patience, tolerance and unwaivering love and loyalty. I hope you visit us at home and sleep in bed with us still. I have to believe your spirit is around me so I don't feel so alone. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you today and everyday. I love you so very much and always will😘
9/15/21- 34 weeks of missing you. I still remember the feel of your fur, the tiny bump on your head, your little head and feet's, your little white "seam" on your chest, your scent of Fritos and how toasty and warm you would be with the heating pad in your blanket. I hope I never forget those things about you. I was always touching your velvety soft cheeks. No matter how long it will be, I'll always love and miss you. You were such a shining light of love and purity on this dark hateful earth. Everything feels worse without you here. All my love, kisses and hugs for you Stymey Doodle ♥️
9/22/21- 35 weeks missing you. I remember when I first saw you in September 2004 at the pet store. We locked eyes and I instantly fell in love with you and was not leaving without you. I always knew losing you would be the worst thing I would ever go through and I was right. I always said I needed you to live to be 25 years old in order to feel I gave you the best and longest life possible. I always tried to keep you healthy and take the best care of you that I could yet you only lived to be 16 and a half years old. Wasn't long enough. I worry that the stress of moving las year and the new house took an toll on your heart and stress. Falling on the floors didn't help. The carpet and rugs helped some but the change and my non stop anger and depression couldn't have been good for your health. I wish I could go back and change how those months played out. There will never be a day when I don't think about you and how much I love and miss you baby bean ♥️
9/29/21- 36 wks of missing you Stymey Doodle. Life will never be the same without you. Still can't believe how fast I lost you and that there wasn't given any treatment options to save you 😭😭😭. I hope you felt like you had a good life and had all you wanted and needed. You made me so happy, I hope you were happy too.All my love, kisses and hugs for you. You are always carried in my heart ♥️😘
10/6/21- 37 wks and my first birthday without you since 2003. You were a 3 months old puppy for my birthday in 2004. If birthday wishes could come true, you'd still be alive because all my wishes after I got you was for you to live to be about 25 years old and be the longest living Chihuahua ever. Now I'll count each year as another year closer to hopefully being reunited with you for eternity. I wish you were here to have some ice cream cake and turkey leg from Renn Faire. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you baby boy ♥️😘
10/13/21- 38 wks without you my sweet baby. I had a dream this morning that I found some coins and there were 2 that had your picture on them and one other coin was heart shaped. Don't know what that means,if you gave me that dream as a sign. I really thought after you were gone that I'd see and feel you and know your energy lives on but I've only had a few dreams and no signs that make me certain it was you. I think if you could reach out to me you would unless you hate me for the times I was mean to you in the months before and for you trusting me and I allowed someone to kill you. I think of how your body was not working right for you those last few days but I was in denial and thought you'd bounce back and have more at least a couple more years with us. Now you're gone and I can't make up for anything I did wrong. I love and miss you so very much ❤️😭
10/20/21- 39 weeks, exactly 9 months and it's a Wednesday. I'll always remember the 20th of the month. You and Spirit both died on the 20th and today is 2 years ago that Spirit died. This time of year makes me remember when you were a tiny puppy since I brought you home in September 2004. You brought so much love, fun and happiness to me that I'll never forget. How you used to sleep with your head on my pillow those first few months and I'd wake up at night and look at you until I'd fall back to sleep. Such a precious little baby and you always were. I'll keep counting the weeks and months that put more time between us but hopefully is also bringing us closer to being together again. Mommy loves you more than I can say. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you Stymey Doodle ♥️
10/27/21- 40 wks. All the weeks I spent with you now all the weeks I'm without you. I used to think I'd have you around as a ghost dog after you were gone but I've never seen, felt or gotten your scent in all these weeks. Only had a few dreams which have been awhile too. Wish I knew where you at rand if your energy and soul still exists. I sure hope it does so I can be with you again one day and for eternity after that. All my love, kisses and hugs to you baby bean ♥️😘
11/3/21- 41 wks. Winter is coming and you always hated the cold just like your mama. I always tried to keep you warm and cozy. I wish you had more years to enjoy your heated bed. I had to get that for you when I saw it. All the clothes you had to help keep you warm. I think I did manage to keep you toasty most of the time. I'm so sorry that in your last hours I kept taking you out in the cold to try to get you to potty. I pushed you too hard out in the cold not realizing your little body was shutting down. I expected you to be fine. Ill never forget how wobbly and unsteady you were when we came back in that night and from there you only got worse and I think you collapsed in the early morning. Couldn't even get you to sit up but still I thought the vet could help you that morning. I was willing to do whatever I could but wasn't given any options to do so. I wish I didn't have to agree to end your life and take part in it. I wanted to be there for you til the end but not at my hand. I expected you to pass naturally and peacefully but the vet said that it wouldn't be that way. So much love and so many regrets. Sending all my love to you every moment of every day ♥️
11/10/21- 42 wks without you. I'm running out of words to write to you on here and need to save some for the upcoming holidays when I'll be missing you even more. In 10 weeks, you'll have been gone a full year 😭. Then I won't be counting the weeks anymore but how many years and months have passed without you. If I was able to do anything to bring you back I would. You were and still are my baby in every way. I'll love and miss you forever or until and if we meet again. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs out to you baby bean ♥️😘
11/17/21- 43 wks of missing you. I made a new Christmas ornament with your picture to put on the tree. No more Christmases with you but you're always in my heart and thoughts. All I have left of you is the memories and ashes 😭. Every night I hope to have a dream of you but I haven't in many months. I hope your soul still exists and that you know how much I'll always love and miss you and hope we'll be together again. I just don't know though but I'll always look for signs and hope for a dream or to see another orb in Joe's that it's you visiting me. All my love, kisses and hugs being sent to you Stymey Doodle ♥️
11/24/21- 44 wks. Hi baby,it was so hard to do a holiday picture without you. I only did them because of you. I'm not into doing it now. Nothing is the same without you. I know you fought with all your strength to stay with us. I wish I had fought more for you. I'll never stop loving and missing you 💕
12/1/21- 45 wks have gone so quickly. If anyone had told me this time last year that you would be gone by the 3rd week of January, I never would've believed it. Yet that's what happened 😭. Crazy that it'll soon be a year without you my baby. What I wouldn't give for even just one more day with you. Too love on you and spoil you more than ever. That day wouldn't be enough to get me to be ok or at peace with you being gone but I would try my best to know you felt all my love. I hope I succeeded in that with the time we did have. I know I always felt your love for me. Sending all my love, hugs and kisses to you baby bean ♥️😘
12/8/21-46 wks of missing you. Remembering taking you to see the Christmas lights and how much you loved it and I loved watching your amazement. You were one of a kind, more human than a Chihuahua. Seeing the lights without you isn't the same. I hope you can see them from wherever you are. I love and miss you every moment 😘♥️
12/15/21- 47 weeks without you. There will never be a day in my life that I don't miss you. We were going to go to Festival of Lights on Saturday night but I couldn't do it without you there. Nothing is as fun as it was when you were here. You were pure love and only growled at once in your entire life. No matter how mean and nasty I was being, you only had love for me and I didn't value your live and sweetness enough. I took it for granted 😭. As always I hope you forgive me although you probably never were angry with me anyway. You had to be so scared and worried when I would leave you for days, come home and leave again to go to work and out all day and night again. I regret all of those times. I should have spent all of that time with you.Sending all my love, kiss and hugs to you little baby. Mama's love for you is neverending ♥️💕
12/22/21- 48 wks, 11 months now. I watched a video of you last night from when I took you to the Christmas party at the apartment and you were eating lasagna. You had gotten diagnosed with heart failure that week and I didn't know it was a death sentence for you 😭😭😭. I should have known that but my brain didn't want to think of it. I had a very short dream of you this morning that I was feeding you human food. Must have been from seeing the video and regretting not letting you have all the people food you wanted. You loved food and I always wanted you to be skinny so I didn't give you enough yummy foods 😭 I'm so sorry. Christmas is a few days away but not the same without you. You made me a better person that day I took you home and who I am changed that day and the day I had to start over without my beautiful baby bean. Sending all my love, hugs and kisses in a giant box with a big turquoise bow on it to you 💖🎄😘
12/25/21- Merry Christmas Stymey! You are so loved and missed. Cuz Ginger got us a small pillow with your picture on it that I'll treasure. Everyone knows how much we miss you. I hope you were with us in spirit today. Rambo keeps pulling out all of your chewies the last few nights. Reminds me of you. Almost feel like you're leading him to do that. Your stocking is now the one I use and Sprit's old stocking is daddy's now. So we still see them and think of you both. First Christmas without you since 2003, before you were born. Don't think I'll ever get used to it. I feel like you should be here for every Christmas with me. All my love forever ♥️🎄🍨♥️
12/29/21- 49 wks of surviving without you. It hasn't been easy and I know you would still be here if your heart wasn't failing you. So unfair. Your heart was pure and filled with love. I can never thank you enough for all the love and hugs you gave me in our 16 years and 4 months together. I hope someday we'll be together so I can make up for all the times I left you home alone hearing all of my anger and directing it at you. The sweetest soul ever, you never deserved one second of that and I'll regret those moments forever. Always did and always will love you more than words can say. Zillions of kisses to you baby bean ❤️
12/31/21- Last day of the last year you began with us. I had no idea when we spent New Years Eve with you and rang in 2021 that you'd be gone in under 3 weeks. Now we have to start a new year without you 😭. Every day hopefully brings me close to being with you for eternity. Only thing life to look forward to now. I hope we will be together of there will be nothing else or an eternity of missing you. Mommy and Daddy love and miss you 💓💓
1/5/22- 50 weeks of missing you. Ugh, so hard. I'd do anything to have you back and would have done anything to save you. I wish I could have healed you with pieces of my heart. I'll never forget how sweet, loyal and trusting you were. I wish I could be as sweet as you. You were always willing to follow me and determined to be close to me even if it put you in danger. Always had to get to your mommy. I wonder how you're doing without me if you have any form of memory, if your soul still exists beyond the living world. I hope it does and we'll be together again someday. All my love, hugs and kisses to you baby bean ❤️😘❤️
1/12/22- 51 wks gone by without you. This time last year I had no idea I'd be forced to end your life in a week. I always said I'd never to that and will always regret that decision. But the other options probably would have led to you dying scared and alone without us unless you had passed while we were awake and spending time with you. After seeing you wobble so badly the night before and finding you on the floor that morning and thinking you had died on the floor all alone trying to get to us, some part of me knew you might be gone at any moment.No way would have been easy. I wish I had been more aware and prepared. I wish you could have eaten those last days and hours. You loved food as much as you loved me and I wasn't able to give you all t junk food you wanted as a final gift to you. No matter how much time passes, you'll always be missed, never forgotten and always loved tremendously. Everyone who knew me knew of my great love for you and that will never end ❤️❤️
1/19/22- 52 wks, a whole year you've been gone. I didn't expect the vet visit to result in the end of your life that day. I had hope that they would get you better and we would have a couple more years together. Today is harder for me to write to you because my thoughts and emotions are jumbled. Hate that it's been a year and that I had to take part in ending your life. I truly feel like the light in my life left when you did. You were so good, loving, sweet, silly, loyal and trusting in every way. The world was better with you alive. I hope in one year closer to being with you again, I need you. I worry you're scared without me. Your mommy should be with you. I'll never stop loving and missing you my precious baby bean. Sending all my love, hugs and kisses to you today and everyday ♥️😘💕
1/20/22- a solid year has passed without you. The last few days have been really hard. I'm missing you so much and hate that I've survived a year without you. You were such a ray of light and love. I knew the moment I saw you that you were very special and quickly learned that I'd be a mess when I lost you. Worried about it for years. I still was not and never would've been prepared for it. I wish I could get a sign from you. I know you didn't want to leave and hung on as best as you could. I don't know how much pain you were in but you had the glazed, vacant look in your eyes that last day. I'll always wish I had fought more for you. I feared you would die alone if we even had been told there was a procedure we could do for you. The vet didn't think you'd survive draining the fluid from your chest. If there had been a high chance of you surviving, I would have done it. I'll always feel bad about having to take part in your death that day. I never thought it would come to that and never ever wanted to do it. Please forgive me for all the things I did wrong. Sending zillions of kisses and hugs to you and all of my love 💕😘
1/26/22-Hi baby, I'm going to run out of words for writing on here. Don't know what I'll do then as I feel this memorial keeps me connected to you. I was so very lucky to have been your mommy and have your love and devotion.You were with me though so many good and bad times and so many changes. But you never changed, you were always sweet,loving and trusting no matter what. You were my stability and I feel I took you for granted.i sure regret that. Can't make it up to you now 😭.I wish I could. I'll never let you be forgotten. You brought smiles to so many people. King of Main Street! Loving and missing you as I do all the time 💕😘
1/27/22- sometimes I look at your pictures and cry. I don't like seeing your picture on your headstone on here because it's so real that I'll never see you again. I miss you so much😭♥️
2/2/22- Hi little bean. I should have been counting the time you were here with me instead of taking it for granted. Now I count the time since you've been gone 😭. I'll love and miss you forever or until and if we meet again. Sending zillions of kisses and hugs to your and all my love 💕
2/9/22- Hi my Doodle Noodle, in a few days it'll be the 2nd Valentine's day without you.I'll always wish you were still here.You're always in my heart. All my love, kisses and hugs to you wrapped in a big shiny heart ❤️
2/14/22- Hi little baby. Happy Valentine's day! All those years when you were my one and only Valentine. I always felt your love. Now 2nd Valentine's day without you.I love and miss you every day. Sending you all my love, hugs,kisses, a catfish sandwich and cake wrapped in a big red heart ❤️
2/22/22- Hi baby. The other day, on the 20th, (13 months since you've been gone) I found 3 dimes in the driveway as I opened my car door. Don't know how they got there. Wonder if you placed them there for me? Very cool if you did, wish I could know for certain if it was you. I look at your pictures now and you were so cute,hard to believe you were real and I was your mommy your whole life except those first 8 weeks. I hope I gave you a great life. I always did and always will love you so, so much ♥️
3/2/22- Hi Stymey, I think of you all the time. You were such a big part of me. So much love in your tiny body with a larger than life personality. So many people would "oooh and ahhh" over how adorable and sweet you were. You were so very cute that you didn't even look real in some pictures. I change up your pictures that are up now and then to keep seeing different pictures of you. Sending billions of kisses and hugs to you and all of my love 💞😘
3/9/22- Hi baby. I'm glad I got your footprint tattooed on me while you were still here. Makes me feel like I keep part of you with me and it's placed where you would hug me. I wear a necklace with your ashes every day and at night before bed I put on a ring with your ashes. Makes me feel like you're in the bed with us. I hate that I cremated you but at least this way, I can carry your ashes with me. I would have hated burying you in the cold, wet dirty ground too. I love and miss so much and always will ❤️😘
3/16/22- My dear little Stymey,the last time we left you alone for days was in 2019 for our wedding and I can never forget hearing you cry on the camera all night long those 3 nights. I don't think you slept at all those days and nights. I always knew how you felt being alone and probably thinking I'd never come back to you. I knew the day would come when I'd be feeling that pain for the rest of my life. I couldn't wait to get off that plane and get home to you and I ran out of the car as soon as we parked to get to you. I'm so very sorry for all the times I upset you and made you cry like that. My biggest regret is for getting so angry with you the night we moved into the new house only months before we lost you. I never cared that you peed on my clothes, the sheets, the sofa but that night after all those exhausting days and stress, after you peed on the bed the 2nd time after I stayed up 2 extra hours to wash the sheets and you did it again , I snapped. I'm glad your daddy wasn't as angry as I was and stayed up with you and let you out of the crate after I punished you. I wish I had calmed down. Even for a couple days after it, I was ignoring you and being cruel to you. Uncalled for. Then add how upset I would get when you wouldn't take your medicines and I feel like you didn't know how much I still and always will love you I those last few months. I wish I had realized how deadly the heart disease was and that you were on borrowed time. I don't know why I didn't I was stupid. I did know enough to take you for a 2nd opinion with the cyst on your neck. The dumb vet who cut it the first time made it end up infected and he said it was fine, then wanted to do a surgery on you at almost 16 years old and I feared you would die during it so I found a new vet who get the infection cleared up and drained it without risking your precious life. I did my best to take care of you but wish I had done more about your heart disease. I hope you forgive me for all I did wrong. There will never be a day that I don't think of you and miss you. I'll love you forever ♥️
3/23/22- Hi baby bean. You've been gone over 14 months now. Feels much longer and time stretches on. I added the years you were with me to my tattoo of your paw print. I always hope I did right by you and that you knew how much you were and are loved. Wish you could have been with me the rest of my life. I had always hoped to have you be the Longest Living Chihuahua In the World but we didn't even get close 😭. Sending zillions of kisses, hugs and all my love to you ♥️😘. Wish I could send you all the yummy foods I denied you in my effort to keep you as thin and as healthy as I could.
3/30/22- Hi Stymey, I was looking at pictures of you from many years ago. Your cuteness was breathtaking. I fell in love with you at first sight and will never forget you or stop loving and missing you my baby. I was so very lucky to have you. Sending all my love, kisses and hugs to you 😘❤️
4/6/22- Hi Stymey Doodle, nothing has been the same without you. You radiated so much love, sweetness and joy. I wish I had more memories of you at this house and that I wasn't being so irritable during your last months. I should have been more loving,given your age and heart problems. I'll live with that guilt as long as I breathe. I hope in afterlife I can make it up to you.Zillions of hugs & kisses to you & all my love 💞
4/13/22- Hi baby. I look at my photo memories on Facebook every day to see if we were doing things years ago on this date. I love seeing the pictures of you because it reminds me that I did spend time with you and took you out a good amount when the weather was nice. My mind tells me I left you alone way too much and that is true but I had to leave for work everyday. It's all the other times I'd be out at the mall all day, come home, get ready and go out at night which was a huge waste of time. Should have spent a that time with you, being cozy at home with my sweet little baby. I miss and love you so much ♥️
4/20/22- Hi sweet Doodle. Today is 15 months since you've been gone 😭. You were so strong and brave. I didn't know you were in so much pain because you never yelped, whimpered or growled. You're a tough little sweet cookie. We should have been much more gentle with you. I don't know how you suffered with the pain you had to have had but didn't express it. I'm so very sorry I wasn't more aware. I love you so much and wish I had been better for you ♥️
4/27/22- Hi baby. You were the sweetest soul to ever be on this earth. I was so very lucky to be your mommy and you'll always be my little baby. I worry about you & wish I could comfort and love on you. I sleep with your Minka every night and she wears one of your collars with a tag with your picture on it. All the stuffed animals I got for you and she was the only one you loved. Was so cute seeing you carry her around.
All my love with zillions of kisses and hugs to you ❤️😘
5/4/21- Hi sweetie. I cried for you so much last night. Of everyone I've lost, being without you is the hardest. I fear we'll never be together again and you'll never know how loved you are. If you're aware of anything, I worry how scared you must be and thinking I abandoned you. I'd never do that. I'd give anything to have you back. I'll love and miss you forever 😭♥️😘
5/11/22- Hi Stymey bean. You're so missed and loved. Just not right that you're no longer here. I took you for granted and thought you had years left. I wish things had been different and that I wasn't always so miserable and angry. I'm sure you felt that bad energy.You were the opposite of that. You were all good, love and light and will always be remembered and loved. Sending zillions of kisses, hugs and all my love to you ♥️
5/18/22- Hi baby. We went to the Running of the Chihuahuas and of course there were not any who looked just like you. You were always the cutest dog everywhere we went. Kids loved you and you were always so patient and sweet. I'll never stop thinking of you, loving and missing you. You'll always be my first baby boy who is wrapped around my heart ❤️