I wanted to write and tell you that Tallulah died suddenly yesterday. I am so devastated right now. I am burying her today in the pet cemetery here, where I have other pets buried. She has been in perfect health (as far as I know) and is such a wonderful girl. She never ever did anything wrong, and was full of pure love and devotion. Anyway, yesterday early morning, I got a call from my sister Jan who told me that Tallulah was having a hard time breathing (with no earlier indication of anything wrong). I got the message shortly before 9:00 AM. I work in Amarillo which is almost an hour away from Dumas (where I live) so I asked to leave work, and immediately did. Jan had gone to school to take a final exam, and was not able to take Tallulah in to see the Vet yesterday morning. So, I drove very quickly to Dumas. I must have gotten there in 35 minutes. On the drive to get her, I had made some phone calls to my Vet in Dumas who was really busy with surgeries, and also to an emergency clinic in Amarillo that didn't actually open for another 3 hours. If I thought she was really bad when I got home, I had planned on rushing her back to the Animal Emergency Clinic in Amarillo, where she could get more efficient life saving treatment.

Sure enough, Tallulah looked horrible. She did greet me at the door, but was gasping for every breath, and abdominally breathing (straining very much to get every breath in, but unsuccessfully). Her lips, tongue, and gums were blue and purple, and I knew she was not getting enough oxygen. She was drooling very bad. When I saw her and got her into the car, I knew I had to do something immediately. I decided to stop at the Vet here first, just to see if there was anything they could do. I had taken my mom's oxygen tank into the car with us, and tried to hold a mask in front of her face as I drove. I thank God that I made it safely, because I was driving like a crazy person. I was so scared and sad. I felt horrible for her, and so helpless. She had never had any health problems to my knowledge, in the 6 years I have had her.

Well, the Vet here had JUST finished stitching the last surgery suture, and was available just as I drove up. They gave Tallulah some more concentrated oxygen to see if it would "pink her up" some more. I don't think it did. We took her into the back room, and they let her stand while taking a chest x-ray. The Vet had suspected a diaphragmatic hernia from the way she was breathing. I had suspected a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lung). The x-ray did not show anything at all, which ruled out the diaphragmatic hernia, but not the pulmonary embolism. She was getting worse by the minute. She gave Tallulah some benedryl and some dexamethasone, just to see if it could help. We were very helpless in the entire situation. After giving her more oxygen to boost her, I told the Vet I was just going to rush her to Amarillo and get some further help. She thought that was the best thing to do also, and recommended the place I already had in mind. So, Tallulah followed us out to my car, jumped in by herself, and off we went. We had not even gotten through the town of Dumas, and Tallulah grew very restless. She was making horrible, very throaty and guttural sounding moans all of a sudden, and let out a couple of unusual barks. I was driving like an insane person, trying to hold the oxygen in front of her face, and trying to talk to her and reassure her, telling her to hang on. I was praying, asking God to help me, crying hysterically, trying to drive, you get the picture. Thank God I did not have a wreck on Main Street in Dumas. She was dying in the car. It was absolutely horrible. I knew we were never going to get to Amarillo, so I turned around, turned on my hazard lights, and headed back to the Vet. I called them and told them I was coming back, because she was dying and I would never make it out of town. I asked them if they could intubate her. They were so very sweet during the entire horrible ordeal. I ran every red light, and stop sign. I didn't even care if the police chased me. I was not going to stop until I got back to the Vet, which is a couple of miles out of town on the other side of Dumas. She collapsed on the way, and stopped breathing. I was hysterical. I got there, and knew she was gone. They were ready for me and waiting for us. I took her out of the car, and they (the Vet and her two assistants) were so great. We put her on the table, the Vet put the tube down her throat and started giving Tallulah CPR and oxygen. She did not hear a heartbeat. I asked her to give Tallulah some Epinephrine. She tried to put it in the heart, and finally got it in. I knew it would not work, but would never forgive myself if we didn't try absolutely everything we could. Even if her heart started back up, she would not be able to breathe, but I couldn't fathom her dying. They were working so hard on her while I was there with them. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart, and told them it was OK to stop, and that I knew she was gone. The doctor apologized that she could not do more, and I told her I completely understood. I don't think there is anything anyone could have done.

I then took Tallulah back to the car, put her in the front seat (where she always sits) and drove home. It was one of the worst days of my life. I let Mom and Jan see her for a while, then I took her in to my bedroom, and laid her on the bed with me, where she always sleeps. I put her head on her pillow, and held her for a quite a while. The other dogs did not know what to think. They knew something was bad wrong. I finally fell asleep for a bit with her in my arms. When I woke up a very short time after that, she had began to get very cold. My heart was broken, and reality once again set in.

After I got home, Jan was awsome. She took off to the lumber and hardware store, and bought supplies to build Tallulah a casket. I made arrangements with my boss at the funeral home here (where I work part time) to get her buried on Thursday (today) in the pet cemetery where my other pets are buried. I am currently waiting for his call, to let us know when the grave is ready.

The casket Jan made is awsome. It has hinges and everything. She has always specially made caskets for pets in our family that have died. I put my favorite blanket in for the lining for Tallulah, and put her in it last evening. She really looks like she is sleeping. She suffered so much the last few hours of her life.

Thank you for letting me tell you my story. It has helped my sadness and made me feel like I am not going through it so alone (although my Mom and sister are here for me of course also - and Cyrus and Ms. Kitty). Life will be so different without her. She was only 7 years old, and I had always expected to have her with me until she was at least 11 or 12. We sure all take life for granted. It was a freak thing that happened. I am so glad I was able to be with her during her last hours. I thank God for the time I had with her in my life. She has been such a blessing for me, and I could not have asked for a better companion. She was perfect.