October 18th 6:45am. The doorbell rings my heart pounds who is ringing my doorbell at 6:45am? I throw on my sweatshirt and run downstairs, there I see my neighbor walking around aimlessly with a scared look on her face. She calmly asks me if I have a black cat? My eyes fill with tears and I know you are gone. She is so sweet to say that you most likely belonged to someone else somehow I knew this wasn't true. I asked her if your collar was red? She said she would go look. I followed her around the corner as she entered the street the minutes seemed like hours and my vision got dark. She slowly walked back and said your collar was red. I dropped to my knees and screamed no! Trying to catch a breath I felt like I was going to die right there with you on that street. She asked me what she could do and I sobbed and said I couldn't look at you in the street like that. Her kind heart reached out as she said she would get a box from her house and put you in it and put it on my porch I ran home sobbing so terrified, so empty, so alone. As I ran in the house Kayla was coming down the stairs,poor baby Kayla only three years old you meant the world to her. She asked me "Mommy whats wrong?" I said honey mommy is sad sometimes mommies get sad. I turned on cartoons for her. My neighbor returned to the door with the box on the ground. I fell to my knees on the stairs she told me there was no blood. She asked if I wanted her to keep the box open, I sobbed and said no I can't look right now. She told me how sorry she was then made her way off to work. I sat on those stairs staring at that box listening to my daughters cartoons. I stare at that box seeing you sitting on the porch so happy to see me open the door for you, you come in and eat and cuddle and put your arms around my neck. Then you go out on the porch and lay in the sun for hours. But on this day you will never do that again. You are lying cold in a box and I can't find the strength to come to you. When the time came you were taken to the vet the box was opened, there you were so lifeless and stiff. Your poor leg broken and your eyes closed. I wanted nothing more than to grab you and keep you with me forever. I sobbed and told you how much I loved you and how much you meant to me over the last eight years. I remembered that day you followed me into my apartment so hungry, you slept by the fire that night and I knew that I would always keep you with me and do anything for you. And that my friend I did. You moved across the country with me twice. You were there for the birth of my child and you loved her so much and she loved you so much. I can't believe you were taken from me so suddenly. The darkness comes and I miss you so much I want you to be with me warm and safe.... all I can see is your lifeless body in that cold box and it tears my heart into pieces the tears won't stop falling. I see all the places you slept and I put your bowl in the cupboard. You my Ranger man hold the biggest spot in my heart. I feel so lost and empty without you here. I did everything for you and I know you were happy, we had a unique bond and that will never be broken. I will see you at Rainbow Bridge my baby I love you more than words can say more than you will ever know... I know you miss your mama as I am so lost without you. I will forever hold you dear my man. October 18th 6:45 am forever changed my life. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO BADLY RANGER MAN!!!