In April, Max, my Gray and white lovable baby turned 2 on the 22nd. A few days earlier my oldest cat Mittens passed away very suddenly and I was prepared to have her put to sleep, but the agony of the choice was very grave. I had never had to make that choice before in my life. I hadn't lost a pet since I was a child. The morning I was to go say goodbye and ask them to help her die, amidst my guilt and grief, the phone rang. It was the vet saying she had passed in her sleep. I was devastated I didn't get to say goodbye to her, but did so anyway. It was hard. Less than 4 months later, I had to rush the "baby" Max to the vet as he was having problems breathing. Very soon after, I found out his heart was literally as big as I had always thought, but in a bad way. I once again was faced with a difficult choice. Have my baby of only 2 years put to sleep? Or let him live and suffer a long time first, just so I could live with him longer? When Mittens died I swore I would never open my home or my heart to another cat. But circumstances arose and I had to take in an abused and abandoned kitten of 4 weeks only a month after Mittens died. Max took the kitten under his (paw) wing and played with him, taught him, cleaned him, and loved him. When I went to the vet to say goodbye, I wondered how I could survive without Max. He was the sweetest cat I had ever known. He woke me in the morning with a gentle nuzzle (or sometimes jumping on my chest!) and gave me a "huggy" every morning before I left for the day. At 8 months old he broke a leg and I was a basket case. He soon healed with a pin in it, and was once again climbing onto the roof of the trailer and chasing dogs out of the yard. He never acted scared. Even as I said my goodbyes, with tears and sobs, he rubbed my legs and gave me huggy's one more time. Then he gently went to sleep with me by his side. I haven't been able to let go. I came home again with an empty carrier, and the kitten (Calvin) still looks sad and wondering where his best friend and brother is. He doesn't understand that Max was just a guardian angel who just came to welcome him into our home, and when he was safe, Max had to leave us. I cannot deal with this pain. But all the people with helpful websites have made it a little easier. I feel I am not alone in my grief. I will memorialize Max and Mittens tonight in the candle ceremony, and begin to find some peace in knowing that Max is with his big sister at the feet of Jesus tonight, watching us and purring. God bless you Max and Mitty. I love you, Mommy, Duncan, Tessa, Tucker, and "baby" Calvin.