How Do I Say Goodbye

I rescue for the largest Miniature Pinscher rescue in the US. I had already had a few rescues as a volunteer and had found them all loving and forever homes. Penni, or Pennipoo as I called her, came into rescue at the age of 8 from a high kill shelter in East TN as her owners no longer wanted her. She was a smaller min pin but weighed almost twice what she should. She was so overweight that she waddled when she walked but, it was love at first sight. I knew within the first five minutes of her being in my home that I would be the one to adopt her. Over the course of a year, she slimmed down nicely and had so much more energy. When I first got her, she couldn’t even walk to the end of the driveway. Penni filled that void that I had, since the death of another min pin that I had lost to kidney failure three years earlier.

Over the next few years, Penni brought me so much joy. One of our favorite past times was “Sket em”. When I said the word “Sket em”, she would dive on the couch looking in the corners and under the cushions. She would search under the couch, behind the couch, and any place she felt necessary to investigate. I still to this day don’t know what she was looking for but it was so much fun to watch her with so much energy looking for an invisible item.

Penni spent her evenings curled up in my lap and she slept beside me under the covers every night. It wasn’t until she was around 13, that I noticed she was getting up around 5 to 6 times a night and drinking a tremendous amount of water. Over the next few months and more vet visits than I can count, Penni seemed to be stable. But after a couple of months, her back legs were giving out and she was eliminating on herself. I rushed her to my vet one more time thinking this was it, our time together was over but Dr. Haley, a wonderful and compassionate vet, was not ready to give up on her and neither was I. With new medication, she seemed to bounce back some although she did have some bad days but the good outweighed the bad. Unfortunately, within two months, the bad days came more and more. Her legs would give out, when she would try to use the bathroom, so I started putting a scarf under her to help her stand. Even with bad days, Penni was happy when she was in the same room with me, whether laying in her bed or laying in my lap. She would look deep into my eyes as if to say, “I’m still here mom. I won’t leave you”.

Penni started having trouble standing this past Saturday night. By Sunday afternoon after not eating for 24 hours, her breathing became labored. My mind knew the end was near but my heart didn’t want to let go. I stayed up all night holding her. At 7:30, I went to call the vet’s office to bring her in one last time, but while on hold, Penni passed away. In my mind, I honestly believe she didn’t want to make that trip to the vet and wanted to be here at home where she felt safe and loved.

How I go on, I don’t know. My heart aches so much. I know that life goes on but for me, it is standing still. I love you Penni and I miss you so. Your love will keep me going. I hope when you crossed that Rainbow Bridge, someone was there to play “Sket em” with you at least until we meet again.