Dear Bailey,
It was spring 1996 when I met my co-worker in the parking lot at work on a Saturday. He had told me his friend's cat had kittens and that I could have one. I had been wanting a kitten for months. He said he picked out the coolest one. He was right. When I walked over to the car, you were under Kevin's shirt, digging your claws into his stomach. My new little baby kitty with little black spots on your face and paws. Your ears were too big for your head and your paws were pretty large for such a little guy.
I took you back to my apartment and you hid behind the couch immediately. "The Boyfriend" said to leave you alone, that you would come out eventually, but the next morning I pulled you out. After that, you never hid again.

I remember your first visit to the vet. Standing on the metal exam table, you reached up and put your paws on my stomach as if begging me to get you out of there. There were a lot of vet visits since then. Some more heartwrenching than others. I always wanted the best for my baby. I would do anything for you.

When Scott and I broke up/he kicked me out, of course you came with me. You were mine. There was no doubt about that. That was one of many moves you made with me. Back home with mom and dad, you met Simba. I can't say that you guys were friends. You would "allow" him to come upstairs for short periods of time before chasing him back down again. We were only there for a few months before moving into our own little place. Just me and you. A couple years later, we moved again. This time you had to deal with another cat, Nikki. A bit of fighting, but for the most part, you guys got along.

I was working at the Muskego Animal Hospital then, and would bring home the adoption kitties over the holidays. I didn't want them to stay there alone. One cat in particular stole my heart, Max. I took him back after the holidays, but ended up adopting him that same day. Well, he kind of caused a little turmoil in a house that already had two cats. But you were a pretty laid back guy and it didn't seem to bother you.

Again, we moved. Me, you and Max. Max kind of took over the dominant role, and I always felt bad about that. You were just a big old sweetheart and put up with it. You guys meant the world to me. Through all the bad times, and there were many, you were my sunshine. Wanting a bigger place with more privacy and less noise, we then headed to Sussex. Four years here now.

This January, things started to go downhill for you. I had no idea at that time how horrible it would all turn out. You were throwing up all night long, so I took you to the emergency vet the next morning, New Year's Day. Not a good way to start the new year. It was a sign of things to come. You got better - until March - when my world came crashing down. I took you back to the emergency vet once again, not ever thinking it was going to be the end for us. I thought you would get better, and I was prepared to do whatever it took to make that happen. There wasn't any amount of money I wasn't willing to spend. You ended up having to stay in the hospital for days and days. Some people might have thought I was being selfish, or stupid, for fighting for you for so long. To me, I felt like you deserved every chance in the world. As long as there was still hope, I was not going to give up on you. The doctors tried everything to help you. I was a complete wreck. Not eating, taking pills to sleep. Spending as much time as I could visiting you. Finally, it got to the point where there wasn't anything left to do and I told them I wanted to take you home. I'd care for you there. I got all your meds and instructions from the vet on how to take care of you. I knew your stay at home would be short. I had no idea how short. When you came home, you tried to act normal, darting from your carrier over to your food dish. But you didn't eat. I carried you upstairs and you layed down on the bedroom floor. You weren't breathing right. And at that moment, I knew I couldn't put you through any more. I told Max to say goodbye to you and at 9:45 pm took you back to the hospital. I didn't call anyone. I couldn't believe I was about to do this alone. I held you in my arms, waiting for the doctor to come in and end your suffering. I cried so hard. My baby, my sunshine, was about to leave my life. I only had minutes left to cherish you. I hoped you understood. I hoped this was what you wanted, you needed. My heart was ripped out of my chest that night. You took a last gasp and suddenly my life was empty. My heart was broken. Like nothing I could ever have imagined.

Max still looks for you in your carrier, which I haven't had the heart to put away yet. He still sniffs the spot where you last layed. I still look at the stairs expecting you to come waddling down them looking for a snack. My little purrmonster isn't there when I go to sleep anymore. You're not there in the morning yelling at me to hurry up in the shower so you can get fed. You're not there after work greeting me. You're not staring up at me when I'm sitting on the couch eating, hoping I will toss a morsel your way. Baby, I'm so sorry you are not here with us anymore. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry if I let you down.

It was you and me for 12 years. People and pets came and went. Through good times and bad we were together. You were and still are my baby, my best friend, the most perfect example of unconditional love. I miss you with all my heart, Bailey. You were my little angel sent from above.

I Love You,
Mom