You passed yesterday. And it's been different. I walked in the living room and realized you weren't there. And when I went to the kitchen you didn't come chasing after me to sit and beg for food. And I heard my mom dump your leftover food from your bowl and thought it was you for a second. My mom even cried today when she realized she couldn't give you chicken nuggets behind my back. Even though I spent your last few days never leaving your side to make sure you were taken care of, I still feel like I didn't get enough time to make sure you knew how much I loved you. I also realized today that, before yesterday, every time I thought of my future, you were always there being a little pest that I never wanted to get rid of. And now you weren't here to jump into my bed and lay down with me or stay with me when I cried like you used to. And I hated how in your last few days you would still follow us around the house while you were weak just because you didn't want to be alone. That's why I only left you when I thought you were asleep and you wouldn't know. But I want you to know I miss you so much. I miss how you'd lift your paw when you wanted me to scratch your chest or give you food. I miss how I'd just ask you what you wanted and you'd lead me to the back door or to your food bowl. And I love how me and my mom would joke about you and call you a mutt but you wouldn't care because you knew you'd get food from us (and you didn't understand us). You've been here for the past 9 years and all of a sudden the house feels empty without you. You were here then I first went to middle school. And when I was old enough to stay at the house by myself I never felt like I was by myself because you were always there with me. But today when my mom and Aliza went to get ice cream, I felt completely alone. I realized you weren't here to keep me company anymore and I couldn't make dumb jokes with you on the couch like I used to. And your boot and tennis balls are outside in that huge hole you dug over the years. Today I layed in bed all day just crying randomly and kept having the feeling that you were gonna show up like usual and hop into bed with me or at least come to by bed and whine that you needed to go outside. But you never showed. I really just want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry we couldn't afford to help you. And I'm sorry that you got stuck with a poor family. I just realized that you were the last one of your litter. I hope you find all of your siblings and can have fun together. But I'm sorry that you weren't comfortable in your last days. You deserved so much better. I'm not even sure if I could get another pet because nothing could compare to you. You were perfect. If we do manage to get you cremated I promise you'll go with me where ever life takes me. You grew up and put up with me for so long and my senior year will be completely different than I planned without you in it. But I want you to know that, despite me making jokes about you all the time, I love you more than anything in the world and I hope you have fun being healthy and happy again. I'll always remember you and your last kiss to me the night before you passed.
Rest Easy my Big Good Girl❤️