We first met 15 years ago, I was 10 and he was 40 days old. I was so small and I felt I loved animals very much, especially dogs. My parents didn't want to adopt a puppy but I needed it desperately and I gathered enough money to buy one despite my parents' prohibition. That's how everything started... After a lot of searching I eventually found the litter of golden cocker spaniels that my heart belonged to. There were only three cockers left waiting for their caregivers, sleeping so peacefully... and then my little baby woke up and gave me a long look before he managed to stand up and made a few reeling moves to reach me. I took him in my arms and he fell asleep. I felt he was born to share his life with me and that was the happiest day in my life because I knew I had found the love I've been searching for. I named him after my favorite child-book character -- Rinji.
So, I brought him home and he would cry every minute I left him alone. I couldn't do this to him and I held him in my arms all the time. I took him in my bed every time he cried and I was very careful because he was so small and I was afraid I would hurt him. My parents didn't allow him to sleep in my bed and tried to get him out of it whenever I fell asleep but he always started crying and immediately woke me up to get him back. A year later he was a grown up very strong cocker spaniel that would bite anyone that tried to take him away from my bed, my room and me myself. From that moment on no one could ever take him away from me and no one ever did. We grew up together and we learnt to protect each other every single moment. Our home was our castle, our love was our power and our trust was our weapon.
Later on he felt very strong and he became extremely aggressive. He didn't let anyone home but my parents and my best friends that he knew since he was a little baby. He didn't like playing with other dogs because he wouldn't leave me alone for a second. He loved playing with me and I used to throw him sticks when outside and a tennis ball, his favorite tennis ball, at home. After a long play he used to come to me for his favorite slobber. He would lie down on his back and I would fawn on his belly, he loved that so much. When my best friend once attended one of these moments she said "I can't believe how loving could this "evil" outside dog can be and I just think that you are his only love". And that was the truth. He would do everything for me and I believe that was the reason he became aggressive because he was afraid he could lose me and he tried to protect me in his own way. That is how we spent our 15 years together. I love him more than everything in my life and me myself... and so he did. That is true love, the love that you give and you give beyond borders and every time you look at his eyes he says "I love you" and you say it loud "I love you too". And I will always love him, always!
I used to ask him: "Rinji, tell me who is the most beautiful dog in the world?!" and he would start barking :)
The last year of his life I felt we didn't have much time together. I started sleeping restlessly, I had nightmares that he had been gone and I started waking up in tears. Every time I thought I could lose him my heart hurt. I have never felt such pain before. So I tried to spend all my time with him, I tried to do everything for him and give him all the love in the world. And I think I did. That is the only thing that makes me calm. I think I couldn't do more and I don't think I will ever can. I wanted to make him feel so special and unique and I think I made it, I saw it in his eyes. In his last days I slept right next to him, holding him in my arms, holding his paw, watching at him knowing the time was coming and thanking God I had him. The last night he wouldn't sleep and every time he moved I felt like my heart stopped for a while, it hurt so much. So I wouldn't sleep as well. My father was out of town and in the morning I called him to come back home because I knew he would love to see him for a last time. My mother, my grandmother, my cousin and my boyfriend were at home but I asked them to go away because I wanted to spend my last day with him alone, just the two of us like the good old days.
The last few hours I just sit in front of him so that he could see me and I talked to him, holding his paw. I told him everything. I told him my favorite stories together since we were both kids till the last day as grownups. I tried to be calm because I didn't want to torture him I knew he was also suffering. I told him how much I loved him and that I will miss him very much and I promised him that he will always be with me. He was staring at my eyes so lovingly and I could only hear him saying I love you, I love you, please don't let me go... and so I said "Rinji, who is the most beautiful dog in the world?!" with a cheerful voice and he tried to stand up but he couldn't and I just took him in my arms and cried. His eyes also looked like they were full of tears. Then my dad came back home, and my mum did. And we were the four of us just like the first day. Then he looked at my father, my mother and then he turned his head to me and stretched his paw for me and I grabbed it. He looked at me with melting eyes and my heart stopped.... I knew he was saying good bye and couldn't believe my eyes, he really did!
It's been 23 days now and I miss him soooo much!!! He has been my brother, my child, my best friend, my everything and he still is. I have always thought that this could never happen to me, that we love each other so much that even God won't separate us but unfortunately this is life and this is the first time I have to realize it. One thing is for sure everlasting though -- my love for him. He will always hold the biggest part of my heart because I know who the most beautiful dog in the world is!

Rinji, my love, you are the most beautiful dog in the world!
I love you, I miss you, I kiss you!!!!
Forever Yours,
B.