It has been about two months since I put my KC boy to sleep. He was a buff and white cocker spaniel with dark brown freckles all over his nose. Grieving for him has been a difficult process for me. I refuse to look at any pictures of him because I can't get over the thought that he may have suffered in his last few moments.

I bought a new puppy a few weeks ago. He is a 4lb shitzu named Bentley. At four months old he is a crazy little pup that has a big personality. But he is nothing like my KC boy. He doesn't yet understand my tears. He doesn't yet understand my sadness. I adore him and am having fun with him............but he is not my KC boy.

I miss my boy a lot. Especially at night. Just thinking about it makes me so sad. KC would sleep with me every single night. This was our favorite time of year. Nights when the temperatures would drop, he would curl up close to me, under the blankets, with his head on his pillow. ***sigh*** I miss my baby boy so much. How do I learn to live without him? Right now it feels like I just pretend he is on vacation. I keep thinking he is going to come home. That this isn't real. My heart aches for him day in and day out. He was my best friend. HE was my boy that played with me at night, played with me in the morning, licked my tears when I was sad, wiggled his tail when I laughed. Its so quiet now. I hate the quiet. **sigh**