She was a present for my birthday when I was 22 and she came into my life like a whirlwind. She chewed on the woodwork and peepeed on the carpet in our first apartment. We bought our first new TV and she chewed the cord in half the first week. That was Niki. If she thought anything would steal attention away from her she found a way to steal it back.

She was small, black, and furry, and she melted my heart the moment I saw her in the group of puppies excitedly trying to get my attention first. She was the runt of the litter. Smaller than the others but full of mischievous energy. I still get the same warm feeling in my heart when I see her today that I did that first day. Soon it will only be in pictures that I see her. Today is the day we have decided to do the unbearable. We don't want to wait until she is suffering and for all we know she is suffering now. She has always been strong. Through some very tough illnesses in her life she never complained. When she was so weak that she didn't have enough energy to walk outside to go potty, she still pushed herself so hard to greet us when we came home that she passed out. That was a tough time, but this is tougher.

She grew up on the east coast of Florida. We used to take her to the beach and she learned to jump into the waves when they came at her. She loved to swim. We moved into our house with a pool three years ago and she swam every chance she got that first Summer. If we opened the sliding glass door to the pool she would run out and stand at the steps and wait to hear if she was allowed to go swimming. We would throw her favorite blue ball out as far as we could and she would paddle out to get it and bring it back for more. We had to decide when it was enough because as far as she was concerned that game would go on into the night. Last year she swam but she would stop when she got tired. This year she ran out to the pool when Summer came, but when she got in she was too weak to swim, so she got out and ran around the pool instead. We knew it wouldn't be long. That was the first thing she loved that she gave up.

When Niki was two we decided to get her a sister because she was getting more and more depressed when we would leave the house for work in the morning. Well, she was not pleased. We brought Tasha home as a puppy and luckily Niki was outgrowing her chewing phase because she did not like the competition. Remember the TV Cord? It didn't take long though, before she discovered that Tasha knew how to play tug-of-war, one of Niki's favorite games. That was the beginning of a great sisterhood. When we got Muffin, our third little girl, we didn't know that Tasha was sick. But she died less than two weeks after we got Muffin. Niki and Tasha had ten great years together before liver cancer took her sister away and she grieved for about five months. Even though Niki was not really interested in her new sister, Muffin would sit next to Niki and lay by her on the sofa. Niki was never a touchy, feely, huggy dog but she didn't move away from Muffin. I think she secretly wanted the companionship but didn't want to show it. Muffin, had to make it on her own until Niki finally came out of her depression and gave Muffin her first kiss. Now it is Niki who will be leaving us and hopefully Muffin will be okay as an only child.

When Niki was probably about five years old, we discovered a ball that she couldn't chew up. Raquet balls were her favorite new toy and she would chew on them for hours. Daddy came up with a game where he would lay on the floor and she would stand on his stomach as he threw the ball back and forth from hand to hand. She would leap into the air and try to catch it, climb back up on him and do it again. He called this game beruff, because every time he threw the ball he would say "beeeeeeeruff" and Niki learned to jump on the 'ruff' syllable. Those raquet balls were always with her. As soon as we said "let's go outside," she would run around looking for her 'blue Ball.' It didn't matter how badly she had to go potty, she wasn't going out that door without her blue ball. Saturday we played ball and she would do her best to run after the ball but she had to walk it back to us. She only chased it three times before she was done and couldn't play anymore. Now she won't play with it at all. When she gave up the ball we knew our time was growing very short.

Niki had a lot of allergies growing up. Oh the things we tried to stop her itching. She was on prednisone and Benadryl as a last resort for a while. We changed her food after having her allergy tested and there were so many allergies that I could not find a crunchy treat that she could eat. So I went on the internet and found a recipe for "Crunchies". They were made with cornmeal, instead of flour, and tuna. And she and her sister loved them! Whenever I was baking them they would both sit around the kitchen waiting for a hot crunchy to come out of the oven. Niki loved to eat but she was never greedy or pushy about it. She would just sit quietly by the refrigerator until one of us would see her and give her a carrot. Eventually her allergies diminished and she was able to eat normal food so I had stopped making crunchies for some years. I decided to make her some crunchies recently and she seemed to know what I was doing in the kitchen. She came in with her nose in the air and waited for the them to come out of the oven. She even did some of her old tricks which we hadn't had her do in a long time. She sat, shook her paw, and rolled over just to get a crunchy. When she turned down a Crunchy yesterday that was the third thing she gave up on. We knew it was time.

She has been with us for almost sixteen years now. Not nearly enough. But then it would never be enough. Today we will help her go on to a better place. Last night she didn't sleep well. She seems to have trouble getting comfortable and I can hear the faintest whimper sometimes when she is breathing. I was planning to go to work today and then come home to say goodbye before the vet comes to the house. I couldn't go to work. The thoughts of her being alone in the house, today of all days, just wasn't going to be possible. I will just be with her today until Rick comes home and then we will have the vet come to the house and put her to sleep. It is hard even to write the words. I can't hold back the tears for very long anymore. I have been crying on and off for three days, but I know we have to do this. Oh Jesus help me, I don't want to do this.

Niki, my baby, I love the way your fur feels on my cheek, I love the way you smell, and I love the way you look into my eyes. You love me too. I'll never forget you! I love you Nikaroni.

Love,
Momma