I will never forget the worst night/morning of my life. August 1, August 2, 2008. Who would know you were going to leave me, too soon. It was storming that night, and you came in all wet, from outside. Not really like you to stay out in the rain. You were panting really hard, and then you tried to throw up. There was that horrible sound, like you couldn't get whatever was in your stomache to come up. You went back outside and Daddy followed, checking to see if you ate something in the yard. Now looking back, you wer acting very odd, trying to hide behind the shed. But after a while, things calmed down and you seemed to be getting better, but were moving around alot. Daddy had to get some sleep and I stayed awake until after 2 am watching over you. You seemed to be restless, but wanted out on your front porch that you loved so much. I put you out on your leash, and then you went down the steps to the end, which is as far as the leash would go, and i came down and undid the leash to see what you were trying to do. You walked out towards the road, which you never did, knowing you were not allowed out that close to the road. (Now looking back, we wonder if you didn't know you were leaving us and tried to get away like some dogs do)But you finally went and laid down in the side yard and after a while, you came back up on the porch with me and laid back down. You rolled over and cried a little, and I felt your belly and knew. You cried when I touched your belly. These were the symtoms of bloat. I awoke Daddy and told him to take you immediately to the Vets.I stayed here with Denali and Mickey, your sister and brother, and Daddy drove you an hour away to a 24 hour vet. Hours went by and I was sick with worry, did not want to sleep. I prayed you would be ok, you had to be ok. I still did not know what it actually was, but knew as the time went on to the early hours of the morning, it was not good. Daddy came home around 6:30 am with no Shadow in the car. I raced downstairs and saw his look, What is wrong with My Shadow? He said Shadow has Bloat. I immediately hit the floor, and cursed myself for not taking him sooner. All the symptoms were not clear. He had upset stomaches in the past, this did not seem a lot different. I was crying, very upset, thinking, Oh god, I didn't say goodbye to him or anything in all the confusion. He couldn't walk real well down the steps to my car when My husband took him so he took him out the front and I just wanted him to get him to the Vets as soon as possible. My husband sat down with me before getting ready to go to work and said The vet thinks he will be ok, but they will have to do surgery. They were getting ready to do the surgery as soon as my husband left to come home. They thought they could do the surgery, and he may be home that night or the following morning. I couldn't stop crying. Why Shadow,why now? I had just recently been given my clear on my cancer, Shadow being one of the reasons I fought so hard to get better. Shadow was our WHY for everything, as my husband put it. Every day I would say, Honey, what did we ever do to get so lucky to have Shadow for 9 1/2 years, the best years of our lives? I would say, how does one wake up every day, and look at that sweet face, and fall in love all over again, day after day. My husband and I both knew I was smitten with my Shadow. He could turn the worst day into the happiest, just by being. He could not leave me now. I was just starting to feel better and get all of my strenth back and we had Fall and vacation to look forward to. Fall was my favorite time of the year with my Pups and Winter was Shadow's, as he was a snowdog, through and through. I learned to love winter through Shadows eyes, and wanted it to snow so much for him. So, my husband left to go to work at 7:30 am and at 7:52 am, i received the worst phone call of my life. Shadow's stomache was completely dead, and there was nothing the vet could do. Please do not kill my dog, I yelled as I fell apart. My whole world came crashing down. Shadow will have to be euthanized, there is nothing we can do. I told them to not do anything until I called my husband. I fell to my knees and screamed Why? Not my boy, the true love of my life. I called my husband and he told me to give him the Vets number. He would leave work, and go there immediately. I remember calling my mom and my in laws. I don't recall the messages I left, I know I was hysterical. I could not lose him. He was everything to me. My husband called me from the Vets. Honey, I have to say goodbye to him, they are going to let him come out of Anesthia so i can tell him goodbye for me and you. I will tell him how much we love him, and how brave he is. No, this cannot be happening. This sweet and oh so gentle soul, why did it have to be this way. My husband said he would bring home our boy and we would take care of him the way we should. I don't remember much after that until he arrived home, one last time with Shadow. Shadow was already gone, but his sister and brother needed to see him and smell him, so they would come to some type of understanding that their big brother was gone. They seemed confused and not sure what was going on. I laid down beside my Shadow on the floor, just kept patting him and kissing his face. How was I ever going to live without this boy of mine? I was so sick with grief. We had to bury him at camp, where he loved. I know he would want to be there. That is where he was very happy and peaceful. I cannot get over the what ifs. The vet believed his stomache attually twisted sometime in the afternoon on Friday, before I got home from work. I can't seem to forgive myself for not going to the Vet sooner. Maybe I could have saved him, now I will never know. And why didn't I, in all the confusion, tell him when he left goodbye, that I loved him, and that he was such a good boy, just like I did every other time I left him? It has been 18 days, and it is getting harder. I cannot begin to even heal, when I cannot get past the night and morning of the worst day of my life. I miss him so much. Nothing I do right now matters or has any meaning, and I cannot fix this. I am so lost without my Shadow. We had such a special bond. He couldn't have been loved more than if he were my child. His sister and brother are both awesome dogs as well, just not as loving as he was. He was so very special, even more than I ever realized.