by Beverly McCutcheon
My little boy came to live with me Mar 2007, 3 Months old. Cutest happiest little fluff ball ever. A long hair chihuahua that I looked a long time for you.Your birthday was 1-1-2007. You had that special joy and happiness and so much love. Had your favorite few stuffed babies that only you played with. All of a sudden you started having seziers on Wed night 4 nights ago and never showed any signs. Could you tell me why? I thought little dogs lived longer but how wrong was I. You just turned 12. Your 14 year old sister Bindi and 11 year old sister Sissy, and your kitty 2 1/2 years old Peaches are all as torn as I am. They do know you are missing as of today when the vet came and took you to go to Rainbow 🌈 Bridge. I have cried since this started on Wed night and still can’t Stop. Your sisters have known something terrible was wrong and different. I did everything I could for you, the vet and the emergency clinic. You just got lost in all of that and could’s Move anything but your sweet little mouth to cry. You didn’t even knownusnafter I brought you back home. I am so sorry you were in such pain and yet full of medications but not a really good reason for all of this. You couldn’t move anything and you cried out so much. I held you and kept telling you, it was ok and mommy loves you.
When you left part of me went with you. Could have had a brain tumor, did show heart problems and other areas but you were always the leader to go out to potty and walk. Your sisters behind you except Peaches of course, always attentive, full of joy and that little fluffy tail sticking up like a flag. You were beautiful too. Now I don't know what to do. Bindi and Sissy don’t either. Not the same after all these years walking them and you.
They are not the same outside without you. Like where is our Baxter and I called you little boy. I will never ever understand what happened and why. You and your sisters were always inside children and always slept with me. I protected you with my life and kept y'all away from any animal or harm that maybe could have made you sick. How can we stay in this house without you? You were everywhere and loved so much, maybe I loved you to death. I know I will continue and I also told you today we will be together again in heaven. I had you creamated so you could be buried with me. I never had left you with anyone
But my mother and my dear friend Jim. Mother got too sick and Jim still took care of all of y’all when I was in the hospital so much the last few months. You only loved my mother and Jim. Your sisters were adopted years ago and Peaches 2 1/2 years ago. You were never left in a vet over night and only now one night in the emergency clinic where your vet sent you. Was ok as you didn’t know any difference then. i don’t know if I will ever get over you leaving us. God knows how much you were loved and sometimes we don’t understand but the pain and loss are so herrendus, just too hard to bare. I still can’t believe this. You will always be mommy’s little boy and the flow of love will just go on and on. How am I going to make through the night without you in my bed too? I love y’all like children not pets. So I have lost a child. At least you hurt no more and happy and running with that fluffy little tail sticking up. I say my prayers to Jesus Christ every night when we go out so I hope you look down at us and hear those prayers for you too. I just love you Baxter, life isn’t fair. At least we had 12 wonderful years together and so many wonderful memories. You were the only one that when we went out the door for the last time at night, you barked and looked up the street and saw deer in our neighbors yard that I could barely see and wouln’t have if you had not been there.Baxter I would do anything to have you back. Am still crying trying to talk to you now even though I held, loved, petted you and talked to you. Just please talk to God for me and ask him why this happened and let me know too. Any baby I have lost I always knew why but not this time.!it isnol you were crying so hard this morning and I held you and tried to help and you peed me. I knew you couldn’t help it and please forgive me for not being able to help you. My heart is broken inhalf with you gone from our lives. I, love, love , love you my little boy. When 2 does and a kitty have completely changed too over your being gone, just makes it harder and harder. Just wish I knew how to fix my heart and again, have to back. Good night little boy, many many hugs and kisses to you. I can just see you sitting there with those ears so furry and sticking up and you listening to me talk to you. Again, you are one of a kind.