It's been three months since we had to make that heart wrenching decision to let my sweet boy, Spencer, go. The heartache feels as fresh as it did three months ago and the tears still flow just as easily, everyday. Every "marker" and every "first" is a difficult challenge.
My sweet, sweet Spencer. You were so very special,nothing can ever replace you. I wish so much that I could hear your foot steps on the floor, see those beautiful brown eyes looking at me with all the love in the world and just throw my arms around you, hug you, kiss you and never let go.
I still forget sometimes, and when I walk into the house yell, "Spennie, mama's home" like I always did. Except now there are no excited foot steps running down the stairs to meet me. Just an awful silence.
Life is so different without you, Spencer. Even your dad still cries. He can barely mention your name without his eyes filling with tears. This is one heartache that I don't think we will ever get over.
Today I am wishing that I could turn back time to 12 years ago when you came into our lives. I would relive those twelve years in a heartbeat just to have you with us again. You were the one that brought so much life and joy into our house and our lives.
I've been thinking about how you came into our lives and know that it wasn't a coincidence at all. You didn't just wander into Bobby's factory... I know in my heart that God created you for us - and for some reason picked us to love and care for you, to be your mom and dad. You were the most precious boy. Although, I have to laugh remembering how stubborn and fresh you were when you first came to live with us! You really tried your dad's patience at times! I didn't think that you would ever get housebroken! Then, all of a sudden, you got a little older and grew into the sweet boy you were all your life.
I look at your pictures and still can't believe that you are gone. How could twelve years have passed so quickly? It is so hard to believe and my mind and heart are having a difficult time accepting that you are gone.
Spencer, you took my heart with you when you left us. I love you so much and I'm glad that you aren't sick anymore. But, I miss you so much that some days, like today, I just cry and cry. The house is so empty and I am so lonely without you here.
You will always and forever be my sweet baby boy. I am forever grateful and thankful that you came into our lives, for your unconditional love and affection and for being the best boy ever!
I miss you my baby. I will always love you forever and a day...