I am lost.
The silence and stillness is palpable.
It is stifling.
It is suffocating.
It is not a feeling that you can live with for long: the mind is not open, or ready, for that.

There is no happy wiggling body at the door when I come home,
No sweet brown eyes,
No gift of a much loved toy.
No squeaks, or whines, or joyous barks.
Just an empty doorway.....
and no need to walk tonight.

There are no tags jingling,
No toenails clicking on the floor in the kitchen,
No snuffling sounds as the food bowl is checked one more time for a missed morsel,
No quiet sighs of sleep at my feet
or small warm body next to me in bed.

The air feels as if it has been scrubbed of oxygen.
It is thick and hard to breathe,
yet I continue to do so,
pretending as if my world has not really come crashing to an end,
but forever knowing
that best friends are not always people.

My eyes glance towards the door at bedtime, and then I recall: there's
No need to walk tonight.

Nancy Kelley
10/6/2010

With Love for Oliver
April 18, 1998 -- September 30, 2010
"MY BEST BOY"