Never had I known that I would come across one as beautiful as my Honey.
My family and me decided we wanted a new cat, and we came across the perfect ad in the 'Friday-Ad' and we went to see them before deciding on one. We were all used to having cats around and we loved all our cats very much, but we had never had much luck with them. It was June 2003, and me, mum and my younger sister, Jessica reached the destination we found a cage with two black kittens, a cheeky little white kitten and the most gorgeous baby tortie/tabby kitten asleep in the corner. When I set my eyes on her I couldn't take them away. She was so beautiful, and so calm. Dad didn't want two cats, but we just couldn't choose between a female black kitten and the one I so desperately wanted. We phoned Dad and after a LOT of persuasion he decided we could take both. I had never felt happier. I disturbed her from her sleep, but I told her she could sleep when we got to her new home. When we got into the car, we placed both kittens into their case. I remember this event like it was yesterday...We arrived at Pets at Home to get the last few bits for the new kittens. We had only bought enough for ONE new arrival! Mum left me alone with the kittens and took Jessica into Pets at Home with her. She told me not to get the kittens out, but the innocent eyes tempted me too much and I gave in. I opened the cage, carefully. I made sure it was only my kitten that came out. I sneaked her, and I had to be careful or else Mum would be mad. I gave her a kiss and a cuddle before I spotted Mum returning with a bag. I gently put her back and closed the lid.
When Mum and Jessica got in the car, I said "Tamsin." That's the name I wanted to give my kitten after Mum had said she liked it. We decided to call the black one Jinx, and then I was persuaded to name my kitten Honey (Bond Girls). It stuck and it suited her. She was sweet and I loved her already.
When we got back we fed them, and we took photos. Honey was a lover of her food and she always shoved her sister Jinx away when she came for the food. It wasn't nice but it reminded me of what I was like with my sister...always taking advantage and getting the bigger half!!
She loved her sister in the beginning, she would share a bed with her and wash her and make sure she was alright, but Jinx changed. She rarely stayed in the house and she loved the great outdoors. She was the opposite of Honey. Honey was a house cat and loved to be around people. Jinx preferred catching innocent prey and coming in the house when it suited her. I remember when Jinx came in the house each morning after a night outside and Honey licked her ears. I looked it up and its because Honey 'owned' Jinx and tended to her each day to make sure she was alright. They always remained close though.
When we moved from Eastbourne to Trowbridge we encouraged the cats to go outside more often. We forced Honey to the end of the garden and shut the door, and because she was unaware of her new surroundings, she came sprinting back...head first into the clear door, not realising it was shut. Bless her.
When I was 10 years old (when we got Honey) I had developed a sense of affection for animals and I loved to make them feel happy. I hated seeing animals in danger. It was my dream to become a vet, but now I've realised it's definitely not for me. I taught her myself how to sit and beg for her food, and I was in the process of teaching her how to lay down but I wasn't successful. Honey and me had a close relationship and I named her Honey Beezer Cattalina and everything I did was for her. She used to sleep on my bed and I would get her treats and sneak her ham and chicken roll when my parents weren't looking. We officially (in my eyes) became 'Furry Friends' in 2004, I wrote it in my diary when I was 10. I also noted in my diary the time Honey sat with us and watched Power Rangers on our television, 'Honey likes Power Rangers! 31/1/2004.' We were a pair and we were best friends. When I needed someone to talk to, confidentially, I always turned to her. She made me smile. She made me feel safe and she always helped me out. I wish more than anything that I had helped her more when she needed it. She always did crazy things. And she slept in strange places too. One was the sink, the bin and she also slept in an ambulance box half her size!! Her favourite place to sleep was her 'cubby hole.' It consisted of a draw with a large space beneath it and a warm blue blanket. She only left that hole if she desperately needed to so I customised it for her with little pictures to make it more 'homey.' My dad got fed up with it and one day he smashed it to pieces. I couldn't believe it...Honey loved that and it never did him any harm, but he destroyed it anyway saying it was 'old' and 'useless.' Honey soon found another few places to sleep. These were the printer and the fish tank. Yes, strange, but that is what Honey liked to do. She loved attention and she loved having her picture taken. She was very photogenic.
My sister and me played 'cubs' with Honey and Jinx. It was my favourite memory of us four being together like we were really parents with our daughters. Some days we would play Jessica as being the father panther, and me being the mother tiger. Most days I was Tiggeress the tiger and Jet was Midnight the panther. Honey was my tiger cub and Jinx was Jessica's panther cub. They didn't like it much but we played with them all day and never got bored of it. I wish I could do all that again, I remember feeling so excited when Jessica and me decided to play cubs. We played it outdoors too, and we used the Barbie Scooter as transport for our role-play and Honey was seated on my lap. I made sure she never fell off, but she hated it. She always looked so frightened.
One thing of thousands that I loved about Honey was that she acted like she didn't care about me. She would blank me when I gave her love sometimes and she wouldn't come over when I called. However, when I bought a westie puppy named Alfie, I gave him all the attention and she didn't like that. She showed that she was jealous by ignoring me whenever I had been near him and by sleeping on my sister's bed instead of mine. Honey never liked any other animals in the house, sometimes she would even lash out at her sister for no apparent reason. She loved to hog the attention. I knew Honey had changed when we got Alfie. She wanted her Mummy back and I knew it. When we decided to get rid of Alfie I had her back. I cried about the loss of Alfie but inside I knew Honey came first. She was back to normal within a day and I had my little baby back. Jinx ran away. Honey missed her being around but she got over it fast. We all cried for Jinx but at the end of the day, I had my baby and that was all that mattered to me. Selfish, I know.
She got lost once, when we moved to Trowbridge. She was gone for a few days, a few weeks, I can't quite remember. All I remember wondering was 'Is my baby alright?'. We put posters up but we never got a reply. One morning she staggered into the house smelling of garbage. I was crying with joy. She began to eat at the leftover food in the bowl and then she tried to eat the bowl itself! She was so hungry and she must've been through a lot. I used to give her baths. Cruel. I realise that now. But I only did it because I thought she needed help to clean herself. When she got spayed, she came back bloated and unwell. After that, she developed a lot of flab on her belly and she became lazy. She couldn't reach her tailbone so she couldn't wash it herself. She loved being scratched there. Another thing she loved was having a good claw at her scratch post. She's the only cat I've known to completely destroy one. All our other cats barely touched it and took to the carpet instead. Sleep was definitely her top priority. I wrote her a daily routine once. It consisted of 'Eat, Sleep, Poop & Scratch.' She got more exercise eating than she did walking around. For her birthdays it was tradition to make her a 'tuna cake'.
In 2007, I decided to free her from our stressful home in Trowbridge and give her the better life with my Mum. Honey was happier than I had ever seen her. She was able to come and go as she pleased, eat good quality cat meat, sleep in peace and have a bed to herself without it being damaged or destroyed. She took to sleeping on a black bean bag with her blue blanket that she had practically grown up with. Mum was pregnant and when she gave birth to my gorgeous baby sister Jemma Keane Funnell, Honey wasn't important anymore. Mum wouldn't let her in the house because she tried to sleep in Jemma's bed. Jemma came first and I understood that, but I couldn't help feeling sorry for my baby who would sit outside the front door and plead to be let in, just for a little while. When I came home from school I would sit with her and make her purr. I loved her and I hated seeing her locked outside her own home. When we moved to Manor Road, Corsham, she escaped from an open window when my Mum wasn't watching.
We thought positive. 'She'll come home when she's hungry' we thought. How wrong can you get? Days went by. Weeks went by. Weeks turned into months and months turned into tears. I missed her, but after around 6 months I had gotten over her and guessed someone had taken her in and she's happy with them. She was beautiful, who wouldn't have wanted her? I always told myself that if I saw a cat like her wandering around, starving, I'd have stolen her. I'd never seen a cat so unusual, and she was so friendly with people so I imagined she would've come up to somebody else for food. I told my mum at the beginning to look for her and put posters up, but we always felt we had something else on. I shouldn't have stopped pressuring. I should have done it myself. Why was I so selfish and lazy? Honey was ALWAYS there to dry my tears, why wasn't I there for her? Why didn't I help her when SHE needed it?
12.12.08
We were about to settle for dinner, but Mum got a call. She couldn't quite make out what he was saying but he said he had hit her cat and she was dead. She burst into tears as she told me, and I froze. I instantly thought 'I'm getting my baby back. She's coming home!' I definitely wasn't prepared for the upcoming events that followed. I grabbed my shoes and I darted down the path faster than I ever had. I was looking for her, hoping she would see me and know who I am. I nearly stood on her, I was so careless.
There she was.
Helpless.
I could see she was dead and the minute I set eyes on her I cried. I hadn't prepared myself for the worst, I believed she was safe and at home with someone else. She looked so perfect, it looked as if she was just sleeping. However, the harsh truth was that a car hit her on the A4, just outside our home. She was so close.
I had to carry her home. I was crying over her and telling her how sorry I was and that I love her with all my heart. I couldn't stop telling her I love her. I was hoping my tears would bring me a miracle that she would wake up and meow at me like she used to. My little baby was gone.
Im crying about her now. But I know that she is safer now than she has been for the past 7 and a half months. She must have hated life in the outside world without her Mummy and family, without her blanket, without her cuddles and food. Ive got her collar and it's in tatters. I can see she hasn't been happy and she's been missing us back at home.
I blame myself for her death. I should have been there for her, I should have tried. Ive had to learn the hard way and I will never again me so careless about someone I love.
I know she's watching over me now, and Im glad we've got her home. We buried her on the 13/12/08 and it was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life so far. She was stiff, frozen solid, she didn't move at all when I lifted her. She felt so heavy and so dead. I thought to myself that she would wake up and make me laugh and dry my tears. But it didn't happen and it never will. Im never going to feel her nuzzle or her fur ever again and I hate it. I just want her back. She is buried in our garden and we are going to create a small memorial for her like I already have in my room. I am going to add to it and be sure it remains there for a long time. I promised her that. She was innocent and she needed me but I didn't help her. I feel so stupid.
I just want her to know that she will forever be in my heart and in my memories. Im writing this so I can read it when I'm upset and know that no matter what, she's right there beside me. Although her body is gone, her soul will always remain inside me.
I loved her from the beginning and I will love her forever. Honey Bee has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and she is with Lucy now. Honey will always have what she wants up there, a bed, food, comfort. But why didn't I make a big deal out of it when she was missing? Its because you never know what you had until its gone.
I love you baby. Please forgive me for what I did to you. I'm so sorry for not being there when you needed me. Rest in peace my beautiful darling. I'm carrying you everywhere I go and you will never leave my side, I promise.
This was her story. The life of a cat so beautiful I couldn't keep her for myself.
In Loving Memory Of Honey Beezer Cattalina
31.4.03 -- 12.12.08
The one cat that I have ever loved as my baby and truly meant it.
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