I lost my oldest boy, Fred, just a short two weeks ago. He was 16, had some problems, so his time was drawing near and we, myself and the other three dogs were prepared for it. I came home one day and found him in the yard, he had suffered a stroke but was still alive. I rushed him to the vet and through tears and goodbyes, he quietly left me. I cried for days afterwards, even though I had been crying for days before, knowing that I wouldn't have him come summer time.

The last few days, a long weekend from work, I was out in the yard almost all the time. Princess, now the matriarch at a lovely 11 years old was busy watching the two youngsters, Ruby and Tater play fight. Their favorite pasttime it seemed since Tater arrived two months ago. I had got him right after losing my other oldest dog, George, in early February. That too was an "expected loss". You know what I mean when I say that too. We are as prepared as we can be, heart wise, mentally......as we can be, though still tough.

So Tater had come into the fold, so to speak, and was giving Ruby a run for her alpha dog money. I got Ruby, let me say, I found Ruby, last summer, running wildly down the middle of a busy street, covered with matted hair, skin and bones and scared of her own shadow. I finally got her worn down, after an hour's chase, and got a leash on her. COvered with fleas, ticks and just a real mess. In heat to boot. Took her to my vet and he said she had already had a litter or two of pups, though she was probably barely three years old herself. We took care of that the next week.

As she adjusted to this household with three very large dogs, Ruby was a Schnorkie mix, she was pretty quiet those first few days. All of a sudden this alpha dog sprang out of her that I couldn't believe! She immediately took over, "yes queen Ruby, whatever you desire your majesty". She never left my side. Never took her eyes off of me when we were inside or outside. A constant companion in every sense of the word..."uh Ruby, I am trying to do my business here, leave the room"....she would sulk on the other side of the door til I came out.

She loved to dress up and go to the doggie spa and get bathed and clipped and was the perfect little pooch in the doggie chair. A great attitude, very full of herself, but oh so loving and sweet when she wanted to be. As I lost George then Fred, Ruby cuddled closer at night on the pillow. She was such a good gurl.

Today I came home from work and wondered why no one was scratching at the back door. As I opened that door and looked out, there lay Ruby on the deck. Dead. I screamed and ran to her trying to figure out what had happened when I saw it....I had forgotten to take off her little choke chain after our walk yesterday afternoon. The ring had fallen down between the boards on the deck and she got caught. Hot Texas sun and a her twisting around and around trying to free herself, God, I know it was horrible. My fault too, no matter what anyone says. All my fault.

My little baby gurl is gone and I feel like I have murdered my own daughter. So sweet and good and such a kind soul. Oh my angel Ruby Cubie Patootie gurl, I will miss that sweet face. Those ears, those precious kisses and you riding next to me every Saturday and Sunday going for coffee. Everyone knew you at the Starbucks and they will be heartbroken too. I had you for less than a year, but my heart feels like I had you forever. Angel gurl, Mommy is so sorry. So very sorry. I love you Ruby and always will. You keep Fred and Georgie in line til me, Princess and little Tater get up there and we can all play catch together again. Kisses for you Mommy's baby gurl, kisses.