Her name was Teddy i named her that when I first got her cause when she was a kitten she had the face of a teddy bear. I got her on my 10th birthday. She was a really pretty (at least imo) tortoise shell cat. She was an inside cat up until I was 12. Then we moved out to the country and dad said she had to be outside.

One day I came home from school (I was around 14 or 15) She was crying and couldnt move. She had some how broken her hip. We brought her in and let her heal. She seemed to heal just fine except sometimes she would walk with a limp. She lived in the garage from then on out. That is until I got my first apartment with my (now ex) boyfriend

. She loved it there. We werent allowed to have animals but we kept her hidden pretty good. She finally, after 8 years of living in Minnesota cold winters and warm summers, felt warmth. At least for a few more months, until we broke up. Then I moved to my bestfriends house. She came with me and lived in the bedroom that I stayed in at her house. She would sleep next to me on my pillow.

then I met my fiance. I moved to be with him. Leaving her behind. I only wish I hadnt. I didnt realize how important she was to me up until these past few months when her health started deteriorating. My dad brought her down last summer when he came to visit me. She had been living outside at my best friends house up until then.

the first few months she was happy. Then we got a dog. She hated other animals. But she mostly stayed in our room.

Then her health started going. I noticed she was eating and not keeping it down or gaining any weight. I brought her to the vet. The vet said her kidneys where failing. She gave me some medicine (that i couldnt afford and put myself more behind in bills for it; but it was worth it to have another few months with her) then told me to check up in a week. I brought her back and they said she was getting better. My fiance then said that we wouldnt be able to bring her back cause we just couldnt afford it (Im the only one working atm)

this is where i feel like its my fault. I could have done something anything when i noticed she was getting worse again. I could have saved her life maybe. But I didnt notice until it was too late. A few days ago i noticed she wasnt touching her food. I noticed that she could barely stand or walk and when i moved her from my side of the bed she fell over. I held her her one night and let her drop a short distance to the floor and she fell over. Thats when i started getting really worried.

then two nights ago i tried to get her to eat. Eat normal cat food, eat her cat treats, eat the food the vet had told me to feed her. She wouldnt touch it. I went to bed and woke up and found that she had wandered into the bathroom.

She was laying down, and twitching. I pet her. she cried. So i did what i could. I grabbed a blanket and folded it up. then set it in a corner of the bathroom. Lifted her (she cried even more) and placed her on the blanket. She stayed. I went and got her food and water. She still didnt touch it.

then I broke down. Cause i was realizing that this was probably my last day with her. I spent as much time with her as i could before I had to go work a 12 hour shift.

Right before I left I kissed her on the head. Told her Im sorry. Told her I love her and pet her behind the ears (Her favorite place) a little bit. Before she started crying out in pain again. I ran out the door before I decided to not go to work that night.

I came home this morning. And looked for her place where she was laying in the bathroom. She wasnt there. My heart broke. I went to my fiance. He told me she was gone. I broke down again. I found her body in the place where we keep wood. On a shelf. Wraped in a blanket. I lifted her body. And winced. She was stiff. I uncovered her. Then quickly placed her back and ran to the room crying.

I just didnt want to believe it until I saw it.

And I still feel like its my fault. Feel like I could have done something more for her. To keep her with me longer.

But is it bad that at the same time i feel a little relief because I know that she isnt suffering anymore. That Im already planning to plant a flower ontop of her grave. That Im going to take her collar and hang it on my rearview mirror. I feel horrible about that too.

She was my baby, my kitty, my first pet.

I will miss her dearly R.I.P Teddy (2|27|2013)