After the death my Little "Andre' the Giant" I kinda knew I'd be writing yet another Rainbow Bridge letter because he had 3 other siblings who, chances are, were not gonna make it in life either. But let me start from the begining, or at least MY beginning of their life with me. At the end of September I decided to be a foster for Judy. I've fostered before and that's how I wound up with 3 more cats in addition to my already adopted 3 cats of Leo, Lovie, and Leah. But when I tried fostering I couldn't give up those wonderful kitties I'd taken in now named Flower and Zaphod (brother and sister) and big black beautiful Beau Beau. So even tho I allready had 6 cats I still really wanted to foster so I went online and filled out an app., all the time hoping and praying I would somehow have the honor and privilege of fostering KITTENS. But I really never thought I'd be so lucky. So imagine my surprise when I got a call from PRBL asking if I'd be willing to take in a Momma and her 4 kittens who hadn't even opened their eyes yet. Of course I jumped at the chance all the while not beleiving my good fortune. Later that day I was brought a cardboard box full of Momma and her kittens who were abandoned at a Winn Dixie. Hence Momma's name of Windi. I took them all to my quarentine room, gave Momma food and water, and made her a cozy and warm place to nurture her charges. My, how this brings such a smile now to me now! How precious they were! So after a few days I met Judy at the Vet's to get Momma tested. I had an appt elsewhere to keep so I asked Judy to wait here at the Vet's and I'll return shortly. But before I could make it back Judy called me, crying on the phone, saying Momma tested positive for Lukemia. How devistating! Because this means it would be a miracle if the kittens, ALL the kittens, didn't have it as well. But even tho it would be a miracle you cannot lose hope. You just can't. So I watch the kittens grow, from first opening their eyes to learning to crawl around to learning to walk then run and play. And seeing them progress like this really gives one hope. Hope in a miracle. But then after two months little Andre' sounds like he's got a bad chest cold. Just having trouble breathing. And because this is not a Lukemia symptom I do think it's maybe an upper resperatory thing. But after a couple weeks of him not getting better I come home from Christmas vacation to find him looking so very bad, slumped on a chair and gasping for breath. I quickly rush him to the vet and they take him back but before they could do anything my little Andre' the Giant stops breathing. It was Feline Peritinitis, I'm told. A very fatal disease. And if Andre' has it, the other kittens have it as well, chances are. But still, I do not give up hope on any of them. Their is still a chance, if maybe ever so small, that one of them, or maybe ALL 3 of them, could still live a good and decent life! RIGHT? So a couple of weeks go by and now the other male in the litter, the Colonal, gets sick. But before he suffers I take him to the vet and they confirm Peritinitis, so now I'm stuck with having to make that dreaded decision. Do I give him some time to maybe get over this illness? CAN he get over this? And if he doesn't just how much will he suffer trying to do so? I can not tell you just how difficult and terrible it is having to make this decision. In my mind, there is no right decision. Either way you go is so wrong because you do not want to be the one to play God and end this wonderful animals life. And you also do not want to be the one to make this poor animal suffer any more than it already has. And if there's something I can't stand it is to watch an animal suffer, especially at my own hand, or decision. So what do you do? What would YOU do? I can only tell what I did and that is to not make him suffer anymore. So I told the Vet that if his chances are so slim then go ahead... go ahead and take this precious little kittens life from it and end his suffering for good. Knowing that there is no way I can witness this kitten take his last breath on this earth I ask the Vet to let me hold him one last time. So I take little Colonel in my hands and hold him to my face and whisper in his ear "I'm sorry, Little Buddy. I'm so sorry you got such a shit deal in life. And I'm so sorry your life was over before it really even started. And I'm sorry I made the decision to take your precious life from you. I only hope I made the right decision. And if I didn't I can only hope you will eventually forgive me. I love you! Please just remember I really did love you and I will allways, allways remember you." And with that I handed that little kitten back to the Vet knowing I will never ever see him again.