I found Stinky in a rainstorm. She has been with me for 16 1/2 years giving me her unconditional love through many tough times. She would lick my tears away whenever she heard me crying and the tears I cry now are the only ones she cannot lick away. I loved her more than I could ever imagine and miss her. She will forever be in my heart and soul. It's been almost 3 weeks since I had to say good-bye. The pain is still so incredibly deep. When she was first diagnosed with kidney disease 4 years ago, I have been trying to prepare myself but you are never really ready. I prayed that I would know when it was time to say good-bye and I truly believe that Stinky made it very clear that it was time. It was all very quick but very difficult to say good-bye nonetheless. She did not suffer. Every time I am by myself, I cry. She used to be with me all the time and now she is not. I pray every day for her and cry as I remember. Stinky was an indoor cat but she loved to go outside and I would be with her and watch her as she enjoyed sniffing everything and basking in the sun or lounging in the rose garden. She would walk around the house and try to smell everything as if trying to take it all in since she was not sure when she would be able to go outside again. She never wandered away from the house - no matter where we lived. I remember how she would play with me with a ball, a string of yarn, or Q-tip; want me to pet her for about 2 seconds and then as if to say "okay, that's enough". She liked finding different places to sleep - many times it was like playing hide and seek. Stinky was very adaptable as she had to move several times with me - at least 10 times before we settled in Colorado. She had her own room as Richard, my husband, was allergic to cats. The door had a glass panel so she could see us and I could see her. I would go and sit with her as often as I could. I used to tape a couple of daytime soap operas while I was at work and then watch them when I got home with her. It was "our time" together. I got very busy those last few days that she was alive and did not take the time to watch my soaps with her. They were piled up on the VCR in her room. I was able to watch some but never got caught up and I feel very quilty now that I didn't take that extra time to be with her. Now I don't want to watch my soaps (which is probably a good thing) and I definitely cannot even tape them because it reminds me that I cannot be with her anymore. I find it very difficult to walk by that room; let alone go inside. I feel such an emptyness inside me now when I am home alone and Richard has to travel for business. She was always there before and now she is not. I keep thinking of all the things I wish I would have done for her those last few days and didn't and I break down crying just thinking about it and praying that she forgives me. She depended on me for everything. I would do anything for her and I pray that she knew how much I loved her and pray she forgives me if I neglected her in any way. I would check in on her in the morning, when I got home from work, and before I went to bed and any other time that I could find. It just didn't seem to be enough now. I know God has a plan and that He gave us Baby Vance to focus on but I keep wishing I could hold her and love her one more time. I know Baby Vance is wondering why he doesn't hear that sweet "meow" every once in awhile now. Baby Vance will be here in 3 months and I pray that Stinky did not sense that she had to leave me in order to have room for Baby Vance. I pray she knew I had MORE than enough love for her and Baby Vance. I love you Stinky. I miss you so much.

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Stinky's People Parent(s), Tammy, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Stinky's Memorial Residency.

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