I always wanted a Pug. I thought they were the cutest things ever. But when it came down to actually getting one, it seemed impossible. They were either too much or too far away. But it seemed like a miracle when i walked into the local pet store and there they were. Only about 3 pug puppies were left and I fell in love. I knew I couldn't afford it yet I went there everyday to hold them. I fell in love with a certain one, not too cubby, and very cute. Thanksgiving was coming along and my family was plotting a suprise for me. When I arrived at my grandparents I was suprised with him! My very own Pug, I named him Rocko. I balled my eyes out seeing him. I was speach less, a dream come true. At the time we had another dog, he was only 6 months older than the pug, his name is Bentley. At first they didnt get along but soon after they became best friends. They did everything together. Rocko became my baby. We cuddled together at night, he followed me to the bathroom, waited for me after my showers, only wanted to to be held by me. I loved him so much i can't even explain it. Well, months went by and rocko went everywhere with me. Fourth of July was the last holiday we spent together.
We just put up a bigger fence for the dogs and just layed tiles in the living room since we finally had two puppies potty trained. We had my boyfriends parents over to see our remodeling and of course his mother wanted to see the babies. They were soo hyper that Rocko climbed the gate! Ive never seem him to it before and right after him came Bentley. And when they crossed his family laughed and thought it was cute. This was the last time i saw Rocko. We went to my boyfriends parents house and spent about 2 hours there. While we were there ironicly, we talked about what happened to our dogs in the past, whether they ran away, or tragiaclly died. When we arrived home we actually giggled about how ironic it would be if the climbed out again. And when my boyfriend opened the door and my two hyper dogs did not come running to us my heart dropped. I immediatly ran outside down the alley way. Suprisingly they were right across the street! I went after Bentley not even thinking. Bentley is a husky and since i had JUST shaved them both i did not put their collars back on. Therefor i had to carry Bentley back to the house. He someone managed to get out of my hands and I had to run after him again. Freaking out about my baby since there were many of cars and i saw him run from my boyfriend. I seriously thought my boyfriend could catch him.. I guess I was wrong. I jumped in my car and drove to my boyfriend. He was having a asthma attack and lost him. It was 11 at night, very dark. I called my mom crying asking her to come help me find him. We spent all night and morning looking everywhere for him. No luck, the next day we put up flyers and went to the dog pound. still no hope that day. He kept our chin up thinking that maybe someone has him and didn't know the pound wasn't open on Sundays. Then Monday came along and so did that night and still no Rocko. Gosh I couldn't stop thinkinbg about what if he is lost, what if someones keeping him for money, where's he sleeping? Is he hungry? Thirsty? Another restless night came along and Tuesday arrived. I got a call 15 mintues before i had to leave for work. A man asked if i had found my baby yet. He said he saw him pretty far from our home. We were actually looking in the wrong direction. I called my mom and my boyfriend raced to the place the man reported. About one hour into my shift my mom had called me. Hysterical, she said she found him, he had been hit by a train. To think we were so close! If only the man called a few hours earlier. Since my boyfriend had to go on nights my mom and I went to pick him up. I saw his body a mile away. And as i walked the longest mile ever I swear i saw him lift his head up crying for help. When i got to him I didnt think it was him. He was so bloated.There were flys everywhere. and the only way i knew it was deffinetly him was the distinct shave marks i made on him. When we were about to pick him up a train came by. All i could do was scream and cry. The train was going by so fast and all i imagined was him getting hit. After the train passed we put his body in a bag... Half his face was gone. It was the hardest thing to do but i couldnt let him lay there any longer. Even though he was only 10 months old he was sooo heavy. We buried him in my back yard by a tree. This is my 4th night since he died and I still havent been home. I cant be in that house without thining about him. Tomorrow is going to be my first night there since and i am scared. A lot of things are going thru my mind. I feel so bad that he was alone. He was probably sad and scared and thirsty. I think that is what kills me the most is that i couldnt find him. People say i will get over it and its just a dog. but hes more than a dog he was like my son. and the thought that it was so unexpected kills me. I couldnt be there with him when it happened. Its not like he grew old because then i would understand. I just wish I could hold him again in my arms. I miss him so much. And you ccan tell that my other dog is depressed. I think i will feel guilty if i get another dog, Im just not sure what to do. I hope that I can get over this. I just cannot stop thinking about him. And how awful of a person I am. I regret every night that i wasnt looking for him and i regret being out that night, but i have to move on and stop blaming myself. I just hope I can learn how to do that. I have to accept the fact that my baby is gone. I just hope he can forgive me.