At the beggining of May 2010 my mother found a small, starved cat at her house.She was wearing an old,ragged collar and was eating leftover bread my mom had put out for her birds. My mother took her up to my dads vet clinic. We named her Josie. We found out she was heavily pregnant. We kept her well fed and as comfortable as we could. She was so skinny and having those babies inside of her took all her energy.

On may 31,2010.....6 little angels entered the world. Josie was so proud of her litter.Over the next couple of weeks we noticed one kitten wasn't growing very fast.He was white with dark tabby spots on both of his ears, his side, and his tail was tabby as well. The other kittens were growing so fast and were knocking him off his source of milk. So I would take his mother and him and put them in a box by themselves so that he could nurse and get he nutrition he needed. I did this every day, 2 to 3 times a day. As he grew older he still stayed unusually small. But he grew just as playful as the others. I would play with him by myself because his siblings would get too rough with him and he was to small to take it.

When the kittens turned 8 weeks old,I took the little guy home. I named him Jasper aka Jazzyfur.He was an amazing little kitten.He was my little shadow. Always following me around, wherever I went..well, wherever I went that he could get to. When I sat on the bed he threw a fit because he couldn't jump high enough to get up there! I had a paint can by my kitchen cabinets for him to hop on and he would sit on his little paint can while I washed dishes, meowing to me as we carried on. our own little conversations. I would lay in the floor and hed be right beside me, wiggling his tush and then climbing onto my back, proud of his new perch. He brought me joy each and every moment of the day. I dreaded going to work because I would rather of just spent the whole day with him. I had never met anyone like him.

Over the next month Jasper grew a little but he was nothing compared to his siblings. I just figured he would always be small.I had my sad check his heart to make sure he didn't have a heart murmur, and his heart was fine so I didn't have a worry in the world and was so glad my little man was okay.

In september, I came down with the flu. The whole time I was sick, Jasper layed with me. He rarely left my side. I eventually got better. A few days later I noticed Jasper was looking extremly thin. I watched every move he made so I could see if anything was out of the ordinary. He would eat a bite or two of food, and drank a little, but it was nothing compared to his usually pigging out.When he layed on the couch, he seemed weak. When he got in the litterbox, I watched him and I was terrified when I saw he had explosive diarreah.

I took him to my dad's vet clinic. I couldn't stop crying. I knew somethng was terribly wrong. My dad immediately put him on IV fluids. it was so hard to watch a needle go into his tiny little arm. We gave him fluids every few hours. At one point he started looking better. I had hope he would recover.

That night I let my mom take him home so dad could continue to give him fluids. I went to their house so I could spend as much time with him as possible. I wanted to be there for him when he was sick like he was for me. I had to. I felt so guilty. Why hadn't I noticed something was wrong. How did he get so dedydrated so quickly and WHY didn't I notice? I remember sitting in my mothers kitchen. she was trying to get him to eat.He sniffed the food, but wasn't interested. Then he turned around, so tiny and weak, and slowly made his way over to me,trying to crawl in my lap. I burst into tears. He couldn't even climb in my lap because he was so weak. I helped him up and held him. I held him from 5 pm until 10:30 or so. He purred a small little purr non-stop until he finally fell asleep. I didn't want to leave....I eventually put him into his carrier gently so I wouldn't wake him. I gave him a kiss on his little head and told him I loved him. I told him it would all be ok and that I'd see him in the morning.Then I left.

I went home and could not sleep no matter how hard I tried.So I did the one thing I knew how to do.I prayed long and hard. *Dear Lord, Please help my little Jazzypurr. I love him so much. Please help him get better. Please ease his pain*.............

I got out of bed an hour before work the next morning and was getting ready to grab my keys and head out the door, head to the clinic and see Jasper. Then I heard my phone ring. My heart stopped. I slowly walked over to it and saw the name *mom* flashing across the screen. I didn't want to answer it. I thought maybe if I didn't answer it, it wouldn't be real.

I hit *talk* and said "hello?". On the other end of the phone I heard my mothers voice say my name with complete grief in her voice. I immediately started crying and could only squeak out "he died...didn't he..?." She told me they went down to give him fluids at 2 a.m and he was barely breathing. He died in her hands a few minutes later.

It was so hard to come to terms with what actuallyl happened. For a long time, I blamed myself. I kept replaying the days in my head and thinking of what I could of done differently to stop it from happening. I would have dreams that I did those things differently and that he was still alive.Then I would wake up and reality would hit me hard again. I fought with myself for the longest time. I finally told myself..."Jasper is in heaven. Theres no way a soul so pure,so angelic is just..gone..gone with nowhere to go.like he never even exsisted.Then I heard of Rainbow bridge, and I believe it.With all my heart and soul. I believe that Jasper is waiting for me. During the midst of all this someone told me that animals don't have souls, and started giving me all these reasons why they didn't. I believe that anyone who can say something like that hasn't had an animal that they dearly loved. They are just like us. Except they don't lie,cheat, or steal. Their hearts are pure and true. Always.

Jasper's ashes now rest in a personalized cedar box in my living room curio cabinet, sourounded by photos of him and a portrait I painted of him. When Everytime I see his mother I see so much of him through her eyes.I miss him so much. I would do anything to have him right beside me right now. Its been 3 1/2 months since I lost my little angel. Theres not a day that goes by that I don't think about him,or faintly hear his meow in the back of my mind.I often wonder who he'd be today... Knowing that someday I will be able to see him again helps me cope. When I visit rainbow bridge, my little Jasper will be there waiting...sitting on a paint can, ready to be right by my side as we cross over to Heaven's gates. I love you Jasper. 5/31/2010-9/15/2010