It has been almost a month since he left me and the pain is still so great. He was 14 1/2 yrs old. Costello was a lab/husky mix. All black with a white spotted nose and white chest. He had the prettiest blue eyes. I called him my handsome boy. Over the past year I had seen signs of my buddy slowly getting old, sleeping longer, taking long to get up and down. But I didn't want to believe it. He was always a picture of health. Never visited the vet since he was a puppy. I think he would have little seizures, staring off at the door when I would open it and start to shake a little. Just thought he was getting old. I didn't take my family on vacation this year because I worried about both of my dogs. Abby is 13 1/2 and she can't walk to good. She needs to be carried outside and pretty much lays all day. But she is a pistol. Barks when she needs attention, wants food or needs to go outside.

Well, we were going to go away for the weekend when my wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said I think Cos had a seizure. She said he was shaking and drooling. Not my boy I wouldn't believe it I told her he was just dreaming and running in his sleep. Well the next three weeks it became evident. He would sneeze and a few drops of blood would occasionally come out of his nose. He stopped barking, would not greet us, never wagged his tail again and worst of all he would not accept my affection. During the night he would pace aimlessly sometimes for an hour. I would try to settle him but nothing worked. It broke my heart one night to find my Costello "stuck" in a corner. He was just standing there and couldn't figure out how to get out. He kept doing it more and more. He was eating but losing weight. I assume from all of the pacing.

I still had hope. We set up a vet appoint me on 8/12 to see what was wrong with my buddy. The Mon before, my wife called and said you have to come home Costello had a seizure. I walk in to find him laying in a pool of drool just panting away. We rushed him to the emergency vets and they said it sounds like a brain tumor. We could have done and MRI, brain surgery and chemo. I couldn't do that to him he was 14 1/2. Since I was crying so much they gave me some medicine and said see what happens in a day. I watched him all day and he just slept. After I gave him the medicine I went outside to cook him a hamburger, I came back in 5 min later to find him on the floor again covered in drool and panting. It's almost like he didn't want me to see him like this. He never had one when I was around and I just wanted to be there for him.

His last night was a tough one. He woke up around 2 because he starting to pee. I took him out he finished up. When I came back in I went upstairs to clean up but when I came back down he fell again and urinated all over himself. The rest of the night from 2-6 he walked and walked. Anytime he would lay he would wimper in pain. When my wife and kids woke up I told them I know what I have to do. He finally fell asleep on me and woke up around 1:30. his appoint was at 2. We cried all morning and just kept petting him and kissing him.

The hardest part that I am dealing with is the fact that I had to make that awful decision. When I took him to the vets he seemed okay but when I took him in the room I told the vet through my tears that I knew what I had to do and I couldn't put him through another night like last night. It was a peaceful end and my buddy actually laid in my arms the entire time.

I miss him so much and the guilt and regret are eating at me. Did I do the right thing? Will I forget my buddy? I think I know the answer in my heart but I have never had to do this in my adult life. I know a lot of you have gone or are going through this. The more I talk about the better I feel.

I will miss him deeply and I know I will see him again. I am so grateful for this website and the Rainbows Bridge story. Even though I cry when I read it, I can picture my strong healthy Costello running with his ears tucked back mouth open and tongue hanging out coming to see me. Until then I will continue to care for his "sister" Abby and remember the great times with my buddy Costello.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this.