My heart broke today
by Amanda
Over the past few days you didn't seem like your normal self. You seemed tired and weak. I tried to convince myself that you would be back to normal in no time. But you and I both knew the truth. For over 15 years we have shared a bond like no other and in my heart I knew you were ready to let go. I also knew that you would hold on for as long as you could to take care of me.

On your last day here I held you all day. I cried and told you a thousand times how much I loved you. I told you that if you needed to go it was OK but you still held on. You knew I wasn't going to be OK without you and as much as you wanted to let go of this world and your suffering you put my feelings and needs first, like always.

When I found out that I would never have human babies you came into my life and you were my baby. For all these years you were by my side. You traveled with me, you slept by my side every night, you loved me unconditionally and I you. Now that I'm hurting so very bad I need you more than anything to nuzzle up to me and let me know everything will be alright, but that isn't possible and it breaks my heart.

Last night after spending all day showing you a lifetime of love Daddy and I knew it was time to go to the vet. I wrapped you in your blanket and we made the short trip. He gave you a sedative to help relax you and I held you to me and cried as I said my final words to you. Daddy cried too, we held each other with you in the middle and just cried and cried. Then the vet came back in and gave you the medicine that would end your suffering. Deciding to let you go was the hardest thing I've ever done. I didn't think I could do it, but when it came down to it I loved you too much to continue to watch you suffer for my own desire to hold on.

I know you are somewhere very special now and I know one day we will be together again. If you think of me from time to time I hope it is with love and kindness. And if you can, drop into my dreams every now and then to say hi and give me some hugs and kisses.

Until we meet again know that I love you more than words can ever say and I will miss you every single day. Rest in peace, baby girl and remember Mama and Daddy love and miss you so much.
Comments would be appreciated by the author, Amanda
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