My friend is concerned about me . She says "do you think you are still suffering so deeply, feeling such pain over Chuckys death because his passing symbolized a myriad of other losses and disapointments in your life?" She asks if my love for Chucky is really more than that, a complicated emotional boiling stew of repressed feelings of other losses and personal traumas.

I think about what she says...I have heard similar comments from other people who mean well and try to help. I really think about it. ...alot.....

But this is what I think. Why does my love for Chucky have to be about anything else but him.? My love for him is pure and simple. Love is not complicated. It has no agenda but love.

I love him and I miss him and my heart is broken...mending ....but it still has lots of sharp edges. I have loved and lost family and furfriends before. I have grieved before. I miss and think of these losses quite often but I feel Chuckys loss to my core. He changed my life, he made me human again..He was joy...There was a connection between us from the first moment. ....There is a connection still. ....No this love is not about anything else, my broken heart is not that complicated.

I see Christmas around me, I see the activity, I have eaten the special cookies and smiled at the red capped children..but I am not here, I am not in Christmas.It is moving about me but it is a blur I see from a distance.I have been working retail hours, long and hetic. I am in the core of the Christmas shopping frenzy but it is like I am in the eye of a hurricane. All is silent where I am at. In all this frenzy I am still alone, apart and my world is standing still.

Should my friend be worried?....no, I am grieving the loss of my dear friend and it is in a private place she can not understand....She never had a Chucky in her life.

Blessed angel of mine, dear Chucky. It is Christmas. I am blue because I miss you. But I know you are with me. You are shaking your horns at me right now and saying " Mom snap out of it...I am not gone, I am only away...and you get out there and put a red hat on Bob and get some Christmas spirit..! Rejoice in Patches... Rusty and I sent you this doggy gift.....don't you like her?.....how bout those donkeys......Mom they follow you around like puppies...they are a present too...and the kitties and horses..they are presents. Mommy, you have so much to be grateful for. You have Christmas all around you, every day is Christmas at our farm...Did you forget Mommy?....Mommy are you listening??????"

I can see him stomp his feet at me "Does it have to have a big red bow on it to be Christmas? Mommy, Christmas is love, Gods love that flows thru us all, from me to you to the folks ,family and fuzzy babies you see everyday. That is Christmas Spirit Mommy. As long as you feel the Love , Mommy, you have the spirit. Look around Mommy...Do you see it , feel it?"

Oh yes Chucky..I feel it, Christmas is all around me, my husband, our fur babies and Chucky, and especially all these angels at the forum. The love we all share here on the forum is the greatest gift we have given one another. All these loving giving hearts.Chucky I feel it...I feel Christmas....Chucky, you energizer bunny, you just keep going and going.....giving Mommy endless inspiration and love.

Merry Christmas Forum Family. You are blessed angels.

Ruby, Chuckys mom
Chucky my dear pygmy goat. My companion, my friend. You are forever in my heart.

"Never does a man know the force that is in him until some mighty affection or grief has humanized the soul."