I watched you as you lay in the corner trying to make sure I imbed your image in my brain. I didnt want to fall asleep. My eyes grow more and more tired no matter how hard I fought. I prayed to God again but for the first time in 3 months I said something different. I asked him to make your journey to him smooth and to watch over you till it was my time to join you. I thanked him for the 17 years he's blessed me with you and to please protect you. I finally went to bed but I didnt sleep. I kept staring at the doorway in case you came in. I had to make sure I was there even more for you in these last 3 days.

I tried to force myself to stay awake but sleep won until something woke me up at 4:16am. You weren't on the bed as you couldnt climb the stairs i bought for you. I felt your presence. I looked over the bed towards the floor and there you were sat there just waiting. I picked you up as gently as I could and placed you next to me in bed. I made sure you were comfortable and stroked your soft as bunny fur until you began to purr and I drifted to sleep again. I woke to the slightest movement of you. We layed in bed for a bit having our time together as you purred while i pet you. Again I made sure your beautiful calming purr that I've become so used to hearing for 17 years was recorded in my memory.

For the past 3 months I would wake at the slightest noise you made. No matter even if I was awake somewhere in this 3 story home, I would hear you and come running. So today was no different to be preparing your food around 6am. I heated it up a little and held the bowl as you struggled to eat while still purring. I stayed there with your bowl even when you walked away and did your pacing until you laid down in the closet next to Finster.

I slept some more and woke again to your calling. I tried to feed you but you only had a little and didnt want any water. I held you in my lap and cried. I kept telling you it's going to be ok, no more pain, but I was also telling myself. As I held you I continued to try to record the memory of how you felt, your fur, the feel of your paws and tail. I looked at your mouth and saw the sore on your gums seemed larger. I cried again and held you close. You wanted to pace so I let you go. Funny, how those 3 words, even in the literal sense makes my heart stop.

As the day went on the sinking feeling grew stronger and stronger. I went back upstairs to spend some time with you. I picked you up and brought you on the bed with me. I lovingly pet your belly as you began to purr. I cuddled you and you then climbed my pillow and wrapped yourself around my head. Something you haven't done in a long time. It was as if we both knew our time would soon end. I felt our connection even stronger now as we both fell fast asleep just like we used to do.

Hours later while I was at my Dr I recieved the confirmation that the vet will send you to Heaven at 4:30 on Friday. I couldn't get home fast enough. I wanted to cry, I wanted to hold you. My ears were tearing up so bad I could hardly even see. I finally got home and franticaly looked for you. My mind racing with a million thoughts and questions. You were in my room and I fell to my knees and held you and cried so hard in your fur. I can't bear the thought when i look at you now that we only have 2 days left together. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine my home without you in it. Without hearing you walking around or your purring oryou chasing Finster and me saying annnnd they're off! I can not imagine falling asleep without you as you are my security blanket. You are my calm, you made it all better after a bad day. You are the only thing that never left and was always there with me. You knew my deepest thoughts and are my little family.

Im sitting in the closet with you now again trying to imbed the shape of your head, your little ears and the little spot on the back of your neck. I know I have to be strong for you because in 2 days you will fall asleep in my arms for the last time.

...to be continued.

I went to sleep extra early so we could cuddle. Around 7am I opened my eyes and looked right at the doorway where you always walk in. It was about that time you would ask for your breakfast. Within a few minutes there you were with a faint meow. I got up right way to start preparing your food. As I was mixing it, the sick feeling the dark looming reality told me.. tomorrow. I broke down crying again, as the thoughts of your last meals, how you wont be there to sleep with me anymore, how you wont be here saturday, how I am going to wake up and look down that doorway, and you will never come. All these thoughts summing it up. We wont be together anymore. God I miss you already. My heart hurts. I want to tell you please dont go, please I beg you just get better. I kept hoping somehow the cancer would just go away and you'd be ok. I kept askign God for a miriacle. To restore your health. I begged from the first day I found out...hoping he would help us.

I now sit at the doorway with your bowl and your special heated critical care prescription diet. You ate a little. Then you walked back to the guest room. I'm just waiting for you to come back and what scares me is I know you won't soon.

I went to the vet this morning and paid for the dr to help you get to heaven. It was the second hardest thing I had to do. Tomorrow will be the hardest. I keep crying and the heartache I feel is tremendous. I came home and immediately went to find you. Again you were in the corner in the guest room. I picked you up gently and layed you on the bed with me and pet you. You looked in my eyes as your face was so close to me I could feel your whiskers against my face. You head bonked me. It was the first time my heart smiled for a moment till the reality came back. You let me touch your paws and rub your belly again and you laid on my hand. We are down to our first lasts. This was our last afternoon nap together. If I could ask god for anything it would be to restore your health. After we cuddled I got up to get some food for you and I. I heated up some pork chops and potatoes. I came back upstairs and shared it with you. You sniffed it and ate some of the potatoes. Then you walked back into the guest room. I even gave your sister finster some .

I did a few things that i needed to do, but kept going back up to you. Time was of the essence now as nightfall will be coming. I went back upstairs to bring you outside with me one last time, to smell the fresh air. You didnt seem to comfortable out there so I brought you back in. I layed in bed with you and stroked you gently. How I want to record every little bit of you in my memory, how can I make sure I will never forget. I brought my camera up and recorded a few little videos of you. Something i can watch and remember you even more. After uplloading them and charging my camera, I went back up to be with you. I carried you gently to the bed and layed down with you. You came up close to me again and began to purr. You bonked you head against me a few times and rubbed your against mine. I kissesd you 17 times on your cheek. One for each year we were together and another for good luck. You climbed on my pillow again and i looke dup at you and you looked down at me, your whiskers ticking my nose. No matter what this dreadful disease did to you, imade sure to tell you how beautiful you were.

As we cuddled the sky was getting darker. I could see your sillouette as I held you. Even then making sure I was to remember our last night together. You would get up a few times and walk on the bed, but then come right up to me and head bonk me. You even pushed your head under my chin. I prayed to Saint Francis to please escort you to the Rainbow bridge. I prayed for all the Saints to watch over you. I asked for God to assign you a place of honor for you have been my family, a faithful and beloved soul. I asked for God to please bless the hands that will send you to him , as they do so in love and compassion, freeing you from pain and suffering. I thanked God for the gift of you for 17 years. I cried again in your fair, I took in your kitty cat scent and I held you close to me. I know you know and I asked you to let go and that its time to go to heaven and I promise I will be there sooner than you know. Nightfall came and I want to stay awake with you. I don't want to sleep because i don't want to miss any moment I could have with you.. Lil Guy I love you moe than anything. Please understand I'm only doing this because I don't want you to suffer anymore. I can hear it in your meows. I see it when you eat. I know you are struggling. In the 3 months since we found out, I have watched your health decline, no matter how much I prayed. If I could make it better I would. I would do anything to have your health restored. I made a promise to you, when you were just a baby that I would take care of you and I promised you a happy life. You are a part of me. Please know that I love you and I always will. You are my best friend. You have been there more than half the people in my life and for that I thank you. Its nightime and Im scared. I know what tomorrow will bring. I am crying again as I write this. I don't want you to go. I don't. But I know I have to and you have to feel that otherwise you will fight it. No more suffering my Lil Guy. I promise you I will be right there with you, and I will always be with you too.

We drifted off to sleep just like we used to. I woke several times to make sure you were still with me. The last time I woke your paw was around my wrist and your head was in the palm of my hand and you were sleeping. No one knows the closeness that an animal can bring. The magic between the two of you. You were never a pet, you are my lil son. You always have been.

I woke up around the usual 6am. I prepared your last breakfast. My heart feels so heavy today for our 3 days are almost up. I pray the angels help you and the Saints and God watch over you. Please remember me and visit me until our time comes again and we can truly be forever.

I keep looking at the time and whenever I do I'm figuring how many hours we have left. I know soon it will go to minutes then seconds. I'm watching you right now you just ate a little and are now walking around my room. You just meowed. How I will miss you Lil Guy. I don't understand how God cures people with cancer why can't he cure you. I took some more pictures of you and I this morning also and I recorded you on my camera and recorded you meowing on my phone. I feel as if I'm waiting for a truck to hit me. We fell asleep again for the last time and you laid your cheek against mine. I felt the vibration of your purr against me how low it was and how it soothed me for 17 years. I snuggled you and covered you in your blue blanket to keep you warm. We woke up at 3:32. It was then that my heart sunk knowing we had only one hour left on this earth together. I cried in your fur and told you how much I love you and how you will go to the rainbow bridge and there will be birdys, and meadows, and other kittys and the warmth of the sun and just how beautiful it is and how we will see each other again, I promised you that.

My two friends Deyonna and Kris came to see you and spend their last moments with you and I. I held you close to me and pet you and kept telling you how much I love you. At 4:32 the Vet and her assistant walked in. I started balling because I know this was it. After speaking with her, or trying to speak, she told me the procedure. They would sedate you so that you were calm and happy, then they would shave a part of your fur and insert the needle. Im sure thats not all she said but thats all I heard. I just wanted to hold you. The Vet shaved your back leg and gave me your fur. She injected the sedation into your back leg, and left me alone with you for 10 minutes. I told you that it was all going to be ok and no more pain. I prayed outloud to Saint Francis and God and to my Aunt Sofia to watch over you and help you get to heaven. You tried to walk a little then you started to fall over. I caught you and laid you on your side next to me. I stroked your chin and you laid your head in my hand. You seemed to spasm a little bit but didnt move much. I kept speaking to you in a soft voice, telling you i love you and I'm right here. I promise I will never leave you. I said the Our father prayer for you. I said my goodbyes to you and told you we will meet again and that I promised you. You were completly relaxed. They came back in and she checked you to make sure it was ok. She asked if I was ready and I kissed you on your head and nodded. She injected you with the pink stuff and I held you close to me, still speaking to you telling you I am right here and its ok. I felt the moment you left, you took a little breath and your body went limp in my arms. I cried as I kissed you and thanked you for the 17 years we shared together. I prayed again for god to keep you and bless you. You head still laid in my hands as I shut your eyes. It was then that the reality set in that you were gone, when I lifted your paw, it was lifeless and limp. I felt your pads, how soft they are, How pink they are. I stayed with you on my bed a few moments still speaking to you, telling you once again how much i love you and I will never stop and how much you mean to me. After we were done, the vet came in again and I nodded that it was ok to take you. She wrapped you in a little blanket like a baby and carried you. I kissed you head and told you I love you forever even in Heaven, as they walked out the door with you. I stood in the doorway to my home just standing there, thinking they would just come back with you and you would be ok. I waited but it didnt happen. Your now in Heaven my baby, at the rainbow bridge and you are healed. I know we have that connection that I will see you even before its my time. But for now, you are with God and all the other kittys, chasing birdies and eating a million cookies. Thank you for our life together, thank you for being my best friend and most of all thank you for being my Lil Guy. Its me and you Lil Guy forever.. even in Heaven..

Lil Guy Graniela

Sept 5 1995- Sept 16 2011

"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be

seen or touched. They
must be felt with the heart."