She is my baby, my world, my fluffy buns, bunny boo, my Oreo. My heart aches to think of how special she was to me. I never knew my body would hurt so. Out of all the deaths I have experienced in my life I have never felt such a pain in my heart before. Everything I do reminds me of her. I can't even pick up the fur she shed just yesterday. I wouldn't dream of packing up her toys.IT still feels as if she was here. All I want to do is curl up with her in my arms, but I told her it was okay. I knew it was her time, although I still feel reponsible some how. Was there something more that I could do?
I laid her across my chest listening to her labored breathing, praying to God not to take her. Pleading with him, telling it wasn't her time. Little did I know it was her time. Slowly I began to accept what I knew was to be true. I had made the decision not to put her down, I felt it was only fair that she spend the last few hours in the comfort of her own home not in the cold office of some veterinary clinic. No. If she was to go I would be with, every step of the way. The vet gave her strong pain killers that made her feel no pain, if only he had given me some as well.
I took her home and made her as comfortable as I possibly could. I massaged her poor swollen tummy, wrapped her in my blankets and cried in complete agony. My baby was leaving me behind and I could not bare the thought. Anger, denial, and self-blame surrounded me, but as I looked into her dark brown eyes I felt a magical comfort there. Oreo seemed to tell me that it was going to be okay but she would not leave me until I gave her consent. I knew then that the last gift I could give her would be that of my simple blessing. For the next hour I reminissed about all the time we spent together, and cried my heart out. "It's okay," I told her, "you can go, I don;t want you to suffer anymore". At the conclusion of my blessing, she began to shiver. I asked my mom to be with me when she departed. As I lay on the couch we Oreo on my chest I prayed that God would have mercy on her soul and take her to heaven where I will meet her again.
Oreo shivered one last time, looked at me with five years of adoring love and took her last breath. I cried or hours and could not eat. My heart had been broken in two. I wrapped her little body in a pink blanket to prepare her for burial.
I still feel depressed and lost at times, although it has only been a total of 12 hours with out her. I never knew how bad it could hurt to loose a bunny. Very few understand how lost you can feel. They don't know that these little creatures are the joy of your life. Even through the pain I still can't wait to see her again when I go to meet God one day. I can only pray that she will be sitting there waiting for me with those same adoring eyes and fluffy black and white fur. She's happy now and I can also find peace in that knowledge.