I first saw you, in pets at home, Kings Lynn, Easter 2002. I had moved there with my ex, Michael, it was a bad relationship but I did all that I could to make this move work.. sadly it did not. But having you, my very own easter bunny.. helped that dark time more than you could ever imagine. You were my friend, and my baby. When I felt despair, when I felt alone, you were there.. always listenning, your ear pricked up, an inquisitive gleam in your eye. He never took to you, well, why would he .,.. he never loved me. I remember one time, I had to leave you there, while I came home to think about what to do... I missed you so much and went back, as needed to be there with you. My millie. It took one time, where he was a bit too rough with you, and would not let me come over to see if you were alright, and from then on, me and you would sit up late at night, as I promised you that we would go to Birmingham, and start a new life...
The day that we left Norfolk, my heart broke... and today, that pain is back, a mixture of things, but this feels worse than that pain even , and you know how much that hurt me back then... Dad said I couldnt fit you in the car, do you remember ? And I said that if you werent coming with me, well, I would stay !! We got you home, and this is where you stayed.. where you will always stay. The last five years, have been a JOY :0) In the first few weeks, you escaped a home made pen that we created, and we spent HOURS trying to get you back in, but you were always a feisty and passionate little thing :0) You were mine for sure !!
I know that I travelled, I lived in Italy twice also, and so we said goodbye on many occassions... every time that I left you with nan and grandad, I cried, and wondered if that could be the last time that I would see you. But you were always in my heart and I missed you so, so much, that I would call and ask how you were, sometimes before I asked how mum and dad were, hehe.... whenever I came home, the best part, and the first thing that I would do, was to come in and see you, and you would be so excited to see me, running around in circles... stamping your back feet in protest when I left the room :0) I loved, to cuddle up and sniff your head !!
Do you remember how you loved those white chocolate buttons ?? I still have your food bowl next to me today.. I know I need to clean it and get rid of it, it has your blood on it, but it is the only thing left that smells of you...
Millie, I know that you had been ill for sometime... the lump started on your back leg at Christmas, and we took you to the vets.. but they said that we were to use our judgement, and that you were okay to come home and see it out until you could take no more. Maybe I was selfish, and I should have had you put to sleep, but I feel sure that until your last day, you were in no pain ?? You ate like a gannet.. I knew the end was here when you went off your food and would not even accept a grape.. Millie... I cant believe that I am writing this and that you are gone..
Two days ago, the rain was so heavy here, and you were in your pen outside... you got soaked and we got you back in, I dried you off, but something in you changed... your spark was extinguished. Today, I wonder if that finished you off, and I am so sorry... should I have taken you to the vets yesterday ?? They would have had you put to sleep, and after all of this time (6 months) of us battling for you to die with dignity, well I didnt want your life that was so close to the end, to end on a metal slab with a needle...
Last night, I held you.. you NEVER let me pick you up :0) and I always longed to do so... we cuddled, and you lay on my lap, struggling away, looking up at me. I knew , when I kissed you goodnight, that that would be our last time. I would give anything to have known that come the morning, youd be gone, I would have sat up all night long...
Mum came into my room and told me you had passed.. that minute.. and I ran down to you.. it was all such a blur really, I was not awake fully.. you were lay, on your side, and stretched out.. still warm, and your eyes showed a presence.. but you had gone... I kissed you goodbye.. Millie :0(
The rest of today is a blur.. I lit some incense for you, and a candle (its still burning 8 hours on), and I wrapped you in a towel, laid you in your pet box... I had to wait for mum and dad to come home so that I could bury you but I am glad for those few hours that we had.. I just sat and sobbed...
I found this site, and the story about the rainbow bridge on the internet, and I only wish, that I had known about this place before you had gone.. so that I could have told you about what would happen... I told you to come back and be my angel, and I am sure you can be that too...
We buried you in the garden, and now, you have a gnome , holding flowers, you were wrapped with lavender and sweet peas (my name for you) and I placed a copy of 'the rainbow bridge' with you too... we lay on hay, and buried you... I made sure that the soil did not land on you heavily, and we placed the minature rose back so that it will grow on top of you and when it blooms, I will know that you are a part of it. You are also next to a norfolk farm lavender bush that mum got for you when they came to see us there....so you have a part of both of your homes ...
Millie.. I feel like it is a person who has passed. Only this is the first time that it has been someone dependent upon ME and I feel I should have done more for you. I feel silly already, telling friends that I am heartbroken... but no one else will truly know just what you meant to me, and how you really did save my life.... if we had not left Norfolk, I am sure that neither of us would be here to tell this tale...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH Millie Butler and I really dont know how I wil get over this ...
But you will be with me always...
and I will see you at the rainbow bridge one day.. who knows when,but Ill bring more kisses and cuddles than you could ever imagine. Have fun there, I hope you meet my old hamsters, Sophie, Molly, Scampi, Bailey , Josephs Roger, and Tommy the crab goldfish butler..
Theres more I could say.... grandad, Caitlin and Emily... remember what I asked you to tell her....
Sleep tight now sweetie pie / stinkerbell...
always your mummy,
Angela xxx
321-784-1468 Tech Support
