I miss Brandy. That, I cannot deny. Nor can I deny the peace I finally feel. Though her body's no longer here, I still feel as though her spirit lingers within me.

I hear her morning dance.... these circular thumps she would make... and see the gleen in her eyes saying "you're up! you're up! Now, let me out to potty." ... or seeing her still curled into a tiny ball on my sweater by the open closet door. I smile as fresh tears well in my eyes.

For the first 20 hours.... all I could do was cry. All physical strength drained from my being such that even standing up hurt. Once in a while, my mind seemed to clear but for the most part, raw pain gripped my being. She is gone....
~~~~~~~~~~

I was first alerted Friday night around 9:30 pm while sitting at the CHIC auction: church fundraiser for students to attend the Christian conference this summer at Knoxville, TN). I had wanted to see how much my driftwood shelf and the dog house would sell. Before my items came up, Adrianna, a fellow teacher, summoned me away.

"You need to come. There's been an accident. Karis (another teacher) and Kira (my roommate) are in the car."

"What happened? Brandy?"

"Just come"

Furrowed with distress, Kira's broke the news. "I came home, let her out to potty. I don't know. She must have gotten too close to Aurora (Shelly..another teacher's dog). The leash extended or something."

"Did she make it?"

Kira shook her head.

"Can you take me to her?"..calmly I requested.

"That's what we're here to do," Karis responded.

"She's laying on her bed now," Kira informed.

Remaining externally calm from years of training, my mind screamed.... . and screamed in anger and shock wanting to cast blame. My eyes stared out the window seeing nothing. That calm stance lasted until I knelt over Brandy. Through uncontrollable sobs, I gently picked up her slightly limp body. Rigor mortis had begun to creep into her limbs. Running my fingers slowly over her body, I inspected her wounds: severed right femur, crushed ribs, mushy intestine and four punctured wounds. A drop of urine trapped in the tip of her vulva hair while feces lingered by her buttox. Using one clean wipe at a time, I attempted to clean and remove blood from her golden fur. Seventy...maybe 80 lb Aurora's traps had apparently snapped my 3 lb Brandy from behind.

Trying to piece the sequence of events, I asked Kira to show me where it happened. Donning our coats, we trailed the road by our complex and stopped within Shelly's yard. There by Aurora's bone glared Brandy's blood. Like a scarlet silver dollar, her life drained into the snow packed ground.

Like pieces of puzzle, the story began to unfold. As usual, Brandy went out to potty. First she peed, then seeing Aurora absent from her usual post by the house, Brandy's "queen of the universe" attitude and curiosity overrode caution. She entered Aurora's domain to sniff her bone before relieving her number two. Angered by that violation of her territory, Aurora darted from her dog house. Brandy only had enough time to turn her head before the fatal snap.

Hearing the chain's rapid departure, Shelly stepped out her door to find Brandy on the ground with Aurora standing over her. Eyes open, Brandy "just lied there looking. She didn't look like she was in pain." Quickly, Shelly ran over to tell Kira of the incident. As Kira carried Brandy back, poop fell from her. Laying Brandy in her bed, Kira began to make phone calls seeking help. Each time Kira called out to Brandy, "she would turn her head. She just looked like she was resting. She didn't look like she was in pain. Within like maybe 10 minutes, she stopped responding."

~~~~~~~~~~~
At 12:25 AM...Monday morning, it's been over 48 hours since her death. I can honestly say that I feel miraculously at peace and well. In the midst of the pain, I wondered if the sorrow would ever pass. I do not recall the last time I wept so bitterly, so hard, and for so long such that all strength drained from my body and my whole face seemed to have swollen shut.

The turning point came Saturday afternoon when I brought Brandy's body back into the house from being outside to really say good-bye. With fresh wails, I brushed and gently caressed her ....wishing I could have spent more time with her that day...wishing I could have been there during her last dying moments.

In the spirit, I saw her barking and jumping on Jesus' legs as He picked her up into His arms. She licked and licked His fingers then chin. "She was very happy with you, Ming. You took very good care of her." He comforted with approval. Little by little, my sorrow ebbed to comical memories of Brandy's quirks. We, I and the Lord, laughed at this little bundle of joy. "Thank you, Lord, for the years we shared together. Good-bye, Brandy." She has served her purpose for this season of life.

~~~~~~~~

Yesterday evening, 24 hours after Brandy's death, Jeff, Donna, and I drove far and high to bury Brandy. Through out the ride, I thanked the Lord for such love from Him and my dear friends here. Symbolically, my heart rests here for eternity... above a hill that overlooks the village, the beach... awakening to daily sunrises and sunsets. ....becoming one with this beautiful land of the Lord's Beloved: Unalakleet, Alaska.