As I sit down to write this I assume it is one of the last nights I am ever going to spend with my best friend. For the past 9 years, he has been my go to, always by my side no matter what time of day or night. Rain or shine, happy, sad, anything. It's a feeling so many feel, but not always in the same way. It's the unconditional love of a best friend; My dog Charlie.
As a little girl all I ever wanted was a puppy. When asked what I wanted for Christmas, Chanukah, Birthday, etc, my answer was always a dog. I felt from an early age I had a connection to animals, especially those of the 4 legged, wet nose, tail-wagging variety. Some of my friends had dogs, my cousins had dogs, and yet, I still had yet to experience the bond. I had a cat that my mother had before I was born. I knew that I was not a cat person, even though I did love that cat dearly being as she was my first exposer to an animal. But then for my 11th birthday that all changed. I had finally gotten what I had dreamed for, an answer to my wishes, I was finally getting a dog. My father and I went to a pet adoption truck as you could call it and even found a dog we liked. But there was a catch, my mother had to say yes. We played with him, and of course, I thought I had fallen in love. As my dad and I left the parking lot we started talking about names, and that's when we came up with one, Charlie Brown.
When I returned home and informed my mother of our find she immediately said no. The problem with the "Charlie" we thought we found was 1) he was a boy and she was firmly against a boy, and 2) he was a Rottweiler. I was quickly shut down on my dream and had to wait to find a new dog. Then she heard of an adoption fair at North Shore animal league in Long Island, New York where one of her friends had previously found a dog. We set a date, May 1st, we were to go find my new best friend. However, once may 1st rolled around, my mother was sick and I was once again told I would not be getting a puppy that day. My dreams were crushed. Being that I was 11 and had to wait such a long time I assumed it was never going to happen.
The next morning my mother decides that she will gather up the strength and goes to the adoption fair anyways. So father, my mother, sister, and me take the hour and a half journey to New York. Once we get there the animal shelter was huge. 100s of people like my family and I had come to find future best friends. We head into the shelter walking past all the older dogs, the cats, and finally the room with all the puppies. It was a rather big room, bustling with lots of other families all searching for the same thing, a companion. When asked what we were looking for my mother confidently says a female German Shepard mix, and off we go looking at the different dogs. After a few minutes my mother is picking up dogs and examining them to figure out which is the right one, so of course I go and wonder off by myself. And that's when I see him. All the way to the right of the room in the top corner crate, is the dog I always wanted. Being that I was so young they wouldn't give him to me to hold, but my father shortly came by. He asked the assistant to hold the puppy I had been looking at. As soon as he was out of the crate we all knew. He wrapped his tiny paws around my dad and wouldn't let go, after which he reached out and gave me the biggest kiss he could manage. We had been picked. My father told my mother and the assistant that we were done and it was time to go.
After that it took what felt like hours for him to be processed to go home with us. We went to a show of dogs catching Frisbees and even went to the store to buy all of the things we needed for our new friend. Once he was finally given to us and all the paper work was signed we got in the car to bring the new member of the family home. He was so small that he could fit in on a small pillow in between my sister in the back seat of the car. He was so timid when he got home that he quickly went to the newspaper we had laid out and sat down. I would not leave his side; for he was the gift I had been waiting my whole life for. The gift of unconditional love and a best friend.
When school stated again, I would wake up 4 hours before school just to go and spend time with him. His favorite was when I would feed him pieces of my croissant. We would share the love seat in my living room, watching tv and sharing croissants. The bond him and I shared then still lasts to this day. Every say I came home from school whether it be good, bad, happy, sad, he was always there to greet me. From my last day of elementary school, middle school, first day of high school, prom, graduation, going off the college, and coming home, he has always been there. The one I looked forward to seeing, knowing I would never be alone.
Now as I sit here I have no idea what the future holds. My best friend is deteriorating before my eyes and there is literally nothing I can do to help him. The only thing I can do is to end his pain. But am I strong enough to do that? He's my best friend; the one I've shared the closest bond to, my constant. Then I think to myself people have lost so much more then me. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, and everyone they know. I can handle loosing my dog right? But then I think, he's so much more then that. I can't help but feel this emptiness when I think of him not being here. For him not to be waiting for me when I come home from school. Or the nights I'm home alone and he's not here to talk to and protect me, warn me from the dangers outside. I don't and can't imagine a world without Charlie, my heart, my best friend.
How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard? I'm not really sure because saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do. The empty feeling you have knowing you'll never see you're friend again in this lifetime except in dreams. So am I that lucky? I'm still not sure. What I do feel lucky about is having such a strong bond to something. Many people never feel this connection to another person, never mind an animal. As much as he is my dog, I am his human, and one without the other is like left without right. And here I am contemplating on ending his life. I know it's the humane thing to do, but how do I make the decision. Now I don't know if I believe in god, but I do believe in fate. How do I make the decision of fate. What if I had gotten that other "Charlie"? Would I have felt this bond? I'm not sure, but how do I choose fate? How do I end the life of something I love more then I've ever loved anything before? And with that I don't know what else to say, for now this is all I have.