I Woke Up and You Were Not There

It was a very long difficult day after already having a difficult week. I knew that you hadn't been feeling as well as you should have been lately. We knew about the arthritis you had been dealing with for the past several months and you were getting older but you still were not yourself; I thought there was something more wrong when you were not begging for
your doggie treats as you always did, were not asking me to take you for your long walks, and didn't sit next to me when I packed my lunch, waiting for me to give you a cookie or two. You were to the vet a couple times recently but she seemed to think it was all involved with the arthritis.
This week, your conditions were getting worse. You were not eating and had been refusing your medicine no matter how well we hid it in all the foods you liked. The other vet, at the office, gave us news worse than I had imagined. You had fluid in and within your kidneys and abdomen and tumors growing within you. It was decided it would be best for you to end your suffering.
I enjoyed taking you for your walk this morning, even though it was raining. You seemed to be disoriented and I noticed how you had lost quite a bit of weight but your stomach was sagging. It was about the worse I had seen you. I could tell you were not felling very well. You were drinking up all of the rain puddles you could find; when you threw up all of that water as forcefully as you did, it became all that more clear how bad you had gotten, even if it was only a couple weeks ago that we were taking our 2 hour walks.
We got back home. I was able to sleep a couple hours before it was time for us to take you and have the vet assist you in reaching the Rainbow Bridge. I wasn't able to get back to sleep afterwards; knowing that you are in a better place and better health doesn't ease the burden of your loss much.
I finally did get to sleep for a couple hours before going into work again tonight. The alarm went off and I looked to see where you were laying so I wouldn't step on you but you were not there. You always laid by my bedside when I was sleeping then jumped up when that alarm went off but never again will I be waking up to you expecting a walk, a treat, to be let outside, or for you to help me pack my lunch. I am sure there are going to be other times when I wake up expecting you to be laying next to the bed. I wish when I woke up I would have realized that this all had been a nightmare.