Ludo was my little angel. He and his cage mate Kodo came to us unexpectedly as a favor to a friend who could no longer keep them. While he never really warmed up to people, he and I bonded instantly. He would follow me around, if I was sitting down while they were playing he would constantly come to check on me. Never really liking to be held or pet, but always making sure to touch his nose to my arm or leg as if to say "You know I love you right?"
We adopted them late September/Early October of 2008, and around the first of November we noticed Ludo wasn't behaving normal. He was very thin, not eating much, and dry heaving from time to time. So we brought him in for his first ever vet visit, and were greeted with some grim news. Ludo was diagnosed with Insulinoma. It is a common illness in older ferrets from mass breeders, that causes small tumors to grow on the pancreas and cause it to secret too much insulin, and while treatable is never curable. But it was possible with medication to give him a long happy life.
So with hope in hand we started a medicine regimen... much to his displeasure. And progress was made rapidly. His appetite came back with a vengeance. He gained almost a full pound with in 2 months, filling out to actually look like a ferret. We were so happy. Mostly me. He started playing, where as before he would wonder around and find some place to sleep, now he was jumping and dancing and having a good ol' Ferret time. And he seemed to be taking very well to his medicine.
As a birthday gift to myself I had been planing to take him to get professional photos of the two of us done on May 8, followed by a trip to the park to play in the grass since he had been an inside ferret his whole life I wanted to let him be outside when the weather cleared. But in late March we began to see a resurface of the dry heaving... worried we took him into the vet, who recommended playing with his dosages. We did and things seemed to improve, the dry heaving mostly stopped.. but he began to lose weight again, we were hoping against hope it was because summer was coming and he was losing his winter fat. His mood was still playful and he would romp and wrestle during play time. So we went on with things like normal.
Then at Approximately 11pm on April 25 we were woken up by a Screech. A sound so unlike either of the ferrets to make we ran out of the bed room to check on them. Ludo was standing by the bars looking as if nothing odd had happened. We took him out to check on him, he was very lethargic, but his eyes were still bright and happy. We got out his "Blood sugar Treat" which we gave him when he was feeling especially sick... he loved the stuff it was basically chicken mush, but he refused to eat, but he accepted the "Ferretone" offering. I'm pretty sure I knew then we were going to lose him. He struggled out of Chris' hands and hopped onto the floor, walking over to me to poke my leg. Then he proceeded to meander about the room, taking pause every foot or so to lay down. It was like he was telling us "Look I really am Okay! I'm just tired" I was sitting on the couch crying by that point and he came over and stood on his back feet to put his paws on my hand.
He just stared up into my eyes for a few moments before walking over to the kitty round and laying down inside of it. He watched sleepily as Chris and I put together the Animal carrier case, filling it with fresh soft bedding, his favorite blanket a water bottle and a bowl of Ferret Mush. We knew he wanted to go, it was time, but we still had hope that he would pull though. So we settled him into his own little condo, he nuzzled my hand as I put him inside and then curled up into his blanket. We draped a towel over the top to give him a nice dark comfortable place to be... and went to bed knowing there was nothing more we could do.
I dreamed of him that night, just one dream after the other. And at about 8am the next morning I woke up with a smile, I was holding the covers to my chest the same way I always held Ludo, and I had the strangest feeling of him being there with me. We pulled ourselves out of bed and went to check on him. I couldn't make myself, so Chris did for me. Ludo was gone, at some point that night he slipped into a coma and never came back out. Chris said when he first opened the carrier he thought he was still sleeping. He was still curled up in the blanket, with just his head barely poking out, with that silly happy ferret grin on his face. Chris reached in and gently lifted him out, he was still warm, and it took him a moment to register that there was no little heart going, he also noted later that Ludo's last act of defiance was to bury the bowl of food he gave him under a mound of ferret bedding. He told me "He's Gone" and I broke down, I held him for a long time, curled up on my lap, just crying. I couldn't help but feel like a big piece of me had suddenly gone missing.
So on April 26, we buried Ludo in the field behind my mother's house, he would have been about 4 years old. It seemed like a nice place, since I had always wanted to let him run in the grass... but the weather hadn't been quite warm or dry enough. I cried all day long.

The pain I felt that day has only dulled, but it is still hear with me, just writing the story has me in tears. He came into our lives when I needed a friend the most, and he loved me unconditionally, and with everything he had. He stole my shoes, and my pens, and my socks... but I got all of those back... But the thing he took the biggest piece of, is the one thing that I can't ever reclaim... my heart.
And every day I am so thankful that he loved me enough to say "I love you. Good Bye" He loved me so much, that he wanted me there, he wanted to wake me up and tell me that he was leaving, but it was okay because he was happy.

He wasn't with us for even a year, but he made an impact on my heart that will last forever.

So this post is dedicated to:
Ludo "Bones"
04/26/09
"Who loved and was loved to the extent of any heart. Human or Ferret"
Thank you for being my little guardian angel, for being my little fuzzy soul mate, for loving me with out question and for letting me love you. Thank you for telling me good bye and letting me hold you one last time. Thank you for being in my dreams and comforting me. But above all, thank you for Being. My life is better for having spent time with you.
I will always love you, you have a piece of my heart that no one else can ever occupy... you are missed and will continue to be missed.

I love you Bones and I will see you at the Rainbow Bridge.

Love,
Hannah