im sitting on the outside of my classroom typing this. i dont think i can go in there. i dont care if they mark me absent. i dont care about much anymore since three days ago.

my stomach keeps on hurting. i feel like vomiting almost. or crying. one of the two. ill stay on the outside and isolate myself if i have to. my stomach hurts so bad. i want him back. i want neka back. i want to hold him again.

there was an aspca commercial that came on the other day ago. you know , the sad dogs in cages... cats w one eye... wordings that make you cry yourself to sleep.
and usually i dont cry from that , only feel upset. but i cant stand it.
neka is gone. and i saw animals that were broken. and its bad enough i watched my cat be put down humanely. i must have been shaking like the dog in that cage.

i dont know how i can go about this. im listening to "love , hate , react , relate" by trash boat on repeat. my stomach feels empty and nauseous. i just want to sleep. to forget the world for a while.

i cant care about anything anymore. the grief is consuming me. why couldnt neka stay ?