I have not written a story or poem, I just want to do this from the heart for the healing effects that I know it will afford me. I am a hospice bereavement counselor and this is one of the methods I suggest to the people that I counsel who have lost loved ones.

I first want to say that it feels good to do this on a website where no one will think "he was just a dog". My husband & I tried for years to have children but unfortunately because my tubes had been tied, we had 11 miscarriages and a tubal pregnancy.

Therefore, our MOJO was our only baby that we had together. (I had 3 children from a previous marriage, 2 of which are still with us in this world.) My husband loves them dearly, but they do have a loving father...so again MOJO was his only "child".

We loved him so much! He was as much a part of our family as anyone could be. He slept with my my oldest daughter during her high school years (she's 31 now) and when I would go to wake her I would find him snuggled up to her and she had her arm around him. She loved him dearly as well as he loved her. All I had to do is say "Jessica is coming over" and he would get all excited and wag his tail right up to the day he died.

About six weeks ago after having a large lump removed from his side, we were told by our Vet that he had cancer and it was all over. I was told that if it stayed superficial, it may be a year or two before he would die. However, if it spread to internal organs, it would not be long. About two weeks ago, his eating habits changed abruptly---this was a 95 pound pit-bull that LOVED to eat....and I want to say here that pit-bulls have gotten a very bad rap becuase of bad people who own them. This dog was afraid of his own shadow and he LOVED my grandchildren and they loved him as much!

As the days passed it was determined that the cancer had indeed spread to his stomach. I actually knew in my gut the first day he slowed down on his eating that this was going to be the end. I began my mourning then.

My husband, however, was in denial, and right up until the morning I went to put him down, he could not even say the words "put down". He kept saying: "he's just got a bug, it's not the cancer making him sick. "The night before I had him put down I was up all night watching him vomit and stagger all over our yard. He was also having diarrhea that was black which indiactes bleeding in the stomach. It took me describing this to my husband for him to agree that terminating his suffering was the right thing to do.

Mojo loved to ride in our Jeep and I had a ramp for him to "load up". However, it had become very difficult for him to walk up that ramp. I literally had to hold him to help support him (he was still 87 1/2 pounds). I loaded him up for what I knew was going to be the last time and did what I had to do. I prayed for the strength to carry out this chore and my Lord comforted me.

As he was injected, I held him and told him I loved him and that I only wanted to stop his pain. I felt as though someone was there ripping my heart out of my chest...much like I felt when I held my 10 day old son as he died in my arms. Yes I AM comparing it. I've experienced both and both were equally painful, in different ways. Oh how my heart still hurts! I held him and cried like I've rarely cried in my life---only at the loss of others that I have lost.

Now we have the chore of living our lives "post MOJO". He lived in our home, slept in our bed under the covers (head out like a human). I work on the road going from home to home comforting people who have lost loved ones. Therefore, I do my paperwork/clerical work at home. I was with him than anyone else. He knew me as "mama" and my husband as "daddy". He followed me everywhere and would even follow me into the bathroom when nature called. I would take him in the Jeep with me when I went to Wal Mart or to get a pedicure and lock him in with the AC on if it was hot because he would rather be in the Jeep waiting on me than at home alone.I had taught him to say I love you and I do and will miss all of that for a long time.

My sweet loving MOJO, I will cry for missing you for a long time! I hope to meet you again in Heaven as I believe that Our Father in Heaven is very merciful and loving and I believe that HE allows us that pleasure in paradise. I will see you again my love, until then my heart will always ache when I think of you because I wish that you were still here with me now.....Love, Mama.