'Fraid I'd short-circuit my electric blanket with the tears I cry
from missing you. I'll never sing to you again. You're dead and gone. You were more than a friend. You were my companion. A child, even. I love how we'd snuggle. All this I remember when. There were so many good times,too many to count. But now that you're gone the light has been put out. Am horrified by what I see / Your still form beneath me / I crumpled down and cried. I thought God would give you more time. We had so much fun together. Why was it altogether severed? Three months have gone by / And I still cry. More so now than ever. Wonder why? Didn't think this would happen so soon- no,not ever. Tryin' to get by with tears in my eyes just doesn't fly. Try to get on with life / Don't know what else to do. You little furball-

"I MISS YOU!!"

...............................................

There's gotta be a way 'round the corner / Give of yourself / Now that's a tall order. I keep seeing your little dead face in my mind. Now that's an image to leave behind. It horrifies me. Death over here has no glee. You were so full of life...so, so young. How is it you have none? If there is a Heaven for pets - is it true? Then I really wanna be with you.

How am I gonna get through the next few weeks? Give to others; that's for keeps. But right now I can't sleep. Sheep are all dead, just tossed in a heap. I hate to be so morbid but cannot stop crying. Of a truth this is, I am not lying. When am I gonna get better? When will life get back to normal? When will I think of you again and smile? It can't always hurt this way. But it sure feels like it. Thought I was okay. Don't know what to say. Mourning paves the way to a better day (or so it seems).

You were the best. More personality than all the rest. Died so young- what was I to do? Know it's not my fault but I can't help missing you. Momma Cat seemed to be looking for you the other day. I couldn't stand it; wanted to hide under the covers and sleep the day away. [Actually I did!]

Can't go on like this. Am in so much pain it feels like bliss. I wish I spoke Cat-anese. You'd know my desires were not appeased.

"C'mon Ash, we're going to- Oh,No!"

Slipped away into what I hope is Kitty-Eternity. Waiting for when you could be with me. Then I thought, you might miss me too. And I feel so bad I wish I could tell you. But I think you know. You were very happy here. How is it that you are far and not near?

I know you loved me; I could tell. Your eyes said it all too well. They say your spirit lives on, but I can't play with you anymore. Life is such a chore. You were as cold as ice and stiff as a board. Just hours before, you were in pain- But at least alive and crying out for no more. Oh, it rips me apart- to know you were crying and lost your heart. At least you didn't suffer- Well,long,anyway...

Feel like I'm dying myself. Wish there was a better way. Maybe you left early to avoid the pain in the coming days. If that's true then I forgive you- Even though I don't have your bottle caps- They're with you. * (Remember how we used to play catch & throw them and you'd bring them back to me? What other cat plays fetch! With a bottle cap!)

Kinda wish I kept some of your toys. You were always such a pretty boy! I taped your pictures to the inside of your box / So they could see how beautiful you were / Instead of just a skeleton without a trace. You were larger than life and enlarged mine,too. Ash- what in the world happened to you?

Didn't write this in my diary. Wanted to, but couldn't. Was wondering if I shouldn't. They say it's good to get it out. But I feel worse than before. Am numbed by missing the one I adore.

Will these tears ever dry up? Really can't see when. But when I do I'll have achieved a state of Zen.