I gently cradled his exceptional face in my hands and looked directly into his beautiful eyes as he lay on the tri-colored blanket they brought us.

I told him I love him and that it was okay -- he wouldn't feel any more pain or confusion.

I told him I will miss him with all my heart for he was a dear friend for the last 15 years.

I told him I was sorry for I felt that, somehow, I had failed him.

His head tilted to the right as I felt his body relax and I held his head in my left hand as I petted his beautiful black coat the full length of his body, telling him again that I love him as he drifted into his twilight sleep. He no longer felt pain or confusion but in my selfishness of losing him I sobbed uncontrollably.

They came in and softly wrapped him in that tri-colored blanket and took him away. I left his carrier there. I would no longer have need of it.

My beautiful, big, black Buddy-Bud. He was a giant of a cat with a sweet and tender nature. He was a glutton for love wanting only to be petted. He would stare straight into your eyes until you could no longer resist.

I could go on and tell you all the aspects of the life of this 21 pound scaredy-cat. All the funny and wonderful and smart things about him, but that isn't really necessary. I will tell you that he was my friend and that I believe he loved me as I loved him. That we depended on each other though in different ways, for he was with me through many trials in my life and always reminded me how he needed me to pet him and take care of him so there was no time to sulk.

I have two more beautiful little girl kitties who miss him too, and I find that when I cry my little girls come right to me to comfort me and also to remind me that they need me. There is no time to sulk, but there is a lifetime to fondly remember my beautiful, big, black Buddy-Bud. I will miss him forever but I know he is sleeping at the foot of God's bed now instead of mine.