I decided to work from home the afternoon before. I was worried because you seemed out of sorts and wanted to monitor you. You rested all afternoon while I worked, just like any other day when I would work from home. You hadn't been eating much so the vet recommended you have some chicken mixed in with your kibble. Daddy did that for you and boy did you gobble it up! I also gave you your favorite vanilla ice cream treat, which you also thoroughly enjoyed. Satiated, we took you out to go potty and then brought you upstairs to the bedroom where you relaxed and rested. That night you were snoozing on the bed while I did my homework and watched TV. Every once in awhile you would wake up and lift your head to see if I was still there. You were coughing some, and it sounded painful and fluid-y. We gave you your usual medications for your heart and cough and we turned out the lights.

But for some reason I could not sleep. I stayed up and watched you sleep. You only coughed a little bit. I counted your breaths and they were within the normal limits. You were sleeping with your eyes slightly open, which was something new. I was upset and cried a little in the bathroom. Then I posted a status update on Facebook asking for prayers for you, that you didn't seem your usual happy self and you weren't eating very well. This was at 11pm. I was able to fall asleep a little bit after that.

Daddy took you out twice that night. Once around 2am and again at 5:15am. That last time he took you, he said you peed and then kind of laid down near it. This wasn't normal. It was starting to rain. He brought you back inside and back upstairs. He told me your breathing was a little fast but he attributed that to your anxiety over the rain - you were always fearful of rain and storms. Daddy said you stayed on the floor to go back to sleep.

We awoke at 6:20am. Daddy got out of bed and found you lying on your side next to your bed. You had passed away sometime in the last hour. Daddy put his arms around me and told me you were gone. I screamed and cried and ran over to you to kiss and hug you. I felt terrible I wasn't right there with you. We had no idea that your passing was this imminent, but apparently it was your time and your little heart was done.

The morning you passed away, a Tuesday, it rained a medium, steady rain. Like the world was mourning your loss. I couldn't help but think that if you were here with us, you might be agitated by the rain, but it really was soothing, like the rain fit the situation. You had left this world and the world was crying. Your daddy and I were so incredibly heartbroken that we'd lost you so suddenly. We kissed you, hugged you, and then wrapped you carefully up in a blanket a close friend had made for you and a towel. You hung out in one of the pet beds until it was time to take you away. When we put you in the car to take you to the vet, your little brown tail was sticking out of the towel. This sort of comforted me and saddened me all at once. After we brought you on the last trip in the car to the vet (who were also very saddened to hear of your passing. They loved you very much, and that includes Dr. Martin and Dr. Sayer over at CVS), we filled out some paperwork to get you taken care of and brought back to us where you belong. You will also be happy to know that I have arranged for us to be close always but having you put into a necklace I will wear. That will be such a comfort to me. When we got home, we initially walked around like zombies and didn't know what to do with ourselves because we missed you so much. We looked at pictures of you and a very special video. We talked to friends of ours who'd been in similar situations. We talked about how we are going to remember you and about our most favorite memories of you. We talked about how you would look down at us from the stairs into the family room to see if we were there, then you'd come bounding down the stairs. Once you saw us, your ears would perk back as you headed straight our way. Daddy and I went out to the backyard and thought about how much you liked it back there, how you'd sprint over to the other side to do your business, lay in the sun, sit up on the swing with us. The spot where you always went to pee is still there and daddy and I decided to get you a memorial stone to put there. We thought you'd see the humor in that :) but the stone is really nice. Daddy picked it out. The rest of the day was spent reorganizing things around the house and us watching endless comedy shows for some sort of laugh. We organized all of your collars and meds and other things that belonged to you in a drawer. We plan on going through that when we're ready. We gave your leftover food, chew sticks, milk bones, and Beggin' strips to the vet, so they could donate it to a shelter or to someone in need of them. We thought you'd like that since you were once in a shelter. I couldn't eat much today, just a few bites of soup but I tried. One thing I'm so happy we did is we asked all of our friends and everyone who knew you to please toast you tonight. I think many people did this, including us, so I hope you can really feel all of our love! You were SO very loved, Penny, and by so many people across the world. You truly touched every single person who met you. That is a very special quality and I am honored to have been your mama. Well, I will always be your mama but you know what I mean. Oh, one more thing: we also had a candle lit in your memory all day long. Daddy and I brought it from room to room so it would always be with us.

Oh, baby girl, there is so much that I am going to miss about us. I am going to miss singing silly songs to you. All of your nicknames. Snuggling into your neck. Your manic kisses all over my face. Your cute little howls when we got home from work. Your wagging tail, always such a happy girl. How you'd stand on your back legs and flap your arms to get a treat. How we'd pretend to say what you were thinking. How we'd make you throw up gang signs. How you'd lick your front paw and the paw would just flap back and forth. You made us laugh so much and for that I am so very thankful. How I knew if you were not feeling well because you'd go outside and start eating all the grass, in order for you to puke it up. I'll miss car rides with you being so excited to look out the windows or coming up to the front seat to sit on my or daddy's lap. Your need to burrow under everything -- bedcovers, blankets, pillows. I'm going to miss taking you to Bruster's for ice cream and having everyone love on you. I'm going to miss you always needing to wedge in between daddy and me. Cuddling with you. Asking for kisses and you giving them. Your snores. Your puppy dreams. Your big brown eyes.

I will love you always. Until we meet again,

Your mama.