by Ivonne Glez
My sweet Bella,
The day I decided to look for you it was because I was in a huge depression. Just moved to Dallas from California and was feeling lonely. I had been feeling that way for about 3 years and figured that having you would make me feel better.
I was at work, and had been looking for you online for about 2 months. Finally, I got on a pet store website and saw an adorable puppy. After debating with myself, I decided to call the pet store and make an appointment to go see that puppy. I was nervous and excited ! I got to the pet store and they brought you over to me.
Hey! That’s not the puppy I saw online!
You worked you magic! OMG! You were crazy! You pulled my hair and ran in circles all around me. You chewed the tennis ball they gave us to play with, you chewed my high heels… while I was STILL wearing them! You were insane! Just what I needed. You are perfect for me!
After playing with you for about an hour or so, I asked for your adoption fee. OMG! Too much for me. I almost cried when I had to give you back to the pet store employee. He asked me something I will never forget, “Will you miss her when you wake up?”.
Next day I thought about you while I was at work and decided to go for it! I drove back to the pet store eager. Would you to still be there? You were still there! I saw your beautiful big brown eyes! “She is mine!” I told them, but, in reality I think I was actually yours. We filled out the paperwork for your adoption and off we go.
I brought you to work and even my team fell in love with you! Such a crazy little soul.
Next day was a Sunday, we were lazy all day. It was so much fun having you every morning.
Bella, you were my partner in crime, you were my companion. I remember reading that a dog’s heart literally beats for you. I guess that’s why I loved hearing your little puppy heart beat every night while you were cuddling with me.
Our Sundays were epic! Just two lazy girls sleeping and eating all day. I no longer felt lonely. I finally had a reason to come back home every day. When I got off work I remember being eager to get home and see your little face like saying “hi momma! I missed you all day!”. Oh Bella, I really hope you know how much you mean to me. I really hope, you know how much you are loved!
Do you remember our first trip to the park? It was only a few weeks before the worst day of our life. You were so happy running around plants and playing with mommy. We took so many cute pictures and just enjoyed our time. It was also funny because I remember that I was feeling a little awkward because you were the only puppy in that park that did not know how to properly walk on her leash. But I was aware that you are a wild little soul, therefore… how can I expect you to even want to wear a leash?
We went to the park a couple more times after that… trust me Bella, I hold those memories of our days at the park in my heart. It’s like I relive those days in my heart every day.
Our last trip to the park was just two days before it all happened. I remember that for the first time ever I rolled down the car window so you could peek out. You LOVED it! You were so happy, baby! So exciting! On our way to the park we were at a red traffic light and a car stopped beside us, the man in the car saw your little face and said you were adorable said you brightened his day! Bella, you brightened the day of every person that would come across you!
It was a normal day, I was heading off to work as every morning, and just like every morning… you and I fought because you didn’t want me to leave you at home, you wanted to come with me.
After a long day at work, I came home. As soon as I opened our apartment door I knew there was something wrong with you. Usually you would storm your way over to me to say hi. You would throw a 10 minutes party because mommy was finally home. This time, it was different. This time… you only kinda said hi, but, your strength wasn’t there… there was no 10 minute party because mommy was home. I remember we cuddled that night and I had a full conversation with you. I asked you to please not get sick, I asked you to never leave me.
I woke up at 03:30 AM, there was something wrong with you! We went to the vet and my world… our world came crumbling down. You needed a blood transfusion or you would not make it. Oh Bella, for the first time ever I felt so much fear and panic. For the first time ever I was being confronted by the fear of losing you. After a long day at the vet’s office, you finally came home with me.
We were laying on the bedroom floor, just staring at each other. You might’ve not known then, but I was counting your every breath and your every heartbeat. I was praying and begging God to please let you stay with me. Remember I even offered you treats and told you that if you stayed with me I would give you treats every time you wanted and as many as you wanted? You wouldn’t even have to “sit” or “stay still” to earn them… mommy would just give them to you if you stayed by my side.
You took your last breath and just went to sleep. My heart broke, I wanted you to come back. I wanted you to stay with me. Bella, please!
I know you are in a better place, I know you are in the rainbow bridge playing and running around in beautiful green meadows. But, here on earth momma misses you every day. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering if someone fed you, if someone gave you fresh water, are they rubbing your belly? Is someone telling you how much they love you?
Bella, I am so sorry baby! If only I knew you were not okay earlier…
Just want you to know you mean the world to me. You helped me in my darkest days, you were my sunshine! Just seeing how happy you were made me feel like I had done something right. You also taught me to appreciate life while we have it. Appreciate the little things, treasure every single memory. You confirmed that there is no such thing like a coincidence, the day I walked in to that pet store God already had in his plans that we would meet. I didn’t find you, YOU found me!
Fact is that the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is to give you back.
And to answer the pet store employee’s question: “Would you miss her when you wake up?”– Yes, I miss you every single morning, I miss those brown eyes and that little nose of yours!
Bella, if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. Till we meet again my little love.
Forever in my heart,