The first time I saw him the hair in the middle of his forehead was sticking up all Spiky like a punk rocker. I have to admit, I have never chosen a name for any of my companion animals as quickly as I did with Spike. He was a tiny little thing -- fit in the palm of my hand, and he was chasing a much larger Dachshund (Teckels as they call them in Europe) about the room. Spike it was and he has lived up to that name his entire life.

He never had any fear of anything except fireworks and thunderstorms -- but he would just bark like crazy when he heard them.

He loved everyone and everything (except visits to the vet and groomers, which he tolerated, and was always the perfect gentleman). Except every now and then, he had to display his authority, and God forbid the unknown passerby dogs that I displayed too much affection to! He has growled at and challenged many huge breeds of dogs (his little 4 pounds against their 100s!). A Great Dane, Bouviers, Doberman Pinschers, German Shepard's, Rottweilers, Pittbulls, etc. He just did not seem to think of himself as a little guy. One thing is for sure, he was a little guy, with a huge guy's heart, body, and soul.

Never in my life have I encountered a dog so human, and with such an expressive face as Spike's. Every single emotion that a human can display on their face, so could Spike. He knew how to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted anything, and would not take no for an answer. Spike was definitely a one of a kind dog that put his tiny feet down, and demanded to be seen and heard whenever he felt it would get him what he wanted. Several times, he had me so worried as he seemed so depressed and sick. I would take him to the vet and all of a sudden, he was miraculously healed. I discovered that the little rascal would do this to me in order to keep me home from work so I could be with him! He could win the Academy Award for all his performances to win my love, attention, and whatever else he wanted.

None of my other companion animals stares at me with love the way Spike always would. He would just lie on the floor and stare at me for hours with overwhelming, unconditional, all consuming love. Some of the cats and the other dogs will stare at me sometimes in this way, but Spike was always staring at me -- not taking a glance away from me. He reminded me of Eddie, the little Jack Russell Terrier on the show Frasier. Eddie was the companion animal of Martin (Frasier's Dad), who lived with him. The only difference is that it annoyed Frasier when Eddie would stare at him, and he would complain to his dad -- "Dad, he's doing it again!" His dad Martin would say -- "stop staring at him", Frasier would say, but he is staring at me -- Martin replied -- "I was talking to the dog"!

I will miss his large, beautiful eyes looking at me like no other animal ever has in my entire life. I will never be able to get his adorable little face looking at me with such love and affection out of my memories. All I can see now is his little face looking at me, and then, think of one of the many funny little things he would do like rub his little head against my body, and then look up and me, and then start rubbing his little head again -- it was silly and always made me smile, laugh out loud, and cuddle him so.

Yes, those eyes -- those amazing eyes that allowed me to look so deeply into his soul.

I have been beating myself up lately thinking when is it time to do it? He would start to go downhill, and I thought I do not want him to suffer -- is it time? Then, as only my tough little guy could, he would look at me alertly with those eyes, and I could tell that he was thinking do not give up on me yet, I am not ready to leave you. He would pull himself up, and display to me that no way, I am not giving up the fight yet.

Friday night at 12:30 a.m., I was sitting on the couch with him in my lap. All of a sudden, his tiny body just went limp -- I CRIED AND CRIED, SPIKE, SPIKE, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME YET!!!!! However, just as Spike lived his life by his defiant personality and rules, this is exactly what he chose to do. He decided that it was time to leave me, and I know that he left me exactly the way that he wanted to -- in my arms, holding him so lovingly. I held him all night until I had to take him to the vet the next day where I arranged for him to be cremated and his ashes returned to me.

In all of my research of animals, I read that especially when a dog that is a member of a pack dies, it is best if all the other members get to see their body in order for them to grieve properly, and have closure.

I saw a special on wolves a couple of months ago (hard to believe, every single breed of dog in the world are derived from these magnificent, noble creatures) and, a coyote killed a member of their pack. The rest of the pack mourned their member's loss for two months!

A strange and eerie silence has taken over our place. There is an overall mood that is indescribable. The pack is mourning their eldest member, Spike the very first dog that I ever adopted in my life that was able to spend his entire life with me. Even the cats are quiet, come to me as if to cheer me up, and are very respectful over the loss of our family member.

There will never be another Spike. Everyone who has spent any time with him loved him, and he loved them back. He truly was the most special, and amazing dog that I have ever encountered in my life.

Spike, my precious little guy, I love you so completely much and will miss you forever. I hope that you are happy where you are, and I am certain that you are with Sadie again. Take good care of each other until I am able to be with you again someday!

Always My Love,

Mama